Living in the Moment

by Kate

CHAPTER TWELVE – One Perfectly Idyllic Moment

“Hales!”

She giggled and tightened her hold on his waist as she continued to press kisses across his broad, muscular chest.

“We’re gonna be-“ He stopped abruptly and drew in a sharp breath when she moved her hands down to the curve of his buttocks. She smiled against his chest as she squeezed playfully, and was rewarded by the sound of him expelling his breath with a sharp ‘hisss.’ “Haley.”

“Nathan,” she teasingly mocked his tone as she pressed closer to him, savoring the feel of their wet, naked bodies rubbing together. She licked a droplet of water off his neck and he groaned before he pulled away slightly.

“We’re gonna be late.”

“We have time,” she murmured, leaning in and kissing his Adam’s apple which bobbled erratically at her action.

He pulled away again. “We had time.” He brushed some wet strands of hair from her face and smiled. “Haven’t you noticed that the water has started to run cold?”

“No.” And she really hadn’t. Being with him, their wet and naked bodies pressed closely together within the enclosed space of the still steamy shower stall, made her feel a lot of things. But ‘cold’ wasn’t one of those things.

“You’re terrible,” he chastised her teasingly.

“Oh I’m terrible?” she challenged. “I was minding my own business, just taking a shower until someone decided to invite himself in to join me.”

He grinned. “I was trying to save time.”

“That worked out real well.” He chuckled before leaning down and kissing her softly. She moved in to deepen the kiss and he let her. But a few minutes later, he pulled away. “That is going to make us really late.”

“Well if we’re already late,” she said, her voice was innocent but her hands were doing something that decidedly. . .wasn’t. Nathan grabbed her hands and held them immobile in his own.

“Hales!” She giggled softly. “What do you think you’re doing?”

She tried to extricate her hands from his hold. “I’m just trying to help you with your shower.”

“Right.” He continued to maintain his hold on her hands. “As tempting as you’re making it, we’d never hear the end of it if we blew off Lucas.”

She sighed softly. “I guess we do need to go get ready huh?”

“Yeah, we do,” he said, leaning down and pressing a quick kiss against her lips before he finally released her hands. He smacked her butt lightly. “Now. . .out! I still haven’t showered.”

“I didn’t hear any complaints about that before,” she returned as she slid the door open and stepped out. Nathan’s soft laugh trailed out behind her.

She quickly donned one of the oversized terry cloth robes hanging from the hooks by the shower stall and headed for Nathan’s bedroom. She stopped momentarily at that thought. It technically was Nathan’s bedroom. It was his house. But it kind of felt like theirs these days. She looked around the bedroom. Her book bag was lying across the small table off to the side of the bedroom. A few of her textbooks were lying on the floor by the nightstand on ‘her’ side of the bed. Her favorite lotion stood atop the dresser. The dresser whose top two drawers contained her clothes. And more of her clothes hung in the big, walk-in closet.

And that was just the bedroom. She knew more of her things were scattered about downstairs. Her favorite drinks and food were in the refrigerator and her snacks filled some of the cupboards. She had also co-opted what used to be Nathan’s home office, including the computer in there, as her study center and she knew her papers and even more textbooks littered that room.

She sighed as she walked over to the closet to retrieve some clothes. It had been a month since that picnic in the backyard, and her relationship with Nathan had blossomed in that time. They both had incredibly busy schedules, but had somehow managed to carve time out for each other. Times that they had spent dining out. .. .or taking walks in the park. . . .or watching movies together. Or they had just spent time together doing nothing at all. She loved those times when she was studying while sitting next to him on the couch, while he watched ESPN or played one of his numerous video games just as much as she loved their outings.

And then there were the nights. She sighed happily as she thought of their wildly passionate nights together. Haley hadn’t exactly had a lot of experience in that area. She had also thought that she was. . .reserved when it came to sex. But as she had discovered, that wasn’t exactly the case. With a partner like Nathan. . .one who was open, caring, tender and encouraging. . .she had slowly started to be more aggressive when it came to their love-making. And in the process, she had started to shed her inhibitions. And Nathan was open to whatever she wanted to try. . .and never pushed her to do anything. He had let her dictate the pace and progress of their sexual relationship.

Actually, Nathan let her dictate the pace and progress of their relationship in a lot of ways. He made few demands of her. . .if any. He was kind, thoughtful, considerate, and passionate. He still had moments where she knew he was thinking about his past, but they didn’t tend to last long. And while he still hadn’t told her that he loved her, it didn’t matter. They were just words. What meant more were his actions. Every day. She felt adored and treasured whenever she was with him.

She shed her robe and began to dress. Despite all of that, however, she couldn’t help feeling a little wary. Things had moved so quickly between them. The last time she had been in a whirlwind romance, she had been left shattered. So even though she knew, both in her heart and in her head, that Nathan was nothing like Matthew and that this relationship was completely different. . .a part of her hesitated. Held her back. A part of her was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

She sighed. She loved Nathan. Completely. There were no doubts there. So having these doubts. . .about herself more than anything. ..left her feeling uneasy. It didn’t fit with the incredible happiness she felt. It was as if all the pieces didn’t quite fit, when she knew that they should.

