By Kate

CHAPTER TEN – Internal Discord

Nathan had been right.

Tree Hill, despite its increasing population and the continued spread of urban development, was for all intents and purposes, still a small, Southern town. And sooner or later, you were bound to run into someone you knew. Especially if you didn’t want to run into that person. It was like Murphy’s Law for small towns.

So of course, she had run into Nathan the day after he had surprised her by the docks. When he had told her he would see her around, she hadn’t expected it to be the very next day.

It had been early morning, so she had assumed that it would be safe to venture into Karen’s Café. She knew Deb didn’t usually get into the Café until late morning, unless she had something else to do, and she didn’t think Nathan would be visiting there, considering he was at the beach house, where there were at least half a dozen nearby places that he could go to for breakfast.

And when she said she ‘ran into’ Nathan, unfortunately, she wasn’t being metaphorical. It had been her own fault. She had reverted to an old habit. . .walking and reading at the same time. Tree Hill was about the only place where she could still get away with doing that. Any other place and people would plow her straight to the ground. In Tree Hill, most people actually moved out of the way.

She had been walking slowly along while reading the latest fax from Cindy, when she had suddenly hit something solid and felt herself reel backwards as the sheaf of papers in her hand went flying.

“Whoa!” a familiar voice exclaimed as she felt strong hands grip her elbows and steady her. She knew it was him even before she looked up into his blue eyes. “Haley.”

“Uh. . .” She uttered a silent curse. Since when did she become tongue-tied around Nathan? “Sorry.” She half-smiled as she bent down and began retrieving the papers lying scattered all about the sidewalk.

Nathan bent down to help her. “Funny being run into by you here.”

He was damn impossible at times. That effortless charm of his should definitely require more effort. “Cute.”

“Did you just call me ‘cute’?” he teased as he scooped up the last of the papers and handed them to her.

She took the papers and straightened. “I was being ironical.”

“And I thought I was being cute by pretending not to know that,” he returned. She tried not to, but she smiled.

“You’re up early,” she stated the obvious to change the subject. She didn’t want to admit it, but he looked incredible in a pair of black warm-up pants and a red Adidas T-shirt. His hair had, by now, fully grown back and the PT sessions must have been going extremely well, because she noticed the definition of his arm and chest muscles underneath his T-shirt. He was looking more and more like his old self. She eyed the headphones around his neck. “Morning jog?”

He shook his head. “I’m not allowed to put that kind of stress on my leg yet. Just out for a walk like my PT requires.”

“I’m glad you’re still keeping up with that.”

“Apparently I’m required to. Sean very nicely explained my contractual obligations to me before I came out here.” He looked at her with feigned astonishment. “Did you know that if I don’t keep up with the whole physical rehab thing, I owe the Kings hundreds of thousands of dollars?”

“Yes, because I recall telling you that,” she answered with a small smile.

He grinned. “Must have slipped my mind. It’s hard to concentrate around you.”

She ignored his last statement. “So did Sean make all the arrangements for you to come out here?”

“He’s a miracle worker. Got the doctors, PT and everything else transferred out here.” He smiled at her. “Not that I’m trying to imply that you didn’t handle things well for me.”

“I didn’t say you were,” she replied easily.

“You going to work or something?” he asked, eyeing the papers they had just recovered.

“Not really,” she answered. “Where are you headed?”

“The Café,” he said with a shrug as he turned in that direction. “Where are you going?”

She sighed. She could have lied of course, but that would have been childish. Besides, she was in dire need of a cup of coffee and Karen’s was the closest place around. “The Café.”

He smiled. “Imagine that.” He gestured in the direction of the Café. “How about I walk you over there? Considering you’re having some trouble navigating.”

“You’re sweet,” she said dryly.

“That was ironical, right?” he said with a grin as he fell in step with her.

She hid the smile by turning away, pretending to look at some of the shop windows as they made their way towards the Café. She was well aware of how easy this was. It was too easy, her head warned her. She listened, and yet, there was a part of her that didn’t want to. That was urging her to just go for it. Take that chance, it said. Risk it! It was but a whisper, but she wondered how long it would stay that way because the longer she was around Nathan, the less she heard the protective logic of her head, and more of the whisperings of her heart.

They arrived at the Café, not having said anything further. The silence, however, hadn’t been awkward. It had been companionable. . .easy. She offered him a small smile as he held the door open for her.

They both stood by the door for a few seconds, scanning the café for an empty table. Even at this early an hour, the Café was almost entirely full. Before they could find one, a familiar voice called out to them.

“Haley!” Karen greeted her with a big smile as she came out from the direction of the kitchen. “And Nathan!”

“Hi Karen,” she smiled as Karen embraced her. Karen then turned and hugged Nathan as well. She noticed his discomfort but he returned Karen’s hug despite it.

Karen looked at them both and beamed. “It’s so good to have you both back in Tree Hill.” Karen glanced around briefly before she caught the eye of one of her servers and gestured to him to clear a table tucked away in one corners. “Breakfast? Or just some coffee?” Before they could answer, Karen waved her hand dismissively. “You know what? I’m trying out this new scone recipe so you two get to be my guinea pigs this morning!”

Before she could say anything, Karen had already headed back into the kitchen. She looked at Karen’s retreating back a beat before turning back to Nathan, who was smiling at her teasingly. “You know, I won’t mind if you wanted to sit at a different table.”

“I never said I was going to avoid you,” she scoffed in an effort to hide that exact thought.

He grinned and leaned in closer to her, causing all her nerves to suddenly jolt to life. “Glad to hear it.” He indicated their newly bussed table. “Shall we?”

No sooner had they settled into their seats than Karen came out with a tray bearing two steaming cups of coffee, as well as two plates containing a golden brown scone on each. She also set out small dishes containing cream and jam. “O.K. I’ll be back in a bit for detailed notes on what you think of those scones so eat up!” With another smile at them, Karen went back into the kitchen.

Nathan didn’t make a move to touch his scone, but instead was looking at Karen’s retreating back with a baffled expression.

“Karen wouldn’t own this place if she couldn’t cook,” she said lightly. “So I’m sure the scones are fine.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that. . .it’s. . .”

“What?” she prompted.

“It’s just a little weird how friendly Lucas’ mom is to me.” He looked back at her and shrugged. “My memories of her are you know. . .” He sighed softly and then picked up his scone and broke it in half. He took a bite and smiled. “This is good.”

And it was. Karen’s latest ‘experiment’ was a honey and ginger concoction that was simply delicious. Each bite had the sweetness of honey coupled the mild spiciness of the ginger all wrapped inside a soft, warm scone. It was definitely going to be another hit at the Café.

They had both lapsed into silence again, enjoying their breakfast. She was aware of just how odd the situation was simply because it was so. . .normal. She and Nathan have had breakfast at the Café numerous times before, with the same easy silence between them. For anyone looking at them now, it was as if nothing had changed at all.

And yet, everything had changed. So how come she felt so comfortable? Where were the warning bells? Shouldn’t she be more ill at ease? Shouldn’t she be tense and on guard? Her head thought so, but her head couldn’t change how she felt. And she felt relaxed. . .contented even. This of course, made the situation even stranger. ‘Content’ would have been the last word she would have used to describe how she felt about Nathan and their ‘relationship’ now.

“So what were those papers you were so wrapped up in?” he asked conversationally.

She shrugged. “Just. . .work stuff.”

He looked at her thoughtfully. “You know, I’ve been meaning to ask, what exactly is it that you work at?” He smiled. “I mean I know you run my charitable foundation, but. . .what is that exactly?”

She smiled. “You established it your second year in the NBA. It’s basically a foundation to award scholarships, grants and things like that. We also do a few fundraisers and charity events a year.”

“And you run it?” She nodded. “So you basically give away my money?”

She chuckled. “I raise money for it too.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it,” she answered sincerely. He smiled widely, lighting up his features and making her heart do that little skip. She looked away quickly and to cover up her sudden nervousness, she picked up her coffee cup and took a sip.

“Now you know, I need to ask this because it is my foundation,” he said, his voice teasing. “But did you get your position because of your qualifications or because of your. . .relationship to me?”

“What is this?” she matched his teasing tone. “It’s about 2 years too late for the job interview.”

He looked at her seriously. “Just getting to know you.”

The warning bells that she had been wondering about finally went off. That was too easy. And that’s what worried her the most. It would be easier for her to keep her guard up around Nathan if talking to him weren’t so simple. . .so effortless. But it was. . .and before she had even realized it, she had been having breakfast with him and doing what she had been resisting. Letting him get to know her.

“So are you?” he prompted.

“Am I what?” she asked, hearing the wariness in her voice. Nathan picked up on it too because she saw his eyes flicker but his expression didn’t change.

“Qualified to run my foundation?”

She sighed. Maybe she should have just avoided him. But she knew it wasn’t that easy. Because a part of her was still drawn to him. Lucas had been right yesterday. She had been miserable without him in Tree Hill and she loathed admitting it to herself but despite her bumbling shock at seeing him at the docks, a part of her had been happy to see him. Just like that part of her had been happy earlier when she had bumped into him.

She missed ‘her’ Nathan, but she also missed this Nathan. So while, intellectually she knew that the best and safest course of action would be to avoid him as much as possible, emotionally, she wanted to see him. . .to be with him. And that internal discord made it difficult for her to stand firm in her desire to keep him at a distance.

“I graduated with honors from the University of North Carolina,” she said with exaggerated seriousness. “Then I went to Georgetown and received my MBA. Also with honors.”

“Georgetown,” he murmured. “Hoyas?”

She smiled. Of course Nathan would use basketball as a reference point. “Right.”

He tilted his head in acknowledgement. “I’m suitably impressed.”

“So is the interview over?” she asked lightly.

He grinned and she caught the mischievous twinkle in his eye which should have warned her that he had something up his sleeve. “Not quite. I do have one other question.”

Again, those warning bells sounded in her head. “What question?”

He grinned, leaning forward on the table. “When did you get that tattoo on your back?”

She stared at him as her mind raced, trying to process what he had just said. She glanced at him, and he was just looking at her, as if he were waiting for her to put the pieces together.

“How’d you know. . .“ Was he remembering she wondered? Something about his expression, however, told her that this particular bit of knowledge was not the result of a recollection but something. . .sneakier.