“Hey.” She turned around to find him leaning against the doorframe, toweling his hair dry. Another towel was tied around his waist. Nathan didn’t wear robes, although there were quite a few around his house. Not that she was complaining, she thought with a smile as she took in his long legs and sculpted torso, still wet from his extended shower. “You look like the cat that swallowed the canary when you smile like that.”

Her smile broadened. “That cat never had you to share a shower with.”

Nathan blushed. She loved that. He didn’t do it often. And she didn’t think he did it around anyone else so that made her love it even more. The fact that she had such an effect on him. “What am I going to do with you?” he chided as he came into the bedroom.

“We have time to decide on that later,” she teased. He chuckled. “But for now, could you help me with this dress?”

He nodded and moved over to her, where he zipped up her dress, letting his hand linger against the nape of her neck as he caressed the skin there briefly. “You look beautiful,” he whispered, dropping a light kiss on her shoulder.

“Thank you,” she said softly, feeling tingles dancing along her spine. It amazed her that he still had such a powerful effect on her. The lightest touch. . .the briefest of looks. . .and she was a bundle of tingling nerves. She turned and smiled at him. “And you are still half-naked. I don’t think Lucas would appreciate this outfit at his birthday celebration.”

He grinned and walked over to the closet, pulling out his clothes. “He’s lucky I agreed at all.”

She watched as he discarded the towel and began to dress. Since they had first made love, Nathan had always been nonchalant about being naked in front of her. She guessed that after years spent showering and changing in locker rooms, being naked around others was like second nature to him. She, despite shedding her inhibitions with him, still had moments where modesty overtook her. She knew he found this amusing. ..’cute’ as he had phrased it. As she watched him dress now, however, she was definitely glad that he didn’t seem to harbor any such modesty.

She shook her head slightly. It was funny how easy it was to let her mind wander to other things where Nathan was concerned. “Nathan?” He glanced over his shoulder at her as he began to knot a tie around his neck. “Are you okay with tonight?”

He stilled for a second before nodding. “Yeah.”

“You sure?” He sighed softly and turned to the mirror, trying to straighten his tie. She walked over to him and gently turned him to her, adjusting his tie for him.

He smiled at her action. “It’s only a dinner.” His expression grew serious as he looked down at her. “Are you okay with tonight?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I already know Karen and Keith and it’ll be good to see them again.”

“Yeah, but you don’t know my parents. . .or grandparents.” Nathan grimaced slightly. “Why the hell Lucas would want to have dinner with the whole family is beyond me. There are better ways to celebrate your birthday.”

She finished straightening his tie and smoothed against his shirt. “’Cause he didn’t want to start WWIII by inviting only Karen and Keith. Sometimes you have to play family politics.”

“Having everyone in my family in the same room for an extended period of time is not the way to avoid WWIII.”

She smiled slightly. “It’s only a dinner.”

~*~

“Where the hell have you guys been?”

“Nice to see you too Luke,” Nathan returned to his brother dryly.

Lucas looked at them both a beat before he sighed. “Sorry. I just. . .” He shook his head before leaning over to kiss her cheek in greeting. “Hey Hales.”

“Luke,” she smiled. “Happy Birthday.”

“Yeah,” said Lucas, looking anything but happy.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him.

Lucas sighed again. “I don’t know what I was thinking. . .agreeing to this family thing. You’d think turning a year older would be punishment enough.”

“Yeah, ‘cause 26 is ancient,” deadpanned Nathan. He looked behind Lucas’ shoulder. “What’s going on?”

“What do you think?” replied Lucas. “And they’ve only been here for. . .what? 30 minutes?”

“That bad?” asked Nathan. He placed a hand behind her back as Lucas led them through the restaurant to the small private dining room near the back that had been reserved for them that night.

“Let’s just say that my mom and our. . .Dan. . .aren’t getting along quite as well as they usually do.”

She felt Nathan tense besides her but when he spoke, his voice was calm and easy-going. “Just remember this was your idea, genius.”

Lucas didn’t respond as they had reached the private dining room. Giving them one last look, he opened the door and ushered them in. She had heard some tense talking outside the door but the minute the three of them walked in, the entire room fell silent. For several moments, they all just stood around, everyone taking everyone else in.

Karen was smiling at them gently, her brown eyes kind and welcoming, which was a sight that Haley had missed. She had spoken to Karen a few times since reconnecting with Lucas but this was the first she had seen of her since moving away from Tree Hill all those years ago. It didn’t hit her until that moment just how much she had missed Karen, who had been like a surrogate mother to her. Next to Karen was Keith, who was also smiling at her warmly. She had been happy to hear from Lucas that Keith and Karen had finally decided to give their relationship a ‘go’ recently. She had always thought they made a good pair. . .even if it was odd, considering the history there.

She shifted her eyes to the other side of the table and found Nathan’s parents, Deb and Dan, and his grandparents, Royal and May, looking at her curiously. Well, Deb, Royal and May were. Dan Scott was looking at her curiously but there was something else mixed in there as well. She couldn’t really tell what it was. She smiled at everyone, even as she felt Nathan reach for her hand and squeeze it.

“Sorry we’re late,” Nathan said, coming into the room. His expression was impassive as his eyes traveled from face to face.

“Hi Nate,” said Deb, coming up to her son. There was an awkward moment before Nathan leaned down, embracing his mother gingerly.

“Haley,” Karen said warmly as she came up and embraced her. “It is so good to see you again.”

“You too, Karen,” she returned sincerely.

After greetings were exchanged, and introductions hastily made, everyone settled into their seats around the rectangular table. Lucas sat at the ‘head’ of the table, being the ‘guest of honor.’ She sat on Lucas’ right, with Nathan seated next to her and Karen and Keith seated next to him. Across the table, she faced Dan, with Deb on his left and then Nathan’s and Lucas’ grandparents.

“Um, I already took care of the menu so. . .” Lucas let his words trail off awkwardly. Silence descended on them and for long moments, nothing could be heard escape the muffled voices of the diners out in the main dining room.

Finally, Keith cleared his throat. “So, Haley, you look great. What have you been up to?”

She glanced down the table at Keith. “Oh, thank you. Um. . .I’ve just been studying you know. I’m finishing up my Master’s in Social Work at UNC-Charlotte.”

“That’s great,” said Karen. “When will you be finished?”

“She’s graduating in a few weeks actually,” Nathan cut in proudly. Haley turned to Nathan but didn’t quite make it, since the look on Dan’s face made her stop and meet his eyes. His expression was perfectly friendly, but she felt discomforted somehow.

“How’s your father?” asked Karen. “He’s in California right?”

“San Francisco,” Haley nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Deb cut in, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “I just. . .can’t place you, Haley. I know you used to live in Tree Hill but were you one of Nathan’s friends or. . .?”

She, Nathan and Lucas shared an amused look before Nathan answered his mother. “She was friends with Luke, Mom. During the time Luke and I hated each other.”

She knew Nathan’s comment was meant to be funny, but it went over like a lead balloon at the table. Silence fell in the room abruptly and she could see as well as feel the uncomfortable glances and movements. Nathan gave her an apologetic look and she reached over and squeezed his hand.

“You’re Phillip James’ daughter right?” asked Dan suddenly. She looked over to Nathan’s father and nodded slightly. “Is your father retired now? What about your mother? How is she?”

Dan was being perfectly sociable. And his questions were perfectly appropriate in that setting but she couldn’t help feeling that there was something more behind his inquires. As if they were meant to unsettle her. And from the way Nathan was squeezing her hand, she would guess that he was feeling the same way. However, she simply smiled politely and said calmly,

“Yes, he is. And she’s fine, thank you.”

Dan’s eyes flashed briefly before he smiled and nodded. “Good. Good. I’m glad to hear that.”

Thankfully, the first course of their dinner arrived and everyone fell silent as they ate. As the courses were served one after another, the conversation was kept to a minimum or focused on how delicious the meal was. Every so often, they would talk about Karen’s business or the Florida weather, but for the most part, it was either silence or variations of ‘this is delicious!’ It was odd, but not entirely new to her. She had been to a family dinner. . .or two. . .like this with her own family.

“So, Nathan,” Royal Scott began, as he pushed his plate away. Nathan shifted his eyes down the table to his grandfather. “How’s your training coming along?”

“It’s. . .good.”

“The Bobcats are gonna put you in the starting line-up right?”

“That’s still to be decided.” Nathan looked over at his brother, and frowned. Lucas sighed softly, while his expression seemed almost apologetic.

“Now, let’s not get all wrapped up in basketball stuff again,” May Scott injected. “This is Lucas’ birthday. Let’s talk about Lucas.”

“Yeah, Luke,” Nathan cut in. “Let’s talk about you. What’s going on with you?”

Lucas looked at his brother reproachfully before he smiled at May Scott. “Um, nothing really. You know I’m just busy with work.”

“You have a special girl in your life like Haley there?” asked May. Haley smiled uncomfortably at Nathan’s and Lucas’ grandmother.

“Haley’s one of a kind Grandma,” Nathan said with a charming smile.

“Then you’re certainly very lucky Nathan,” Deb cut in, smiling warmly at her son. Nathan’s response to his mother was decidedly cooler. He smiled slightly before he mumbled his agreement.

She looked between Deb and Nathan and couldn’t help wondering yet once again about the relationship between mother and son. Nathan didn’t talk about his family that much but she understood the basics. He wasn’t close to his father for the obvious reasons, but his relationship with his mother actually seemed more distant. They almost seemed like strangers at time. It actually reminded her of the strained relationship that she had with her own mother.

“You going to the training camp next week right son?” Dan spoke up suddenly.

Nathan cleared his throat. “Yes.”

“You ready?” Dan smiled easily at his son and yet, something decidedly uneasy passed between them.

“Sure.” Nathan’s voice had taken on a dismissive tone which she noted had the effect of making Dan’s affable veneer falter.

“So is anyone ready for dessert?” Lucas cut in hastily, sensing the increasing tension between his brother and father.

“Oh, we brought a cake for you sweetheart,” Karen chimed in. “Let me go talk to the waiter about that.”

“No, Mom, I-“ Lucas began but Karen was already on her feet and waving him off.

“I’ll help you,” said Keith, also rising.

An uncomfortable, almost stifling silence had settled in the room and everyone was doing their best to ignore it. Everyone except Nathan and Dan who seemed to be locked into some kind of perverse staring contest.

“You know,” Dan said, breaking the silence. “It’s not every day that you get a second chance to follow your dreams. It’s not every day you get a second chance to make up for the past.”

“You would know about that wouldn’t you Dad?” Nathan fired back at his father.