“Home movies.”

“Home mov-“ she started and stopped suddenly as the answer came to her. She looked at him with wide, questioning eyes and he nodded slowly in confirmation.

Suddenly, a mental image of the beach house popped into her mind and she realized much too late that the house was brimming with personal things of her. . of him. . .of them. And then she started to panic. ..trying to mentally inventory the collection of home movies that she and Nathan had. . .and how each one had been made. Which one of those had revealed her tattoo to him? For one brief, horrifying instant, she actually wondered if they had ever made one of. . . .those home movies. A part of her wanted to rush right out to the beach house that instant and start gathering up those DVDs.

Somehow, she managed to stay in her seat and rein in her spinning emotions.

“I guess you didn’t get a chance to clean this house like the one in Sacramento huh?” he asked casually.

“Nathan-“

He raised a hand to stop her. “Not that I agree, but. . .I get why you did it.”

She sighed. She was beginning to realize just how futile it was to fight him on this. It was hard, nearly impossible, to ‘wipe’ out a life together. She was starting to wonder why she was bothering to fight this at all.

Of course you remember, her head told her.

“That was not fair,” she said accusingly.

To his credit, he did look somewhat contrite. “Sorry. But really, is there a fair way to handle any of this?”

She picked up her coffee cup and took a slow sip, not knowing how to answer his question. Nathan’s revelation that he was uncovering things from the past thanks to various objects around their beach house threw her, and yet, in some ways, she also felt. . .relieved. Again, it struck her as strange that she should feel this way. But she did. She was relieved that she no longer had to hide anything from Nathan. . . .that she no longer had to watch every word that she uttered around him. . .that she no longer had to worry that he may find out about them.

“We looked. . .happy,” he said, his expression wistful.

“We were,” she confirmed quietly.

He looked at her and she could see the frustration in his eyes. She saw then just how much he wanted to remember, and yet he couldn’t. Instinctively, she wanted to say something in comfort. . .but she didn’t have the words.

She sighed. This was just too confusing. Part of her wished that she could go back to when she felt only numbness because it was much easier to deal with than all these strange, confusing and conflicting emotions that seemed to be running through her all the time. Especially when she was around Nathan.

How could she feel so comfortable with him one minute and then completely ill at ease? How could a feeling of relief be followed so quickly by one of mortification? How could she want to be with him and yet at the same time want to get as far away from him as possible?

Just then the soft peal of her cell phone drew both their attention to her purse. She smiled apologetically before digging through her purse to retrieve it. She quickly flipped it open. “Hello?”

“Hales?”

“Lucas.” Nathan looked at her in interest and she turned away slightly. “What’s up?”

There was a pause before he spoke. “O.K. Before I tell you, promise you won’t start yelling at me.”

She closed her eyes briefly, preparing herself mentally. That kind of disclaimer was never a portent for good news. “What?”

“I’m, uh, at the airport right now. I need to fly back to L.A. There’s some problems with one of our recruits.”

“When can you come back?”

“I don’t know, Hales.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I thought I could hang out there with Nathan for a while but-“

“It’s O.K., Luke,” she cut in. “Really. You do have your own life to take care of.”

“What about Nathan? Sean said he’s still arranging some things and even though Nathan’s doing much better, I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave him out in the beach house alone.”

She couldn’t help smiling. To this day, no matter how often she had seen it since, witnessing Lucas’ concern for Nathan, and vice versa, always made her smile. It wasn’t too long ago that they couldn’t stand each other so to see them acting like real brothers now was a wonderful thing to behold.

“It’s O.K., Luke. I’ll, uh. . .I’ll figure something out.”

“You sure?”

She wasn’t sure at all but what other option was there? “Yes. Have a safe flight, O.K.?”

“I will,” Lucas replied. “I’ll call you when I’m get into L.A.”

She said goodbye to Lucas before snapping her phone shut. She found Nathan watching her as he sipped his coffee. “That was Luke.”

“Where’s he going?”

“Back to L.A. There was some kind of work emergency.”

He nodded. “So who gets to baby-sit me now?”

She shot him a look. “Nobody said anything about that but if you’re gonna act like a brat then. . .”

He smiled, unperturbed at her admonishment. “No nurse.”

She knew he was going to say that. In this case, her options were severely limited. He had already ruled out both of his parents, and even if he hadn’t, she wouldn’t have considered it anyway. Deb and Nathan had a tenuous relationship at the best of times, and she would never inflict Dan on anyone, least of all Nathan. Karen was an option, but given Nathan’s unease around her, she didn’t think he would go for it.

She sighed. There was only one option. She knew that the moment Lucas had informed her that he had to go back to L.A. She could always try to convince Nathan to head back to California but she would still have the same problem. Nathan would be alone in Sacramento.

The simple fact of the matter was that Nathan needed her and above everything, she would be there for him. No matter how scared. . or hurt. . .or confused she might be, if he needed her, everything else became secondary. That’s how it was and how it would always be. And in this case, he did need her. There wasn’t anyone else.

She cleared her throat. “Um. . .how about I, uh, stay with you at the beach house for a bit?”

“No.”

“O.-. . .w-what?”

He shook his head. “No.”

No? No? Did he just say ‘no’?! She looked at him in disbelief but he was completely serious. She felt that swirl of emotions rise up in her. She was partly confused, partly angry and mostly. ..offended. Did he not realize what it took for her to even consider moving in with him at the beach house? And why would he not want her to?

“What do you mean ‘no’?” she demanded.

“I don’t want you to stay with me, Haley,” he said quietly.

Anger became the predominant emotion. And if she was completely honest. . .some wounded pride was mixed in there too. “What? Since when? You’ve wanted me to stay with you since you left the hospital in Sacramento! And you followed me out here and basically. . .threatened to follow me if I went anywhere else! And what happened to wanting to get to know me huh? Now all of a sudden you don’t want me to-“ She stopped abruptly at the expression on his face. “What the hell are you smiling about?!”

He shook his head slightly. “Nothing. Just. . . .never mind. And for the record, I did not threaten to follow you anywhere.”

“Y-you. . .I just. . .” she sputtered. No matter how much she tried not to, she somehow managed to lose her cool around him. “Why don’t you want me to stay with you?”

He didn’t answer right away, instead looking at her calmly for a few seconds. “Because I don’t want you to be with me out of some sense of. . .obligation or whatever. If you’re going to stay with me, I want you to do it because you want to. Not because you have to.”

The anger dissipated quickly, replaced by understanding. The irony was not lost on her. Hadn’t she been worried about the same thing? She didn’t want Nathan to feel obligated to her. . .yet she never considered that he might feel the same way. “Nathan, that’s-“

“If Lucas was still around and I asked you to come stay with me, would you?”

She sighed. “No, but-“

“Then the answer’s still no.”

“Nathan-“

“I’m not your charity case, Hales,” he said quietly but firmly.

“I never said you were,” she countered. “But you can’t stay out there by yourself.”

“Yes, I can,” he insisted stubbornly.

“Really?” she challenged. “What’s your doctor’s phone number? Where’s the hospital located? What's the pharmacy's number? Better yet, where are the car keys located in case you need to drive yourself somewhere?”

He regarded her with a sour expression. “That’s not fair.”

She smiled slightly. “Is there really a fair way to handle any of this?” If it were possible, his expression turned even more sour. “I’m sorry but really.. . .there’s no other choice here. Unless you have someone else in mind. I mean if you don’t want me then that’s. . .fine. Just tell me who else you’d rather-“

“I never said I didn’t want you,” he cut in softly, while looking at her intently. “I just said I didn’t want to be your obligation.”

“Nathan, you’re not,” she said firmly. And she realized that it was true. Yes, for the most part, she was offering to stay with him because she felt as if she needed to look out for him, to take care of him. But there was a small part, the part of her that she tried desperately to ignore, that was. . .excited. . .about staying with him. That wanted to stay with him simply because it wanted to be with him. “And you know what? You are my obligation because we’re. . .friends. And friends look out for each other right?”

She smiled but he looked at her doubtfully. She was well aware of how incredibly bizarre this was. How was it that she was now trying to convince Nathan that she should move in with him? When did everything get turned upside down? “For a little while. . .until you figure everything out here.”

He continued to look at her doubtfully for several seconds before he exhaled softly. “O.K.”

“O.K.,” she said smiling, feeling oddly relieved. She picked up her coffee cup and drained it. Nathan had turned to look out the window and she couldn’t help but study him and wonder just what she had gotten herself into.

Again, the internal discord struck her. She knew, logically, that the last thing she should be feeling was relief. You’re moving in with Nathan her head told her in a panic. But she didn’t feel panicky. . .or nervous. . . .or scared. She felt oddly calm. It was the feeling she usually got when she had made a decision that she knew instinctively was right, no matter what doubts may have been running through her mind.

She had felt that way before with Nathan. Twice to be exact.

The first time was when he had first proposed marriage to her in his apartment here in Tree Hill. She had been 16 and her head was telling her she was too young. . .they were too young. That marriage wasn’t right for them. . . that it would change everything. But after she had agreed, a calmness had descended over her. Despite the fact that the marriage hadn’t lasted, she never looked back and wondered if she had made the right decision in marrying Nathan the first time around. It had felt right then. . .and it still felt right. . .even with 20/20 hindsight.

The second time she had felt that internal calm was when she had decided to get back together with him. There were no grand gestures. . .no flowery prose. It had been a simple question from him. . .’you want to get something to eat?’. And she hadn’t said anything, but had simply taken his proffered hand. But she remembered it clearly. The second their hands had clasped together, that same calmness had swept over her and she knew, without a doubt, that she had done the right thing.

And here she was now. That same feeling of complete calmness resting inside her. Yet, unlike those last two times, her head was louder and more persistent in listing her doubts this time around. And she knew that her internal discord wouldn’t be resolved so easily this time around.

CHAPTER ELEVEN – The Ugly Moments

“Nathan, can you get the door please?” she called out from her bathroom as she worked to towel dry her hair. She heard his muffled response and then the sound of the door opening. She hurriedly rubbed handfuls of hair with the towel until her hair was no longer dripping wet. Quickly, she slipped into her robe before heading for the front door.

She wondered who it could be at this hour. She had only just gotten in an hour earlier, having spent time packing up some of her things at her parents’ house, as well as calling them in Florida, where they were visiting her older brother and his family, to let them know that she was likely not going to be at the house when they returned later next week.