“Yes, I would. Which is why I find this. . .attitude of yours so. . .” Dan stopped and shook his head.

“So what?”

“Ridiculous!” Dan’s voice rose noticeably. “It’s like you don’t even care! You know how many kids are out there right now dreaming of being in your shoes? Dreaming about getting the chance you’re getting? The second chance you’re getting. It’s-“

“Dan. . .” Deb cut in warningly.

“How do you know I don’t care?” Nathan cried. “You don’t know anything about me. You never did! So don’t pretend that you do.”

“You know this-“ Lucas tried to defuse the situation but both Dan and Nathan were well past that point. She looked at Lucas helplessly, not liking where this was going if Nathan’s body language was anything to go by.

“You’ve never know what I wanted. It was always about you. You and your missed shots. . .missed chances. Your failures! It-“

“Oh my failures? That’s what this is about? I thought it was because of your failures. I had nothing to do with what happened to you then. As much as you’d like to blame me. . .blame how you were raised. . .that accident was-“

Nathan stood up abruptly, jiggling the table, which caused the china and silverware on it to clatter. He glared at his father and looked as if he were about to say something but instead he simply stormed out.

“Nathan. . .” she called after him futilely. She looked at his quickly retreating form helplessly before looking over at Lucas who was looking at Dan with a mixture of resignation and anger.

“That was uncalled for, Danny,” May Scott admonished her son.

“Yes, it was,” bit out Lucas as he threw his napkin on the table.

“I. . .apologize,” said Dan, and he actually looked contrite. “I didn’t mean-“

“Excuse me,” she said, getting up. She had never been to such a bizarre family dinner before. Not even the tension filled family dinners that included her mother were like this. Dan was looking at her with that expression that left her feeling uneasy, but at the moment, she wasn’t too concerned with analyzing it all. She just wanted to find Nathan and make sure he was okay.

“Hales?” Lucas stood up after her.

“I need to go find Nathan.”

“I’ll come with,” said Lucas as he ushered her out. “This was a bad idea huh?” Lucas remarked once they were out of the private dining room.

“Are your family gatherings always like this?” She scanned the large, main dining room but couldn’t see any sign of Nathan.

“More or less,” shrugged Lucas as he steered her towards the doors that led out to the patio dining area.

“No wonder you and Nathan don’t go to Tree Hill that often.”

“Yeah, no wonder,” Lucas said dryly. They exchanged small smiles as they scanned the outdoor patio for Nathan.

“Are you guys getting ready to ditch?” She and Lucas turned with a start to find Nathan standing behind them, his expression unreadable as he looked between them.

“Nathan,” she said in concern. “Are you O.K.?”

“Yeah,” he said softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her against him.

“Really?” Lucas asked doubtfully.

Nathan looked at his brother a beat before he sighed. “It was. . .nothing that I wasn’t expecting.”

“Where’d you disappear to?”

“Truth?” Lucas nodded. “I was headed for the bar and a stiff drink. . .but then decided against it.”

The brothers exchanged a long look before Lucas nodded. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“Yeah,” Nathan murmured as he stepped further out onto the patio, pulling her with him. “So. . .you guys want to ditch this?” Nathan glanced at Lucas. “Not exactly one of your better get-togethers man.”

Lucas smiled. “You mean you’re not having fun?”

They all chuckled before Nathan nodded his head towards the dining room. “I ran into your Mom on the way out. Looks like they’re ready to set a cake on fire in your honor.”

“Right,” Lucas said with a sigh. “Back to the trenches. You guys coming?”

She looked up at Nathan, letting him decide. He looked at her and then at Lucas before he sighed. “Yeah. . .in a bit, O.K.?”

Lucas nodded as he headed back inside. Nathan briefly hugged her against him before he led her out to the small garden that adjourned the patio dining area. The garden was enclosed, which gave it a measure of privacy. While they could still hear the soft chatter of the diners on the patio, it felt like it was coming from a different place. . .like conversations that would drift in from another room. There were a few benches placed around the garden but there was no one there but them.

Nathan sank down on one of the wooden benches, pulling her down on his lap as he did so. His arms encircled her tightly as he leaned his head into the space between her shoulder and jaw. She felt him sigh deeply against her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder, holding him tightly against her as one hand stroked his hair. For a long while, neither said anything as they just held each other tight.

Finally, she pulled away so that she could look at him. In this position, she was the one with the height advantage so she could look down into his eyes, which gleamed with emotions. “You okay?”

He stared at her for a long beat before he nodded. “Yeah.” He reached up and cradled her cheek with one hand. “Really. I just. . .I hate that he can still get to me that way.” His thumb caressed her cheek. “I’m sorry about the things he said to you in there. You know about your mother and-“

“It’s O.K.,” she cut him off. And it was. Right then and there, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter about his family. . .or hers. It didn’t matter that his father seemed to have something against her. It didn’t matter that they would soon be heading back into all that madness. Right then and there, nothing mattered but them. And that was enough.

“Really?”

“Parents can really mess with you sometimes can’t they?” she asked lightly.

“Yeah.”

She smiled tenderly at him. “But you know what this really amazing person told me once?” He shook his head. “That the trick is to not let them.”

“Really amazing person huh?”

She grinned. “You’d like him.”

“I would huh?” He smiled, but his expression was serious as he gazed at her. “I’m glad you’re here, Hales. I mean not because I wanted to subject you to the screwed up family drama but. . .I’m just glad you’re here with me.”

“I’m glad I’m here with you too. Even with the screwed up family drama.”

He leaned up and kissed her and she kissed him back. The kiss was slow and sweet. It was a kiss shared simply because they could. Because they wanted to. It wasn’t meant to lead to anything else. . .although she could always sense the intense passion between them whenever they were close. But that could wait. For now, this kiss was just about two people reveling in the presence of the other.

After a while, Nathan broke the kiss and nuzzled her neck. She could feel the soft kisses he planted on her skin as he pressed his face close against her.

“I love you.”

She froze. She dared not move. She didn’t think she was capable of it. She wondered if she heard Nathan correctly. For a fleeting instance, she honestly thought that she had imagined it. That her mind had somehow imagined those words in a way that made them seem real to her. For all she knew, this could well be a daydream. If so, she didn’t want to disrupt the illusion. If it was all an illusion, then she wanted to hold onto it for as long as she could.

After a few seconds and she realized that Nathan hadn’t moved as well. Realizing that she needed to say something, she pulled away, and looked at him. He looked a little surprised, but mostly, his expression was one of calm resolve. No traces of the troubled emotions from just moments ago showed on his face at all just then.

“D-did you. . .” she managed to get out in a choked whisper.

“Yes.” He stared into her eyes for long moments before he smiled and lifted his hands to frame her face tenderly. “I love you, Haley.”

A sound that was a cross between a sob and a laugh erupted from her as she felt a flood of emotions overtake her. Nathan not having said those words back to her in all this time hadn’t bothered her at all. Because she had felt loved in the way he treated her. Every moment of every day that they had spent together. She felt loved. . and cherished. So not hearing the words from him really hadn’t bothered her. Nor had she needed to hear the words.

But hearing them now. . . .it was like everything fell into place between them right then and there. Finally. . .everything clicked. Whatever hesitation she had felt. . .whatever self-doubts she had. . .they faded then. There was nothing holding her back. . .holding them back at all then. Their feelings. . .their actions. . . .their words. . . .it all came together in this one perfectly idyllic moment. And she was overwhelmed by it. She had never experienced a moment like this before. . .and she could tell that Nathan hadn’t either.

She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against his lips as her hands came up and wrapped themselves around his hands, which were still holding her face tenderly. “I love you too.”

She felt him smile against her lips before he kissed her again. “I guess there is something to celebrate tonight then.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN – Same Difference?

Nathan listened to the pulsating rap music coming in through the bathroom as he began shaving. He normally didn’t do this. Blare thunderous rap music at such an early hour that is. But today, he needed the distraction the heavy beats provided.

He was just getting into it when the music stopped abruptly. He frowned and glanced at the bathroom door just as Haley strolled in. She looked at him, her eyebrow raised questioningly.

“Isn’t it a little early in the day for rap?” She smiled at him teasingly. “Actually, what time of day isn’t it too early for rap?”

“Hey, I don’t make fun of your warbling chick music do I?”

She gasped indignantly. “You just did!”

He chuckled before he turned back to the mirror to resume his shaving. “Did the music bother you? I figure you were downstairs studying.”

She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle as she pressed a kiss against his back. “I was making you and Lucas a snack for the trip.”

“Thanks. You didn’t-“ Whatever he had planned to say was forgotten just then because she had leaned her head against his back, pressing her body close against him while her hands were lazily roaming up and down his bare chest. His body reacted to her touch almost instinctively. “Haley?” he asked casually.

“Hmm?” she murmured, not stopping what she was doing.

“Remember we talked about this? You can’t be doing that while I’m shaving. Unless you want me to slice open a vein.”

She laughed softly before her hands stilled. “Sorry,” she said, pressing a quick kiss on his back before she came around him and hopped up onto the counter next to the sink. She held out her hand and wiggled her fingers. Wordlessly, he gave her his razor as he shifted over, positioning himself between her legs. He placed a hand on either side of her hips and leaned down on them, bringing his face closer to her.

She smiled at him briefly before turning her attention to his face. One hand held his chin to steady his face, while the other slowly scraped the razor across his cheek and jaw. He couldn’t help smiling a little as he watched her brow furrow in concentration as she finished his shave for him. Like most guys, he hated the daily routine of shaving, but when Haley shaved him, it became an altogether different experience. A lot of things became a different experience with Haley. Things he’d never thought he’d enjoy, he actually looked forward to if they were going to do it together.

Like cleaning up after a meal. He hated housework. That was why he used a service that had professionals come in each week to clean up his house. But doing the dishes with Haley wasn’t a chore. . .it was just more time that they got to spend together. Time for them to just. . .be. Of course, the fact that sometimes their mundane activities led to. . .other, completely-not-mundane things also helped. His mind flashed back to that night in the kitchen where they had ‘formally’ and very pleasurably christened the center island counter.

“What are you grinning about?” She was looking at him curiously.

“Hmm?” he asked, the images of that night still playing in his mind. “N-nothing.”

Her eyes narrowed skeptically before she smiled knowingly. “Right. You have a one track mind.”

He chuckled softly. “Says the person who attacked me in the middle of a movie last night.”