Nathan had helped her with her bags and after a rather awkward moment, she had quickly retreated to the guest bedroom to shower and unpack. She had been hoping to take some time to try and figure out how to make this strange situation work. It had happened so quickly that she hadn’t really processed it all yet. More than once she seriously wondered if she could actually spend all her time in the guest room. That would be silly, of course, but she had considered it the moment she had walked through the door.

‘Surreal’ could not begin to describe what it had felt like to walk into the beach house with Nathan just an hour earlier. Again, it was like breakfast earlier that day. She and Nathan had come ‘home’ to the beach house numerous times before so them walking in together was normal. . .and yet about as far from normal as you could get. She knew her hasty retreat wasn’t lost on Nathan, but for his part, he was trying not to make the move any harder for her. He was being a perfect gentleman, not pushing her and letting her dictate the nature of their interaction in the house.

She sighed softly as she descended the steps leading into the front foyer of the house. Their beach house was modest compared to the mammoth mansion in Sacramento, but it was still rather sizeable when compared to other houses in the area. Part of it she knew had been Nathan trying to eradicate his father’s ‘voice’ which seemed to stay with him in some way or the other throughout the years, no matter how much progress Nathan made in his own personal growth and maturity. There was always going to be a part of Nathan that wanted, needed, to ‘beat’ his father.

“Nathan, who was at the-“ Her words died on her lips as she entered the front foyer and saw Nathan standing by the still-open door, staring silently at the figure of Dan Scott. Speak of the devil.

Both men turned at the sound of her voice. Nathan was looking at her with eyes that displayed so many emotions at once that she couldn’t pinpoint any one emotion clearly. Dan looked at her in surprise before he slowly took in her appearance and she could see him jump to the wrong, but not altogether surprising, conclusion. She reflexively pulled her robe tighter around herself.

“Haley,” Dan greeted her, his tone polite but his expression held the slightest hint of disdain. “I didn’t think I’d find you here. Certainly not like that.”

She bit the retort that was on the tip of her tongue. The last time she had seen Nathan’s father, she had been practically kicking him out of the hospital and back here to Tree Hill. To say they had parted under ‘awkward circumstances’ would have been a huge understatement. But then, she and Dan had never seen eye-to-eye where Nathan was concerned.

She had called regularly to update them on Nathan’s progress since then, but truth be told, she tended to speak to Deb more often, and have her convey the message to Nathan’s father. When she had spoken to Dan, their conversations had been brief and to-the-point. ‘Strained’ was the best word to describe the current state of their relationship.

Dan looked back at Nathan who had by now closed the door, but he remained standing by it, as if he were prepared to make a quick getaway. She smiled internally. She had that feeling quite often when dealing with Dan. “Are you two. . .do you have your memory back?”

Nathan looked confused by his father’s question. “No, I, uh-“

“I’m helping Nathan with things,” she cut in smoothly.

“Well, that’s. . .good. How long have you been back in Tree Hill son?”

Nathan shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, just. . .a day or so.”

Dan looked at her. “Hmm. You’ve been back longer than that haven’t you Haley?”

She sighed softly. Tree Hill was still ‘Dan’s territory.’ Not much happened here without him knowing. “Yeah, um. . .” She looked at Nathan quickly. “I, uh, you know, came out here first to set up a few things so that when Nathan came out, he’d have everything he’d need.”

Nathan shot her a brief questioning look at the ‘little white lie’ before he nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Hales’ great about getting things, uh, set up.”

Dan looked between the both of them as if considering something. “Well, then I’m sure one of the things you were going to set up was to contact me to let me know that my son was back home?”

“Of course,” she replied, not taking the bait. “I just. . .I mean, we just wanted to get things settled here first.” To be completely honest, however, she had just wanted to put off dealing with Dan for as long as possible. She should have known better.

Dan smiled agreeably, but she knew he was anything but. “Of course.” He turned towards Nathan. “It’s good that you’re back home, Nate.”

“Yeah,” Nathan said softly, continuing to shift uncomfortably.

There was a tense silence as no one said anything for a few seconds. You would think I’d be used to these kind of silences by now, she thought wryly as she looked at Nathan in concern. He was staring at some spot on the floor and looking like he wanted to be anywhere else but there.

“You know,” Dan said suddenly drawing hers and Nathan’s attention to him. “This is actually perfect.”

“It is?” she asked, her internal warning bells going off.

Dan smiled at her and the bells went off even louder. “I was just talking to my parents the other day. We were thinking of flying out to Sacramento next week to see Nathan. . .and you too of course.” She smiled tightly. “Now we can just have that dinner here.”

“Dinner?” she repeated, glancing at Nathan who seemed to be growing increasingly uncomfortable.

Dan nodded. “To celebrate Nathan’s birthday next week.” Dan looked at her reproachfully. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”

She hadn’t. She just didn’t know how to ‘celebrate’ the occasion. And truth be told, she couldn’t look that far ahead of her these days. She was just trying to deal with everything, moment by moment. “Of course I didn’t forget,” she replied, her tone sharper than she intended. Damn it! She was not supposed to let Nathan’s father get to her.

Dan turned to Nathan. “How about it Nate? Celebratory dinner with me and your grandparents? Your Mom will probably be there too.” Dan gave her a cursory glance. “Of course you’re invited as well, Haley.”

She bit her lip. Dan had a way of including her that made her feel completely left out. It seemed to be his special talent. He could say something that literally was complimentary but the way he said it made it seem more like an insult.

Nathan looked at her uncertainly. “Uh, I, um. . .”

Dan looked between the both of them. “Oh, come on! We have to celebrate this birthday. . .I mean with the accident and everything, this birthday is definitely one to celebrate right?”

She exhaled slowly and tilted her head at Nathan, silently communicating to him that whatever he decided was fine with her. He looked at her a beat before turning to his father. “Um. . .yeah, O.K.”

Dan smiled broadly and clapped Nathan on the shoulder. “Terrific! Your grandparents have been asking about you every day since the accident. They’ll be thrilled to see you Nate.” Dan looked at her. “Do you want me to call Deb to let her know that Nathan’s back in Tree Hill?”

He had phrased the question politely and his face held what could only be termed a solicitous expression, but she didn’t miss the silent gibe at her. “No, actually, I think Deb already knows because of Karen.” She smiled sweetly at him and felt a childish sense of satisfaction when her words hit home with him.

Of course that sense of satisfaction was fleeting because she caught the look of discomfort on Nathan’s face. She sighed. Dealing with Nathan and their uniquely bizarre situation was hard enough, but now fate had to mock her even more by throwing his family into the mix. She didn’t know if she was equipped to deal with it all.

“Well, good,” said Dan nonchalantly. “So I’ll talk to your grandparents Nate and then call you with details of the dinner in a few days huh?”

“O.K.,” Nathan agreed.

“So now that I know you’re in town, how about having lunch with your old man tomorrow? We can catch up properly then.”

If the situation wasn’t so serious and supremely uncomfortable for the both of them, she would have laughed at the look of panic that briefly crossed his face at his father’s invitation.

“Uh, actually, you know, Nathan has to go to Charlotte tomorrow,” she cut in. “We need to meet with the doctors here for a consultation.”

Dan looked at her in irritation briefly, but just as quickly, he smiled affably. “Fine. I understand. Your health comes first. We want you back in top shape soon! We’ll make plans for another day then?”

“Sure,” Nathan replied half-heartedly.

Dan looked at Nathan for a beat, before he clapped his hands together loudly. “All right, well, we’ll catch up some other time. But your birthday dinner’s a definite for next week, right?”

“Yeah,” Nathan replied softly.

Dan smiled and moved in to embrace Nathan. “It’s good to have you home, son.” He patted Nathan’s back. “I’ve missed you.”

“You too,” Nathan mumbled, awkwardly returning his father’s embrace.

“So I’ll call you in a few days,” said Dan, finally releasing Nathan. “It was good to see you, Haley.”

“Same here,” she replied with a tight smile. Dan affectionately clapped Nathan on the shoulder one last time before he left. Nathan closed the door behind his father and stood by the closed door for several seconds, not saying anything. She wondered then if coming to Tree Hill had been the right decision after all. At least in Sacramento, things were more within her control. But then, ‘control’ was a relative term in all of this.

“That wasn’t uncomfortable at all was it?” she asked lightly, hoping to dispel some of the tension.

He turned and looked at her seriously. “No, not at all.”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I should have-“

“It’s not your fault, Hales,” he cut in. “Thanks for the save there on the lunch thing by the way.”

“Sure,” she said with a slight smile. “But I wasn’t completely lying you know. You do need to go meet your doctors out here.”

He smiled. “I knew it sounded just a little too convincing.”

She chuckled softly and then grew serious. “Are you O.K.? I, uh, I didn’t think your Dad would just show up here, but I guess it wasn’t entirely unexpected huh?”

He shook his head and moved away from the door. “No. I just. . .I don’t know how to. ..” He stopped abruptly and blew out a quick breath. “Do I get along with my Dad now? Are we close? Do we regularly have lunch together and hang out? What about my Mom? I mean do we have regular family visits or get-togethers?”

His questions came out in a rush, as if he had been holding onto them for a while and finally just had to get them out. She sighed softly. How was she supposed to answer those questions? The dynamics between the three of them had always been. . .insanely complex. Throw in his grandparents, plus Lucas and Karen, as well as her, and you had a family dynamic that defied description.

“It’s, uh. . .it’s. . .” She stopped, searching for the right words.

“Complicated?” he offered.

“To say in the least.” She looked at him quizzically. “Maybe it’s easier if you tell me what you remember about your parents. . .and grandparents.”

He shook his head, his frustration clear. “It doesn’t matter. What I remember doesn’t. . .it’s not how things are now. I remember hating Lucas and now? I, well, I actually like the guy. And I don’t remember Lucas’ mom at all and she and I clearly have a good relationship. Nothing I know matters anymore.”

“That’s not true,” she countered.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said dismissively.

“Nathan-“

“You don’t get along with my Dad do you?” he asked abruptly.

“What? No, I mean. . .it’s. . .” She sighed. “That’s also complicated.”

“Isn’t it always?” he asked quietly, moving to pass her.

She reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him. “Hey.” He stopped but didn’t turn to look at her. “I wasn’t trying to avoid anything. . .it really is complicated and I. . .you need to figure things out for yourself. That’s the only way this is going to work.”

He didn’t say anything, nor did he move, for several seconds. Then he suddenly shifted so that her hand dropped from his arm. He caught her hand in his and held it. “It’s not. . .I’m not upset with you, Hales.” He smiled gently at her. “It’s just. . .you know what? This has been a long and eventful day. Let’s talk about it tomorrow O.K.?”

She looked at him but he had that unreadable expression of his firmly in place. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“Okay,” she murmured, keenly aware that they were still standing there, holding hands. Yet she didn’t mind it at all. She looked down at their clasped hands and then back up at him and found him looking at her intently.

His blue eyes locked with hers for a long beat, and suddenly, everything changed. Gone was the awkward tension. . .for it had been replaced by a different kind of tension. She felt herself getting lost in his eyes, and the constant admonitions from her head to be careful slowly faded into the background. What she heard was her heart’s longing, and in that instant all she wanted was for him to kiss her. From the expression on his face, she would have guessed that he was thinking along the same lines. She watched as his eyes shifted slowly to her lips and she involuntarily licked her lips in anticipation. She could almost feel him leaning in towards her. Could almost feel his lips upon hers and taste his kiss. . . .

But he didn’t. He gave her hand a soft squeeze before he pulled away and smiled slighty. “Good night, Hales.”

It wasn’t until he was long gone that she felt herself expel the breath that she had been holding. She should have been relieved she knew, because had they acted on that moment, things would have become exponentially more complicated, but the only emotion she felt right then was disappointment.

~*~

“Ready?” she asked with a slight smile. Nathan looked at her uncertainly, not moving from his spot in front of their Range Rover.

She didn’t blame him. She wasn’t all that keen about going herself but one of them had to take the first step. They couldn’t very well stay out here all night, standing by their car, and staring at Nathan’s childhood home.

Or could they?

She allowed herself a few seconds to indulge in that silly fantasy scenario, before she sighed softly and went over to where Nathan was standing. Outwardly, he looked great. ..beyond great. He had chosen light tan khakis and a crisp, white, cotton button-down shirt that he wore loose, with the first few buttons left open. He had also eschewed dress shoes for casual summer sandals. The whole outfit hung on his tall, slim frame beautifully while accentuating his dark hair and light eyes to perfection.

“You know, you’re the guest of honor,” she said, keeping her voice light. She knew how much Nathan had been. . .dreading wasn’t quite the right word, but it was close to it. .. this dinner and she didn’t want to add to his stress any. Nor did she want to add to her own, which was significant at that point. “People are going to notice if you don’t show up.”

He looked down at her. “We can always just make an excuse.”

“You really think we’d get away with that?”

He considered her question for a few seconds before he sighed. “No.”

She reached out and placed a comforting hand on his arm. “They’re your family, Nathan. They love you. How bad could it be?” She wanted to take that question back the instant it was out of her mouth.

She was, after all, talking about the Scotts. Three generations of them. All in one place. She knew that in each of their own way, Nathan’s parents and grandparents did love him. But from her own experience, they tended to show that love in a rather bizarre and chaotic way. And having all of them in one place together was not a recipe for a peaceful, quiet evening. She wondered if Nathan’s early memories of family gatherings were similar to her memories of the more recent ones. If so, it would certainly explain his reluctance.

“Besides, it’s your birthday,” she said with a smile. “You need to show up to collect your presents.”

His lips curled slightly. “There is that.”

She linked her arm with his companionably and gave him a gentle tug towards the house. Reluctantly he followed her. “It’ll be. . .” She wanted to say ‘fine’ or even ‘fun’ but her gut was telling her otherwise and she just couldn’t bring herself to lie. Besides, she knew that Nathan could always see through her lies. “It won’t be that bad. If it is, we’ll make an excuse and leave, O.K.?”

“An escape plan?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.

She grinned. “Something like that.”

“Sounds good,” he said, really smiling for the first time since they had left their beach house that evening.

In what has become an all-too-common occurrence in the past week, she felt her insides begin to grow very, very warm. She had thought that living with Nathan would be uncomfortable and awkward. . .and it was. But the awkward tension wasn’t because she didn’t like being around him, or found it too hard. In fact, it was quite the contrary. The tension between her and Nathan in the house was the result of being just too comfortable with each other.

That made it harder and harder for her to remember to keep her distance. Because more often than not, she didn’t want to keep him at arm’s length. . .she wanted him closer. That first night, in the foyer, that had only been the beginning of too many instances. . .moments. . .where she wanted him. Pure and simple. After his accident, her mind had been focused on first his recovery and then on her own survival that she had forgotten just how attracted she had always been to Nathan.

But living with him in the house this past week and she had been reminded of that attraction. That very powerful attraction that had often made it far too easy for her to lose herself. In the past, she hadn’t cared, and had even delighted in being able to lose herself so completely. But she knew that she couldn’t afford to indulge in those kind of feelings now. It was reckless and dangerous.

Even more so now, she reminded herself. Nathan was getting to know her, more and more each day. And she was getting to know him. Which wasn’t so bad, if it weren’t for the fact that she was enjoying it. She enjoyed discovering what was ‘different’ about him now. She enjoyed their time in the house together. . .even enjoyed sharing memories with Nathan as they came up. It should have been hard but it wasn’t. It was easy.

When they had first gotten married, it hadn’t been this easy. It took them time to get used to each other’s daily rhythms and habits. To get used to having someone around almost 24/7. But now? It was as if they had simply fallen back into old, familiar patterns. As if they hadn’t skipped a beat.

And this was what she had been trying to avoid all along. They were, despite her best intentions, growing closer. She was well aware of all the dangers that came along with that. And what scared her the most was as more time passed, the less she seemed to care about those dangers.

Nathan had barely rung the bell when the door flew open and Dan stood there, beaming at him.

“Nathan!” Dan exclaimed happily. “I was starting to wonder what was keeping you.”

“Yeah, uh, we-“

“It’s fine, son,” Dan said with a big smile. “It’s your birthday, you get free rein.” Dan finally looked over at her. “Haley.”

“Hi,” she said, as she forced a happy smile to her face. This was already hard enough for Nathan and she had promised herself not to make things any harder for him. And to do that, she was going to have to get along with his father. . .and the rest of his family.

“Come on in! Everyone’s been waiting for you!”

Dan ushered the both of them into the dining room, where Deb, and Nathan’s grandparents, Royal and May, were standing around the immaculately set table, awkwardly sipping their drinks. Everyone turned and smiled at Nathan as they entered. Nathan looked at his family nervously.

“Nathan!” Nathan’s grandfather, Royal, was the first to reach him and enveloped Nathan in a strong bear hug. “You’re looking good! How you feeling?”

“Uh, I’m. . .”

“Oh Nathan!” his grandmother, May, cut in, reaching up to hug him. Nathan gently bent down and returned her embrace. “It’s so good to see you. We so wanted to come out to Sacramento to visit you when you had your accident but your grandpa wasn’t feeling well and-“

“May, the boy doesn’t need to know about that!” Royal cut in. “Besides it doesn’t matter. What matters is he pulled through.”

“Nathan,” Deb said quietly, moving in tentatively to hug her son. “Happy Birthday.”

Nathan returned his mother’s hug awkwardly. “Thanks.”

“Hi Haley,” greeted Deb, turning to embrace her.

“Hi,” she said softly, hugging Nathan’s mom. Her relationship with Deb hadn’t always been easy but it was probably her best ‘in-law’ relationship. That is if you didn’t count Lucas.

“Hello Haley,” May greeted with a warm smile. “It’s so nice that you and Nathan decided to come back to Tree Hill.”

She smiled. “It’s good to be back here.” And oddly, she meant it.

Royal gave her a half-smile in greeting but said nothing. She had never been able to figure Nathan’s grandfather out. He had maintained ties to Karen so that he could stay up-to-date on Lucas, long before Lucas had become ‘recognized’ as Nathan’s brother by the Scotts, and yet, his relationship with Lucas wasn’t that much better than his relationship with Nathan.

“Alright,” Dan said, clapping Nathan on the back. “Let’s sit down and we can start dinner.” Dan cast a quick look at Deb. “You don’t need to worry, Nate. Your Mom didn’t cook it.”

Dan chuckled affably but the joke fell flat as everyone just uncomfortably looked at one another.

“Karen graciously catered it,” Deb said, her voice completely calm but her shoulders had tensed up noticeably. “It’s her birthday gift to you.”

Nathan nodded as he held out her chair for her. She smiled. Always the gentleman. Once everyone had settled in, Dan and Deb brought out large steaming platters piled with food and set them on the table. She recognized several of Karen’s Café’s ‘signature’ dishes and couldn’t help smiling. Whatever else happened tonight, at least they were going to get a good meal out of it.

“Here you go,” said Dan, passing Nathan a serving plate. “Guest of honor.”

Nathan took the plate with a wan smile. Everyone quickly followed suit and were soon busy serving themselves. Nothing but the sound of clinking china filled the room for several minutes. She noticed that Nathan was eating his dinner slowly and deliberately as if he needed something, anything, to focus on.

“So, Nathan, how’s the physical therapy going?” Royal asked suddenly, breaking the quiet of the meal.

Nathan looked startled, but managed to recover. “Uh, it’s good.”

“Great,” Royal said, nodding. He looked around the table and stopped at his son. “What was the reason Lucas couldn’t be here again?”

“I told you, Dad,” Dan replied, a note of impatience creeping into his voice. “He’s in L.A. Working.”

She frowned slightly. She still couldn’t quite get over the fact that Lucas actually had a relationship with Dan these days. Granted it wasn’t much better than the relationship that Dan had with Nathan, but at least there was one. Given the history there, it was weird to imagine Dan and Lucas speaking to each other, and about ‘family gatherings’ no less.

“Hope he’s working on getting some new recruits for the team,” Royal said. “UCLA didn’t do that great in the NCAA’s last year.”

“Royal!” May cut in sharply. “What did I tell you about talking basketball tonight?”

“May, I’m just-“

“Just don’t!” May’s tone was sharp and definitive. The kind of tone that invited no arguments from anyone. Royal looked like he was going to protest but one look at his wife’s expression and he quickly picked up his fork and resumed eating.