“I did not attack you,” she denied, as her cheeks began to turn that telltale shade of crimson. “I was just a little. . .impatient.” He was about to respond but she held up the razor in warning. “Before you make a smart ass remark about that, just remember who’s holding the razor blade.”

“I like your. . .impatience.” He couldn’t resist leaning in and kissing her quickly, which smeared some of the shaving cream across her face.

She squealed in protest as she wiped her face. “No kissing until you’re shaved mister!”

He obediently pulled back and she smiled before resuming his shave. He glanced at the sight of the two of them in the mirror behind her and felt a tug at his heart at the sight. They looked like they. . .fitted, which was something he’d never thought he’d ever say. He had never thought that someone like her would come into his life. And want to stay. Certainly not after witnessing the family gathering at Lucas’ birthday celebration last week. But somehow, all that drama. . .that chaos. . .had only drawn them closer together.

Dealing with his family, especially his father, had brought up really unpleasant memories. Reminded him that the past wasn’t that far behind him. Especially when his first instinct had been to reach for a drink. That was how he had reacted to everything last time and he had been scared that he was still instinctively reacting to things the same way. Scared that he would make the same mistakes all over again. But somehow he had stopped himself. Still, the internal battle had raged inside of him.

Until he was with Haley.

And then he had just felt calm. At peace. Just holding her. . .having her hold him. . .it was like everything just faded away. The past. . .his father. . . .the pressures and expectations placed on him. It was easy around her. Easy to forget about everything else but each other. With Haley, all he felt was contentment.

He loved that. He loved her.

He wondered why it had taken him so long to tell her. Or why he had done so in that moment. It wasn’t exactly ideal. He had just stormed away after another nasty confrontation with his father. . .one that she had witnessed. He certainly hadn’t planned it. But he had felt it. And before he knew it, he was verbalizing what was in his heart. As if it was the easiest thing in the world. In that moment, it had been.

Haley finished shaving and tossed the razor into the sink. She leaned over and grabbed the wash cloth and rinsed it with water before she used it to wipe away any remaining shaving cream on his face. Her action was gentle but firm. . . .two words that he thought described her perfectly. Finally, she reached for his aftershave, pouring some into her hands and rubbing them together before she gripped his face between her hands, letting her fingers gently spread the aftershave across his face, while gently caressing him at the same time.

“Much better, handsome,” she smiled at him after she was done.

“Thanks, gorgeous,” he returned, leaning in closer. “Now can I kiss you?”

In response, she pulled him to her and kissed him. The kiss started off slow but passion built quickly and soon, she was clinging to him tightly as their tongues engaged in a hot, wet dance between their mouths. Her legs wrapped themselves against his waist as he leaned in as close as he could without actually losing his balance.

Finally, they both had to pull away as they gasped for air. He steadied them with one hand on the counter, while the other pressed against the small of her back.

“I’m going to miss you,” she whispered, once she had gotten her breathing under control.

At her words, reality came back to him. He was leaving in a little while to head to the rookie training camp for a week. He had been dreading this camp for a long time, for a lot of different reasons. But since Haley had come into his life, all those reasons were quickly shoved to the back by the biggest reason of all. He didn’t want to be away from her. Not for a day. . .much less a week.

The last time he had been away from her, they had just decided to see if the ‘more than friends’ thing could work. They had been close then, and he had missed her entirely too much. But that seemed almost like child’s play compared to now. Now, he loved her. He needed her. He had barely made it through his last trip away from her. How the hell would he do it this time given all that had happened between them since?

“I’m going to miss you too, Hales,” he said softly.

She inclined her head to look into his eyes. He saw some sadness in the warm brown depths of her eyes but mostly he saw the love. And confidence. . . .her unwavering confidence in him. “You’re going to do great at the camp.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” she said with quiet certainty.

“Move in with me,” he said suddenly.

“W-what?” Haley looked as surprised as he felt. Where the hell did that come from? And yet. . .it was exactly what he was feeling. . . .what he had wanted to ask her for a while now. Again, it wasn’t the ideal time to say something like that to her. ..but somehow, it felt right just then.

“Look, I know this isn’t the best time to ask you this. But is there really a best time for it? I mean you’re practically living here already and it won’t be that much of a change will it? I just. . .I keep thinking about being away at the camp. . .away from you and the only thing that makes it even remotely bearable is knowing you’re here. In this house. . .in our bedroom. It gives me something to look forward to. . .it gives me something to come home to.”

He stopped and took a breath. Haley was still looking at him with that surprised expression. “And I know you’re a little scared ‘cause of what happened with Matthew and I’m not trying to push you or anything so if you don’t want to that’s totally cool. . .it’s fine. It’s just. . .I love you and I want you around all the time. I like having you around all the time.” He stopped again when he noticed that her expression had changed from surprise to amusement. “What?”

“I just. . .I thought I was the rambler in this relationship.”

He smiled slightly. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me.”

“If that were true, you’d be a lot neater by now,” she teased before she grew serious. She looked up into his eyes and held his gaze for a long moment before she nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?” he repeated, surprised that it hadn’t taken her long at all to come to her decision.

She nodded. “Okay, I’ll move in with you.” She smiled. “I guess I was. . .kind of putting that off too for whatever reason. And they don’t really matter anymore.” She touched his face tenderly. “You’re not Matthew and there’s really no reason for me not to move in. . .or at least make it official or whatever since I’m practically living here already.” He smiled broadly. “I just. . .need to clear things with Peyton. We still have a lease on the apartment and I don’t want to leave her in the lurch or anything.”

“I understand. And you know, uh, if you need any help with that I-“

She smiled. “We’ll handle it.” She glanced behind her at the clock mounted on the wall. “So. . .what time was Lucas supposed to be here?”

He looked at the clock and did a quick calculation. “About another 45 minutes. And I haven’t even packed yet.”

“You know. . .I was thinking. . .if I helped you pack, that would save us some time for. . .other stuff.”

“Other stuff?”

She smiled at him suggestively as her hands trailed down to the elastic band of his boxers. “If you really. . .focused. . .we could do a whole lot in 30 minutes.” For emphasis, she let on of her hands slip under his boxers, where it cupped his backside firmly.

She let out a cry of surprise when he unceremoniously scooped her up against him. And then she laughed as she wrapped her legs around his waist holding on as he carried her into their bedroom. . .completely ready to focus on those other things.

~*~

“You are moving on up, girlfriend!”

She chuckled softly as she deposited the box she was carrying onto the floor of the living room. “Are you going to say that every time you come over here?”

Peyton grinned. “I just might. Does it bother you?”

“Brat,” she muttered good-naturedly, as she collapsed onto the couch. “I should have listened to Nathan and hired some movers to do all this stuff for us.”

“And miss out on seeing Jake and his buddies work up a sweat?” Peyton said with a laugh as she joined her on the couch.

She laughed briefly. “Seriously, please thank Jake and his friends for helping. Especially with taking all my furniture to the storage place.”

Peyton waved her hand dismissively. “Jake loves you, you know that. He was happy to help.”

She smiled. “I feel bad that they couldn’t even stick around a little. I was planning on ordering some food and they could have played around on Nathan’s entertainment center.”

“You sure Nathan wouldn’t have minded? You know guys view their entertainment centers as their first born almost.”

She laughed. “It was his idea when I told him they were helping us.”

“If I haven’t said this enough, you have totally lucked out with Nathan! If I didn’t have Jake, I would be seriously, seriously jealous.” Peyton grinned at her and made an exaggerated show of looking around. “Actually I am seriously jealous. You hit the motherlode, dude. A gorgeous stud with money and a totally awesome house.”

“You know those things aren’t important to me.”

“I know,” Peyton said seriously, leaning over to hug her. “Did I fail to mention that the gorgeous, rich stud with the totally awesome house also completely adores you? I’m really happy for you, Hales. You deserve this. All of this.”

She hugged Peyton back. “Thanks. For that, but also for being so great about everything. Are you sure you and Jake will be okay with taking over the lease?”

“Will you stop worrying about that?” Peyton chided her. “I told you, we’re cool. And there’s only a few more months left on the lease which gives us plenty of time to look around for a new place. It’s cool. Trust me. Everything worked out great. . .for both of us.”

She smiled. “So. . .what do you say? Pizza? Chinese? Thai?”

Peyton shrugged. “You pick.”

She checked her watch and was surprised to see what time it was. “Whoa! I didn’t realize it was this late.” She sat up and reached for the remote, turning the flat-screen TV on. “They’re doing some sort of special on the local news on Nathan tonight. I saw an ad for it yesterday. There’s supposed to be some kind of exclusive or something.”

“Nathan’s giving interviews while he’s at training camp?” Peyton asked, confused.

She shook her head. “No. Well, they have reporters covering the camp and they probably have a sound bite from him or something but from what I could tell, this thing was something they pieced together just to have one of those ‘special features’ stories you know? He’s kind of the local celebrity around here. Well, at least the big story of the moment with his comeback and all.”

Just then, the news cast came back from the commercial break. The anchor welcomed back viewers before quickly sending the broadcast over to its sports reporter who stood outside what she recognized as the Bobcats’ official headquarters.

“Nathan Scott isn’t a rookie, but making his comeback with the Charlotte Bobcats, he has to start from square one,” the reporter began. “All week long, he is with the Cats’ newest draft picks, working out, playing scrimmages and doing everything a rookie would do to try and impress the front office enough to secure a place in the starting line-up.”

The broadcast cut to some stock footage of Nathan playing basketball in college. . .and then as a pro the first time around. The reporter’s voice continued over the images flashing across the screen. “No one would have thought years ago that rookie training camp would be where Nathan would find himself today. As a first round draft pick out of UCLA, Nathan showed incredible promise. He had set several records, some still standing, as he had led the Bruins to a national championship and two division titles. Not surprisingly, he was one of the brightest pro prospects the year he was drafted by the Mavericks.”

“For a while, he seemed to be living up to expectations as the starting shooting guard with the Mavericks. He played with his trademark aggressive flair and was putting up strong numbers.” Images of Nathan playing in a Maverick uniform were now flashing across the screen and she couldn’t help noticing how he looked distracted in a lot of the shots. “Life was good for Nathan Scott. Having earned a ‘bad boy’ rep in college, he only upped the ante as a pro.” She winced as they showed footage of Nathan arguing with officials and getting into shoving matches with other players.