Yet another thing that she still couldn’t get used to. She would never forget the first time she had met Nathan’s grandparents. That dinner had been. . .something else. At the time, Nathan’s grandmother had struck her as the stereotypical ‘obedient’ wife. Their interactions that night had been so jarring. . .Royal was overbearing while May was sweet, if altogether too naïve.

In recent years, however, it had seemed as if a ‘new’ May had emerged. One that was still soft-spoken and still radiated an air of geniality but who didn’t seem to take any more of her husband’s boorish behavior. Royal was still overbearing at times, but now when May told him to knock it off, instead of making some snide comments and continuing, he actually stopped. At least temporarily.

“So, uh,” Deb ventured hesistantly. “How long were you planning on staying in Tree Hill?”

Deb hadn’t directed the question to either of them specifically but from the look on Nathan’s face, she decided to handle it. “Um, it’s kind of . . .open-ended right now.”

Dan looked at them in surprise. “Open-ended? Surely you’re planning on going back to Sacramento when training camp opens? You’ll be good to go by then right Nate?”

“I don’t know,” Nathan mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

“You don’t know?” Dan repeated incredulously. “I mean aren’t the Kings-“

“Danny.” May shot her son a warning glare.

Dan looked at his mother briefly before he smiled. “Sorry. It’s fine. You take your time. I’m sure the Kings will be accommodating. After all, you’re their star guard.”

Nathan said nothing, only vaguely nodding as he continued to focus on eating. Again, they lapsed into silence. Somehow, though, the clinking of the silverware against the china seemed that much louder to her.

“You know,” said Dan, his expression and voice conversational. “It’s good that you’re going to be staying in Tree Hill a while. We can finally have that lunch. You’ve been pretty busy the past week but that should ease up a little soon right?”

The last part of that was directed at her and she forced herself to ignore it. It wasn’t like she was deliberately keeping Nathan away from his father. Sure, she didn’t push Nathan to contact Dan, but she gave him the messages. Whether he chose to return them or not was completely up to him. But she knew Dan didn’t see it that way. No matter how many years had passed, or how many more would pass, in Dan’s eyes, she would always be the person who had taken Nathan away from him. Dan, of course, never seemed to consider whether his own behavior had at all contributed to the distance between father and son.

“Uh-huh,” Nathan mumbled.

“Are you still having the basketball camp here Haley?” Deb cut in.

“Um. . .I. . .haven’t really thought about that.”

“What basketball camp?” Nathan asked her, curious.

“It’s uh, for the foundation,” she explained, turning to him. “You have a two day basketball camp for disadvantaged kids every summer. Well, in the past 2 summers really.”

His eyes flashed briefly before he nodded. “Sounds good. You’re not doing it this year?”

She shrugged. “I was. . .I mean I didn’t know if you’d be up for it.”

“Right,” he said softly and resumed eating his dinner.

“I mean if you want to then we-“

“It’s fine, Haley,” he said quietly. “You know what’s best for the foundation.”

She caught Dan’s look at her and again, forced herself to ignore it. Once more, silence enveloped the room and all that could be heard was the clink-clink of the silverware. She had been at tense and unpleasant meals before but this one was definitely taking the cake. She was beginning to forget why she. . .why Nathan. . .was there in the first place.

Oh right, she thought wryly. To celebrate.

“You should do it,” Royal said abruptly. They all turned to him. “Do the charity camp. . .it’s a good cause and it’ll be a good way to ease yourself back into the game.”

“Royal!” May bit out angrily.

“What?” Royal protested. “I’m just-“

May dropped her fork against her plate with a loud clatter. “All I want is one. . .one!. . .family meal without sports, especially basketball, coming up! Is that too much to ask?”

“Mom, it’s-“ Dan tried to placate his mother.

“I’m sick of it!” May said through gritted teeth. “One meal! That’s all I ask! Especially tonight!”

“It’s not like we can avoid it,” Royal retorted, clearly trying to hold onto his temper. “Your grandson is a professional basketball player for God’s sakes! And the other grandson is a scout for a nationally ranked college team.”

“I don’t care! I’ll bet even. . .” May stopped as if searching for words. “Even. . .Michael Jordan’s family doesn’t spend half the time this family does talking and analyzing and obsessing about that stupid game! It’s ridiculous and I’m sick to death of it!” She turned on her husband who seemed to shrink underneath her angry glare. “You, Royal, you’ve always been the worst of it! Since you were young that’s all you could think about! I should have known it when I met you!”

“Now May-“

“It’s pathetic! Pathetic and downright sad! So you didn’t have the illustrious basketball career you’ve always dreamed of. . .so what! You had a life. ..a good one! And you couldn’t appreciate it! Oh no! Not you. No, you had to taint our children with your obsession and in the process our grandchildren as well!”

“Well, I’m mighty sorry!” exclaimed Royal, finally lost his temper. “I’m sorry that my tainting things got Nathan here a wonderful life. . .big houses, financial security, admiration from millions. And Lucas ain’t doing too bad either!”

“It got Keith killed.” May’s quiet, cold declaration seemed to suck all the air out of the room.

No one said anything. . .she didn’t think anyone even breathed for several long seconds.

“Uncle Keith’s dead?” Nathan asked quietly. She turned to Nathan and realized, once again much too late, that there was something from his past that he should have been informed of long before that moment.

“Nathan-“ she began gently.

“You don’t know?” May asked, horrified.

“How could he not know?” Dan said at almost the same time, looking at her accusingly.

“It’s not her fault,” Nathan said firmly. “I just. . .” He stopped and rubbed his temples as if he had a headache. “When did he. . .”

No one answered at first but then Deb chimed in quietly,

“Three years ago.”

Nathan nodded but said nothing, staring down at his plate. She looked at him in concern but couldn’t quite get a read on where he was emotionally.

“Maybe we should-“ Deb began.

“Was I. . .close to him?” Nathan cut in, finally looking up. His eyes searching the room for an answer.

Again, no one answered right away. This time, May fielded the question. “He was your Uncle, honey.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Well it should,” May replied, her voice brittle.

“Later on, you and Keith grew close,” Deb injected, in an attempt to dispel the tension.

Dan snorted. “Oh really? And was that before or after the incident Deborah?”

“Dan,” Deb turned to him with a look of warning which Dan, of course, completely ignored.

She inhaled deeply, dreading what was about to happen and yet not knowing how to stop it.

“What? I just think our son deserves the truth.”

“What truth? What incident?” Nathan asked.

She looked at Nathan’s parents pleadingly, silently begging them to consider their son’s feelings before their own, but from the looks on their faces, she knew it was futile. They were once again, caught up in their own emotional drama and when that happened, all else faded away.

“Your mother had an affair with your uncle.”

She closed her eyes, as if the action could erase Dan’s words. . .to take them back somehow. She looked over at Nathan, who was now looking at his mother in shock. And she knew that from the stricken expression on Deb’s face, Nathan was getting all the confirmation he needed.

“You did what?” Nathan asked his mother, his voice hoarse. “Is that. . .that’s why you and Dad divorced?”

“Nathan, you don’t-“

“I. . .” Nathan stopped and shook his head, grimacing. “This is. . .I can’t believe. . .”

“Nathan, that was years ago,” Deb said, her voice pleading. “That was. . .it was a mistake but I was. . .there’s no excuse I realize that but you have to understand how-“

“Understand Mom?” Nathan cried, rubbing his temples again. “How can I even begin to understand any of this?”

Deb looked at Nathan a beat before she turned back to Dan angrily. “You’re unbelievable! How could you just ambush him with something like that?”

“Ambush?” Dan retorted. “Ambush would be me walking into our home and finding you with my brother! Ambush would be having you trying to take Nathan away from me after you cheated. . .after you left us! Don’t talk to me about ambush!”

“Oh you want to play the fault game Dan? Fine! How about you deliberately trying to ruin my friendship with Karen by seducing her? Or trying to turn Lucas to your side once Nathan wised up and left you? I’ve made mistakes and I’ll gladly own up to them but they were just that. . .mistakes! I’ve never set out to destroy anyone. You can’t say the same can you Dan?”

“I-“

Whatever Dan was going to say was interrupted by a loud crash. Everyone turned towards the noise and found Nathan standing over the table, his expression stormy and his chair toppled over at his feet. He looked at them with a mixture of anger and disgust before he stormed out.

She had always been brought up to be respectful of her elders. . .something that was sorely tested in her dealings with Nathan’s family but whatever remnants of politeness she always held with them disappeared in that instant.

“What is wrong with all of you?” she cried angrily. She felt an odd sense of satisfaction at being able to finally ask the question that had been lodged in her head from the moment she had met Nathan’s family.

“Don’t try and turn this against us!” Dan threw back at her. “If you hadn’t kept Nathan away from-“

“I didn’t keep him away from you! But after tonight it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea!”

“Don’t you threaten-“

“I’m not the one who makes threats around here!” she yelled at him angrily. Before anyone could say anything further, she forcefully pushed her chair back and went after Nathan.

~*~

It took her a full five minutes before she found him. Five long minutes where every possible horrific scenario flashed through her head. She had checked the front first, but realized the instant she was out there that she had the car keys so Nathan couldn’t have driven away. She did look up and down the street briefly to she if she could spot him walking but the street was deserted.

She was making her way around the back of the house when she spotted his slumped figure on the bench near the basketball half-court. She approached him cautiously. After what had just happened inside, she didn’t know what his emotional state would be like. She couldn’t even begin to imagine.

“Hey,” she said quietly when she was close enough for him to see her.

He turned and looked at her briefly before he went back to staring at the ground. “Hey.”

She sat down next to him on the bench. “This is going to sound like a stupid question but are you okay?”

He looked up at her. “I may not remember things and I probably don’t even know much of anything but-“ He stopped and gestured towards the house. “That is one f*cked up family.” He sighed heavily. “That’s my family.”

“They have their moments.”

He chuckled, but it was devoid of all humor. “Like the ones in there?”

She sighed. “Sometimes. But there are good ones too.”

He looked at her seriously. “Was I ever like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like my Dad. . .or grandpa. My mother. Gran.” He stood up agitatedly. “Did I seek people out to wound and maim? Was I a mean son of a bitch?” He shook his head. “You know what? Never mind. I already know the answer to that.”

“Well I hope that answer is ‘no’ then” she said lightly.

“Actually-“

“You’re not! How could you think that?”

“How could I not?” He indicated the house. “Those people raised me! That’s what I come from!” He looked back at her. “Besides, look how I was with you after the press conference. Seek and destroy.”

“Nathan! You were mad. And you had the right to be. That. . .that wasn’t. . .” She stopped and looked at him. “You can’t really believe that you’re like that. I mean we all have our ugly moments. . .they don’t define who we are. Not unless we let them.”

“That’s just it!” he cried. “I don’t know! I can’t remember! I don’t remember all these things. I don’t remember how I’m supposed to feel about anyone or anything! I could have been the biggest ass in the world and I wouldn’t know because I don’t remember!”

Her heart contracted at the sound of the sheer frustration in his voice. And she felt the anger well up inside her again. But this wasn’t anger directed at the Scotts, but at herself. She had forgotten, selfishly, that Nathan was having just as hard a time of this as she was.

Because he usually appeared, at least outwardly, so calm and confident, it was easy to forget just how hard it must be for him to deal with losing such a large part of his memories. And she had forgotten. She had forgotten how hard it must be for him to be around people who knew him, yet he didn’t know in return. She had forgotten that as hard as it was for her to look at him and remember, it must be equally hard for him to look at her and not be able to remember.

She had spent so much time considering how hard it was for her that she had forgotten that they were just two sides of the same coin. Only Nathan seemed to have it worse. He didn’t have the same comforting memories to draw from. There was nothing but a void there for him.

“Hey,” she said, drawing his attention back to her. “In the spirit of our compromise, I will honestly say that you are a sweet, kind, generous and loving person. You’re one of the best people I know.” She smiled. “I mean yes, you have your moments where you’re a world class jerk but you know, I have my bitchy moments too so it all balances out.”

“I just can’t see you being bitchy.”

She grinned. “Wait until next week rolls around and my monthly cycle hits.”

He chuckled and sat back down on the bench. He sighed heavily. “Did Grandpa’s obsession with basketball really kill Keith?”

She shook her head. “No, I mean sure you can argue that if your grandfather hadn’t pitted your Dad and Keith against each other when they were kids then Keith might have gone into a field other than auto mechanics and wouldn’t have had that accident.” She shrugged. “But that’s like arguing that if you had taken the 5 o’clock bus instead of the 6 o’clock one, you would have gotten to the interview on time and would have been a multimillionaire by now. It’s all connected and yet it really isn’t.” She sat down next to him. “Keith’s death was just. . .it was a tragic accident. He dropped a drill or it slipped out his hand and fell against the engine and a part of the drill bit ricocheted and hit him in the head. Basketball didn’t really have anything to do with it.”

He sighed softly. “You know, I. . .can’t really remember him. He came around once in a while. . .usually when my Dad wasn’t around. We didn’t really connect when I was young. . .probably because I knew he was close to Lucas and that made me. . .but I feel like. . . .” He shook his head slightly before turning to her. “Did we. . .were we close later on?”

“After a while, yes,” she answered quietly. “Things were. . .they were bad after his affair with your Mom came out.”

He shook his head. “I can’t. . .did I hear my Dad right though? She had two affairs? And she left us?”

She nodded. “Yes.” As much as she hated doing this because it only seemed to be agitating Nathan further, she knew he needed the unvarnished truth right now.

He expelled a loud breath. “You were right.”

“I was?”

“When you said that no one can deal with 15 years worth of memories all at once.” He rubbed his temples. “’Cause I’m dealing with what? A few years worth and it’s. . .”

“You don’t have to deal with it all at once.”

“But I do!” he protested. “I’m. . .I’m tired of playing catch-up Haley!”

“Catch-up?” she repeated, confused.

“That’s what I feel like I’ve been doing these last few months. Ever since I woke up in that hospital, I’ve been trying to catch up with everyone else. Trying to catch up on the current news. . .the current music. . .movies. . .TV shows. The current sports statistics. Do you know I didn’t even know I averaged 20 something points a game until I did the prep for the press conference?”

He ran his hand through his hair in agitation. “Trying to catch-up on who I know, how I know them. Trying to catch up to what people are talking about.” He gestured towards the house. “Like tonight. I mean when the foundation came up I was actually happy for a second there because it was finally something I did know about. But then the very next instant, I was back trying to catch up again.”

“I need to remember things. I have to. So I have to deal with it all.” He sighed. “But after tonight, I just. . .it’s starting to scare me. What else am I going to find out?” He looked at her intently. “Am I going to find out that I cheated on you? Or you cheated on me? Is that why we divorced? Or was it something even worse? Were we like my parents? Because if we were then-”

“No,” she cut in firmly. “No. We didn’t cheat on each other. That wasn’t why.”

He continued to look at her intently for several beats before he sighed tiredly. “See? You just gave me the perfect opening. I could ask and I know you’d tell me, but I. . .I don’t know if I want to know. It scares me ‘cause I don’t know if I can deal with it. How am I supposed to feel about things? I mean I worked through the issues I had with my parents right?”

“Nathan you don’t-“

“But I don’t remember working through that. So how am I supposed to feel about them? The memories I have of my mom. . .she was just away a lot. . .distant most of the time. And my Dad?” He shook his head. “So how do I feel about them now? How do I connect my feelings? How do I connect what I know. . .what people tell me. . .to what I feel? How do I feel what I’m supposed to feel?” He sighed in frustration. “Sometimes I think I’m going to spend the rest of my life playing catch up and that. . . .it scares the hell out of me.”

“You don’t have to feel anything that you don’t,” she said quietly. And the instant the words were out of her mouth, she had a revelation. Wasn’t that what her internal discord was about? What she felt and what she was or wasn’t supposed to feel? That constant tug-of-war between her head and her heart?

She looked at Nathan. She never realized until then that he had been going through the same struggle. What his head told him and what he just felt. Two sides of the same coin. Just then, she had what she had been searching for since Nathan’s accident. A moment of clarity.

She expelled a breath and grabbed his hand, pulling him up with her. ‘Come on.”

“Haley, what-“

“We’re escaping.”

CHAPTER TWELVE – No Regrets

“O.K.,” he said, standing up and brushing the sand from his hands. “That should do it.”

Haley smiled and handed him a lighter. “You do the honors.”

He flicked the lighter and the small flame appeared instantly. He held the flame under the crumpled wad of newspaper until the paper caught fire. Once the flame had started to eat through the paper, he tossed it down onto the small campfire that he had just finished constructing. It took several minutes but the fire finally caught and soon, it was burning brightly as the firewood crackled and sent sparks shooting up into the dark night sky.

“You sure we’re allowed to do this?” he asked her once again.

She was kneeling, straightening a blanket against the sand. She shrugged. “Not entirely.”

“Haley?”

She smiled. “Trust me.”

He chuckled and shook his head. An hour ago and he was having the most miserable birthday ever. Granted, he didn’t remember all his birthdays but he would have bet any sum of money that the dinner with his parents and grandparents would have ranked at the top of his ‘worst birthdays ever’ list.

He still couldn’t believe all the things that had happened. All the ‘truths’ he had learned. In some ways, he wished he hadn’t learned any of it. He was already having trouble trying to figure out how to deal with his family. . .and now he had all this unwanted knowledge of them in his head. What was he supposed to do with it all?

Keith was dead. His mother was a serial cheater. His father seemed to have only grown more vindictive with the passing years. His grandparents were still together but he hadn’t sensed much love between them. Just resentment and bitterness. Then there was the inter-family adultery. It was like something out of a bad soap opera.

Was he supposed to be angry at Keith for having an affair with his mother. . .or was he supposed to mourn him? Was he supposed to be angry at his mother for cheating or at his father for dredging it up? And what was it his mother had said? Did his father really seduce Karen? So they had an affair? Did that affect his relationship with Lucas? With Haley? He couldn’t keep track of all of it. What was scary was that this probably was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to his family’s dysfunction.

“Hey.” Her soft voice behind him startled him, causing him to jump slightly. “Sorry.” He turned to find her smiling at him.

He returned her smile, but couldn’t help studying her. He had been doing that a lot in the past hour. Something about her was different. Since she had grabbed his hand to lead him away, something about her actions. . . .just her in general. . .was completely different. But he didn’t know what. And he had been trying to figure it out since.

“All ready,” she said, leading him over to the blanket. There was a bottle of champagne, two glasses and the cake box that she had picked up at Karen’s café on their way here. Here being the beach outside the beach house. As far as ‘escapes’ went, this was pretty good. The beach house was far enough away from the neighboring houses so that the stretch of beach that they could consider ‘theirs’ felt private and isolated. At night, that feeling was heightened. The lights from their next door neighbor were but a dim flickering in the distance.

The night air was cool and dry and carried the faintest scent of the ocean. He could hear the waves crashing to shore behind him but it wasn’t a loud roar, rather the sound had a hypnotic musicality to it. The sand was cool and soft beneath his feet and comfortingly oozed between his toes with each step he took. It felt as if they were in a completely different world here.

“Think you can get this open?” she asked, holding out the champagne bottle. She gave him a warning look. “Be careful though. I think I shook it up a little carrying it down from the house.”

He nodded as he took the bottle from her and began to open it. It was weird. There were things he just knew how to do. . .yet if he thought about it, he couldn’t really remember learning how to do them. Shaving. Programming his entertainment center. Opening champagne bottles.

Pop!

“Whoa!” he said as the champagne came surging up and began to run down the side of the bottle.

Haley laughed and quickly held out the glasses for him to pour the bubbling liquid into. She waited until he had ‘planted’ the champagne bottle in the sand before she handed him one of the glasses.

“I guess your idea of always having a champagne bottle chilled finally paid off, hmm?” she asked with a smile.

“My idea?”

Her eyes flashed briefly with an emotion he couldn’t read in the dimness of the fire light. Her expression remained the same however. . .relaxed and smiling. She raised her glass. “This calls for a toast. To your 26th birthday.” She looked him in the eyes and said quietly. “May all your wishes come true.”

She clinked her glass against his and took a big swallow. She looked at him, standing there still holding his glass and smiled teasingly. “The toast is no good unless you take a sip too you know.”

“I just. . .” He sighed. It would be easy to just go along he knew. But he didn’t even know what he was going along with here.

“You just what?”

“What’s going on Haley?”

“What are you talking about?”

He made a sweeping gesture around the beach. “This. All of this. I mean it’s great. Don’t get me wrong but. . . what. . .what is this supposed to be? I mean. . .”

“I would have thought that’d be obvious by now.” She smiled. “We’re celebrating your birthday.”

“I get that. I just. . .it just seems. . .sudden.”

She looked at him for a beat before she sighed and took another big gulp of the champagne. “Remember what you said on the docks when you came out here?”

“I said a lot of things,” he hedged.

“That’s true,” she conceded. “O.K. One of the things you said was that it, you know, it being this whole situation with you. . .with me. . .us. . .whatever, it felt like we were both being punished for something that neither one of us was responsible for. And you know what occurred to me tonight?” He shook his head. “That you were right. It has felt like we’ve been. . .that we are being punished. . .for something that just isn’t our fault. And I don’t know about you but these last few months have just been. . .depressing doesn’t quite sum it up. I mean don’t get me wrong, there have been a few nice moments here and there but overall it’s been kind of a downer don’t you think?”

He was about to agree but she pressed on. “So that’s what occurred to me tonight. That and the fact that your father was right.” She gave him a knowing look. “You know how scary that is, especially after what happened at dinner? Realizing that Dan Scott is actually right about something? But he is. Today’s your birthday and this one we should definitely celebrate. You know I’ve been so caught up in the depressing side of all of this, you know with what I lost. . .what you lost. . .we lost. . .that I forgot that I didn’t lose one very important thing.” She smiled. “You.”

“So tonight, we’re gonna celebrate. Your birthday. You surviving the accident. Us. . . .” She stopped and considered it. “Well, us trying to figure out how to deal with this all. We’re gonna stop being so down and miserable and sad because sad has been like my default setting for last 3 months or so and quite frankly that’s a sucky default setting. So I’m changing it.”

He stared at her, trying to process everything she had said. He knew Haley well enough by now to know that she tended to ramble at times. But that definitely was her longest ramble yet. Oddly though, he understood. It was exactly what drove him. If he focused too much on what he lost, he wouldn’t be able to get out of bed most days. So he told himself to focus on getting ‘better’. . .on getting his life ‘back.’ It was just, when things like tonight’s dinner with his family happened, he became unsure of whether trying to get his life back would really be ‘better.’ Or whether he could ever really get anything back.

She was looking at him questioningly, as if expecting an answer. He sighed. “I get what you’re saying Hales, but-“

She held her hand up, stopping him. “But you need to deal with things?” He nodded. “So deal with it tomorrow.” She smiled. “Come on, Nathan. Just for tonight, let’s just forget all about the real world and just how. . .hard. . .it is. Can’t we just forget all those problems. . .issues. . .whatever and just. . .just have fun huh? One night of just. . .celebrating?” She stretched her arms out to her side and leaned her head back slightly, looking up at the night sky. “Don’t you think the Gods. . .fate. . .whoever. . .owes us that much?” She looked back at him. “That we owe ourselves that much?” She leaned down and picked up the champagne bottle to pour herself more champagne. “Besides, those same problems and issues are still going to be there tomorrow. One night ignoring them isn’t going to change that.” She finished refilling her glass and turned back to him. “Are you really that eager to deal with all of that?”

He didn’t even have to consider her question. He smiled and shook his head. She chuckled. “Didn’t think so.” She raised her glass. “So. . .to a night of fun and not dealing.”

He grinned as he clinked his glass to hers. “To our great escape.”

~*~

“Aaaaahhhhh!”

He laughed as he ran after her, back to their fire and blanket. She was running as fast as she could go, and he had to admit, the sight of her body, silhouetted against the flickering firelight was making him glad that the water had been so cold.

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, huddling as close to the fire as she could get. “I forgot how cold the water could be this time of year.”

He chuckled as he looked around the area where they had set up this makeshift ‘picnic’ of theirs. “No towel.”

“I wasn’t exactly planning on going swimming,” she said ruefully as she picked at the strapless summer dress that was now clinging wetly to her body. All too closely. If he thought that dress had been ‘tight’ earlier this evening, it was nothing compared to how the light material was now wetly plastered against her body like a second skin. She shot him a look. “And you make one. . .even a little one. . .wisecrack about me tripping and falling and you’re gonna end up in that water buddy!”

“I wouldn’t think of it,” he said, somehow keeping a straight face.

She looked at him doubtfully before she mumbled, “Stupid wave.”

He laughed. “It wasn’t the wave that made you fall.”

“You are so asking for it,” she warned him, though he could see the smile she was trying hard to suppress. “It was dark, and cold, and that wave just came and. . .” She stopped and chuckled. “I’m a big klutz! There. I confess. Happy?”

He grinned. “You’ll never know.” He looked at her shivering by the fire. “You really should get out of that dress you know?”

“E-excuse me?” she stammered, looking at him in surprise.

“I just meant. . .it’s wet and you can get. . .sick and. . .” His voice trailed off as the full meaning of his words finally hit him. “I-I didn’t mean, uh. . .you know. . .that.”

She smiled. She wasn’t annoyed or upset by what he had said. Instead, she looked amused. “And if I were to take this dress off, what would I be wearing instead?” she asked him sweetly.

“I could run back to the house and-“

“And leave me out here alone?” she asked, shaking her head. “Besides, by the time you get back, hypothermia will have set in.”

“Hey! I’m not that slow!”

She grinned. “I didn’t say you were. I just meant. . .I’m really cold!”

And she looked it. She was still shivering and her teeth had started to clatter. “Uh. . .” He looked around, trying to come up with something. “Um. . .” His eyes stopped on the blanket which now only had the pastry box from Karen’s sitting on it. “The blanket?”

She looked from the blanket to him and then back to the blanket again before she exhaled slowly. “I’m only agreeing to this because I think even my bones are starting to freeze! I don’t do this sort of thing. Not usually.”

“Not usually?” he asked, very curious all of a sudden.

She shot him a look. “First things first. Can you shake all that sand off the blanket please? And be careful with the box.” She began to unzip her dress and he found himself watching. He wasn’t even aware that he was watching until she had unzipped her dress about half-way and suddenly stopped. She looked at him, her cheeks flushed. “Um. . .could you uh. . .” She made a gesture with her hand that indicated he should turn the other way.

“O-oh!” he stammered, embarrassed. “Right! Sorry!” Quickly, he spun around and busied himself with shaking out the blanket.

“Hey,” her voice came behind him. “If you shake that blanket any harder, you’re going to shake the color right out of it.”

“Huh?” he mumbled and then realized just how hard he had been shaking the blanket. “Oh, yeah. Um. . .” He gave it one last shake before he held it out behind him. He felt her hand brush against his as she took the blanket.

He drew in several deep breaths of the cool night air in an effort to control the rapid beating of his heart. He had owned up to an attraction to Haley weeks ago, and that certainly hadn’t changed but watching her unzip her dress just now. . .it had given him a taste of just how strong that attraction truly was. She was beautiful. . . and mesmerizing. . .and breathtaking. And at one point in time, she had been his. How could he not remember that?

“O.K., I’m decent. Goofy-looking but decent.”

He drew in another deep breath before he turned around. She was still standing by the fire, only now, her wet dress had been discarded in favor of the blanket. . .wrapped sarong-style around her body. It was much bigger than she was so bunched around at her feet and somehow made her seem smaller. . .more vulnerable. And she was wrong. She didn’t look goofy at all. In fact she looked sexy as hell with her hair wind-blown and the blanket making it seem as if she were naked underneath. If it were possible, the sight of her standing there wrapped in the blanket was even more stunning than the one of her with her dress clinging wetly to her body.

“Better?” he managed to get out, even though his breath had caught in his throat.

“Uh, a little.” She smiled as she reached for the champagne bottle. She poured herself another glass, before she sank down on her knees in the sand. By his count, that would be her 3rd glass. She downed about half the glass and grimaced slightly. “O.K. Champagne just does not warm you up the way vodka does.”

He grinned. The more he found out about her, the more he liked. “I can’t picture you doing vodka shots.”

She arched her eyebrow. “You’re not trying hard enough then.”

“How about you help me out?”

She chuckled. “This is strange. You know the first time I tried vodka was on a beach. . .with you. . .in the cold?”

“Really?” he asked, coming over and sitting down next to her.

She nodded as she drained her glass. “You wanted to cut school so I came along. Then you ‘borrowed’ a car from your Dad’s dealership and took me to your parents’ house on the beach. And then. . .then I got really, really drunk.” She laughed.

“Sounds like I was a bad influence.” She poured herself another glass. “You might want to slow down on that, Hales.”

She gave him a look before she took another big gulp of champagne. “You thought that back then too.”

“That you should slow down on the drinking?”

“No. That you were a bad influence on me.” She shook her head and looked at him reproachfully. “You never were. You were a great influence on me, Nathan. Don’t you know that? You changed my life.”

Her words touched him. Deeply. It was the first time in this whole confusing, chaotic mess he called his life that she had been so open with him. Usually, her guard was always up. They could be joking, laughing, or having a serious discussion, but he noticed that protective shield of hers in place. Even when she was sharing some memory of theirs, her guard was up. . .and her recall of the events, while interesting to him, often felt as if she were recalling a scene from a movie she had seen. She was completely honest with him, but it was done at a distance almost. It was as if she didn’t want to tie any real emotions into what she was telling him.

But just now, he got a peek at her without that protective shield in place. And he wanted to see more of it. He knew that she loved him. . .but he knew this from the things she told him. . .from pictures he saw around the house. . .from the brief glimpses of it on the home movies he had watched. But seeing that love first hand? That was something else entirely.

Whether this ‘openness’ of hers was the result of this special ‘one night only’ celebration or the champagne loosening some of her inhibitions, he didn’t know. All he knew was, he liked it. It was a side of her he had never seen before.

“Did I change it for the better?” he asked.

“Do you really have to ask?” she returned.

He looked at her intently, searching her eyes for clues that her guard was down. But it was hard to tell. “I kinda do.”

She drained her glass before she sighed. “Sometimes I wish that I. . .never met you.” She quickly shook her head, as if to negate that sentence. “That’s not really true. It’s just. . .sometimes it hurts too much but then I think of all the things we’ve been through. . .and how loving you made me happier than I’ve ever been or probably ever will be and it’s. . . .worth it.”

“Even this?”

She looked at him and his heart contracted at the completely open and vulnerable emotion he saw in her eyes. No sign of any protective barrier between them now. “No regrets.”

“What?”

She smiled and he could see her almost retreat into the memory. “That’s what you said when you proposed to me. The first time.” She shook her head. “Did you know I thought that you were crazy? I mean we were still in high school! But you were so. . .sure. And when I voiced my doubts that’s what you said. ‘No matter what, there’ll be no regrets.’”

“And we never did? Have any regrets?”

“I didn’t,” she answered simply.

He looked at her, in all her open vulnerability and somehow, somewhere, despite the disastrous events earlier that evening, he found the courage to ask her what he had wanted to ask her since he had found out that they were married. “Why’d we break up Hales?”

She stared at him for a beat before she turned away, shaking her head. She grabbed the champagne bottle and poured herself another glass. She nearly drained the glass and he resisted the urge to pull the glass out of her hands.

“Haley?” he prompted.

There was silence as she stared at the dancing flames of the fire and then she whispered,

“Basketball.”

“We broke up because of basketball?” She nodded, still staring at the fire. “How?”

She drained her glass and dropped it haphazardly onto the sand before she turned to him. He could definitely see that the champagne was beginning to affect her. “No, no, no. We’re not going to talk about depressing things tonight remember? No sad talk! We’re supposed to be having fun!”

He watched as she clumsily crawled over to where he had set the pastry box down on the sand. The blanket came loose with her movement and he caught a glimpse of her bare thigh and the slightest hint of her buttock, and all thoughts of their break-up went right out of his mind. He sucked in a deep breath of the cool air and tried to think of something else. Anything that would take his mind off of what lay beneath that blanket.

“O.K.,” she said with a bright smile once she had retrieved the box and was once again kneeling in the sand next to him. “Birthday cake time.” She fidgeted with the box for a few seconds before she got it open. “Actually, birthday cupcake time.” She grinned and held up a chocolate cupcake with silver and blue frosting on top.

She rummaged inside the pastry box for a beat before she pulled out a single white birthday candle. “Karen thinks of everything.” She held the cupcake, now with a single small candle in the middle of it, out to him. “We’re gonna go with just one candle. . .I don’t think this little thing can fit twenty. . . .” She paused and frowned.

“Six,” he supplied with a smile. Yep. That champagne was definitely getting to her now.

“Thank you,” she said, smiling at him sweetly. “We need to light it.” He didn’t know whether to be alarmed or amused when she turned questioningly towards the blazing fire with the cupcake.

“Haley,” he said quickly, placing his hand on her arm to draw her attention back to him. “I got it.” He reached into his pocket and retrieved the lighter.

She smiled happily as he lit the candle. Once it was burning, she launched into an out-of-time rendition of ‘Happy Birthday.’ He couldn’t help noticing that even in her inebriated state, she had a beautiful singing voice. Once she was done, she held the cupcake out to him, indicating for him to blow out the candle. “Don’t forget to make a wish.”

That was easy, he thought. There really was only one thing to wish for.

He blew out the candle and their eyes held for a beat before she smiled and said softly,

“Happy Birthday.”

He returned her smile. “Thank you.”

“Glad you decided to escape with me?”

“Of course,” he replied honestly. He saw her eyes light up at his answer and she beamed at him, causing his own smile to widen. She giggled suddenly. “What?”

“I was just wondering what was going on back at your Dad’s place.”

He made a face. “They’ve probably killed each other by now.”

“Your family’s really not that bad.”

“Compared to what? The Manson family?”

She giggled. “O.K. So they’re a little screwed up but. . .” She paused and looked at the cupcake oddly, as if she were noticing it for the first time. “This is yours. Are you going to eat it?”

He took the cupcake out of her hand and placed it back inside the pastry box. “Later. What were you saying about my family?”

“They’re. . .” She frowned, trying to remember, but clearly the effects of the alcohol were beginning to play with her memory. “They’re not your only family you know.”

“What?” he asked, not knowing whether to be confused or concerned. Having witnessed what he had at dinner, he wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he had a secret family somewhere else.

“I mean your parents. . .they’re. . .” She grimaced. “O.K., they’re kinda screwed up. . .but then you have Lucas too and he’s not like them. . . .and our friends. That was a nice family. Then there was you and I. . .no, me and you. . .” Her brow crinkled adorably as she grappled with the correct grammatical configuration. “Me and. . .”

“Us?” he offered helpfully.

“Yes! Us.” She smiled. “We were a family. And we weren’t bad. We were really good. . .I mean we had some problems but. . . .but it was a good family. Just our little family of two.” Her voice became soft and wistful. “I loved our little family.”

“Haley. . .”

“Why did things have to get so messed up?” She looked up at him and he could see her eyes shimmering with tears. One escaped and trailed slowly down her cheek. Something inside him caused him to reach out and wipe the tear away. She inhaled sharply, before she reached up and wrapped her fingers around his hand.

Her hand felt incredibly warm against his own. Surely no one’s touch should feel this hot he thought to himself. He met her eyes and was surprised to see just how clear they were. They didn’t seem clouded by the alcohol all of a sudden.

“I wish you could remember me,” she whispered.

His heart contracted painfully at her words. “I wish-“

“No,” she said, moving her hand to cover his lips with her fingers. “If you say it out loud, it won’t come true.”

He nodded, distracted by her hand moving across his face to caress his cheek. Her eyes were following the movement of her hand as it slowly trailed down to his jaw. Her fingers traced the line of jaw and found their way back to his lips. Her expression was one of wonder. . .as if she couldn’t quite believe that she was doing what she was.

Slowly, her eyes moved from his lips and up to his eyes where they held his own unwaveringly. He and Haley had shared these looks before. Moments when they somehow ended up too close to each other. He recognized the desire in her eyes, because he felt it too. But no matter how much they had both wanted it, they had somehow managed to keep their distance. . .to let those moments pass. . .

Until tonight.

One second he was staring into her eyes and the next, he felt her lips on his. Her lips were soft, and despite her earlier encounter with the cold sea, warm. Her kiss was hesitant at first, but when he didn’t offer any resistance, she angled her head and captured his lips more fully. Without thinking he returned her kiss, and moved his hands to her hips to steady the both of them. He felt her smile against his lips and then heard her sigh. The kind of sigh you’d give when you finally got home after having been away for a long time.

She pulled away then and looked into his eyes, her hand still cupping his face. He saw the naked desire in her eyes and that jumpstarted his brain, which seemed to have shut down momentarily during their kiss.

“Haley-“

“Shhh,” she commanded quietly. “No more talking.”

And before he could respond, she was kissing him again. This time there was no hesitation to the kiss. This kiss was urgent. . .seeking. He felt her desire in the kiss as she traced his bottom lip with her tongue causing his nerve endings to ignite. Whatever he had been thinking completely flew out of his mind in that instant. All that he was aware of was their mouths tangling with each other. He could taste the champagne on her lips. . .mingled with the faintest trace of salt water.

His mouth opened willingly to the gentle probing of her tongue and when her tongue entered his mouth and made contact with his own, a wave of desire washed over him, sending all his senses into overdrive. Her arm snaked around his neck, pulling her closer to him as their kiss deepened.

He moaned softly and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her more fully against him. She countered his action by leaning into him, so that her weight pressed him backwards, until he was lying on the sand, with her on top of him. He could feel a liquid warmth begin to spread inside him, and he could hear a voice in his head telling him that he should stop this, but the voice was faint. . .and growing fainter as he and Haley continued to kiss passionately.

It was as if his body had a mind of its own. It was responding to Haley’s touch almost instinctively. It matched her every action and movement perfectly. It was if they just fitted together. While he couldn’t remember, in his mind, making out with Haley his body certainly did. His body remembered how to touch her. . .and how to react to her touch in turn.

She shifted, sliding herself slightly off of him so that her hand could trail down his neck and to his chest where it easily found the buttons on his shirt and began to open them. Her frantic movements caused the blanket to loosen and fall partially away, exposing her bare skin to his touch.

His breathing grew ragged when he realized that she really was naked under the blanket. His hand trailed down her naked back, causing her to shiver against him. Her skin was soft, smooth and hot. His hand moved lower. . .finding the curve to her buttocks and he was sure he was going to pass out from the lack of oxygen for his breathing had grown shallow. . .that is if he remembered to breathe at all.

Her hand undid the last button on his shirt and impatiently brushed the material away until his bare skin was fully exposed to her eager hands. The liquid warmth that had been spreading inside of him had turned into molten heat by now and made him feel as if his entire body was on fire. That heat only intensified as her hand began to caress his bare chest. . .its movements frantic, but intensely sensual at the same time.

She moaned against his lips and shifted again, so that she was lying fully across him. He sucked in a sharp breath at the feel of her bare breasts against his chest. When her thigh brushed against his pelvis bone at the same time her hand grazed his nipple, he was hit with a wave of desire so intense, that his body began to literally ache from it.

He felt a familiar sensation below his waist and knew that he was fast approaching the point of no return. And in that instant, somehow, that voice in his head found the strength to break through the heady sensations that were otherwise clouding his brain. With willpower he didn’t know he had, he reached up and cupped her face in his hands and pulled her head away from his.

Her breathing was as ragged and as shallow as his own. They stared at each other, panting softly. “Haley. . . .we. . “

He eyes bore into his inquisitively. “What?”

He pushed her tousled hair from her face, trying not to focus on her kiss-swollen lips. . .trying to focus on why he had stopped them in the first place. . .and yet it was so hard. “We. . . .this isn’t. . .”

She smiled in understanding. “It’s O.K.”

“It is?” he murmured. He shook his head, trying to think clearly. “I don’t think-“

“No,” she admonished. “Don’t think. Thinking just. . . .just feel.”

“Haley. . .”

She leaned in and kissed him lightly. “No regrets,” she whispered against his lips before she kissed him again. He responded instinctively and kissed her back, passionately and deeply. And instantly, he was swept back up in those heady sensations and that voice in his head seemed to grow softer and softer.

Chapters 13 - 14

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