“None of that hurt him though,” continued the voice-over. “He signed lucrative endorsement deals with some of the biggest names in the business. And his ‘bad boy’ image only made him more attractive to the ladies. . .of which there were many.” She was now cringing as image after image, some still shots, some ‘live action’ footage of Nathan with a bevy of women flashed across the screen. They all seemed impossibly thin, tall, and gorgeous. . .in that perfectly manicured and coiffed kind of way.

“What is this? I thought I was watching the news, not some tabloid show,” Peyton said, sounding annoyed.

“It’s just. . .everyone does it these days it seems.”

“. . . .was riding high.” She turned her attention back to the TV. “He was showing amazing talent as a pro, was earning millions in endorsements and for a time, it even looked like he was getting serious with model Christine Pane.” Images of Nathan with a tall, thin, blonde with an impossibly flawless figure flashed across the screen. “Rumors of their engagement began to circulate but that was short-lived because soon. . . .Nathan began to unravel right before the horrified eyes of his teammates and basketball fans.”

More images of Nathan fighting on court flashed across the screen. “He began racking up suspensions for fights on the court. He started to miss practices and began amassing sizeable fines. There was talk that the Mavericks were looking to trade him. Rumors of drug and alcohol abuse began to circulate in N.B.A circles, but Nathan continued with his erratic and destructive behavior.”

“All of this culminated in a tragic accident one night. . .in nearby Wilmington, which had become Nathan’s adopted home during the off-season.” Footage of an accident scene, complete with ambulances and police cars flashed across the screen quickly. “A car crash claimed the life of Nathan’s former UCLA teammate, Tim Smith, that fateful night. And it was only by sheer luck that Nathan escaped with his.”

“This isn’t. . .” Peyton was looking at her in concern. “Maybe we should just change the-“

“No,” she said firmly. As bad as this report seemed to be, she was oddly drawn to it. It was like she knew it wasn’t going to get better, but she just had to see it all the way through. “It’s. . .fine.”

“. . . .after a stint at one of the top rehab centers in the nation,” the report continued. “Nathan disappeared from both the public view and basketball. So it was a surprise when a little under a year ago, there were whispers coming from the Bobcats organization that they were going to sign Nathan to a deal. When official word was announced this year, reaction from basketball circles was cautiously optimistic.”

More recent pictures of Nathan flashed across the screen. “Nathan Scott appears healthy and poised to make a dramatic comeback with the Cats. He is working hard to get back into peak physical condition. He seems calmer. . .more relaxed. Whether that will affect his trademark intensity on court is one of many unanswered questions surrounding his return to the N.B.A. But word from the Cats is that he’s taking his comeback seriously. . . .putting in long hours training and working out.”

“His brother, Lucas Scott, who was also a talented basketball player until a shoulder injury sidelined him permanently, is now acting as his manager and agent. Lucas seems to be the much-needed calm, guiding influence that was so sorely lacking in Nathan’s life earlier. Together, will the Scott brothers accomplish great things in basketball?” The report cut back to the reporter standing outside the Bobcats’ offices. “And now for the exclusive we promised you. Normally, we don’t do this sort of thing, but we’ve learned that new pictures of Nathan will be released this week in most major magazines. Reportedly, they are of Nathan and the newest love in his life. Only here will you get an exclusive sneak peek at one of those photos.”

She nearly fell off the couch as a somewhat blurry picture of Nathan’s beach house in Wilmington came on the screen. She gasped out loud as the camera zoomed in on the image and she recognized herself standing on the beach with Nathan. It was a blurry photograph and her image wasn’t that clear but she recognized it. She knew exactly when it was taken. And it made her feel ill. Someone had not only been watching them then but had taken pictures of it?

“Who’s the mystery woman?” the reporter asked. “Reportedly, she is 25 year old UNC-Charlotte grad student, Haley James. According to reports, she grew up with both Nathan and Lucas Scott back in Tree Hill and reconnected with them just last year. Now it seems that she and Nathan have rekindled their romance.”

“Does this mean that Nathan has finally gotten his life back together?” The reporter shrugged. “All I know is, many fans in the area, are sincerely hoping so. The Bobcats will need someone like Nathan if they hope to contend for a playoff berth this year. The real test will be when he takes the court in October at the Bobcats’ first game. All eyes will be on him that night. Until then, we will just have to wait and see.”

The reporter then sent the broadcast back to the anchor, but she was no longer paying attention. She was staring at the screen in shock. Her mind was trying to process what had just happened, but it wasn’t having much luck just yet.

~*~

“What the fuck was that?!”

Lucas visibly winced at the sound of his voice, but he didn’t care. Nearly twenty minutes had passed since that. . .crap had aired, but he was still fuming. He continued to pace around his hotel suite angrily. The news report had started off bad. . .gotten worse. . .and had ended up disastrously. He didn’t even know where he should start with what pissed him off the most about that ‘news report.’ News report, my ass, he thought angrily. More like trash television.

On second thought, he knew exactly what pissed him off the most. Those bastards had ‘outed’ Haley. It wasn’t bad enough that they had invaded both their privacy with that picture but to name her by name? That was inexcusable.

“Are you going to tell me what the hell just happened?” he demanded, glaring at Lucas.

“I don’t know!” Lucas cried, looking almost as angry as he was.

“That’s your fucking job, Luke! You are supposed to take care of things like this!”

“I get that you’re mad, O.K.? But prowling around this hotel room and yelling at me isn’t going to do any of us any good.”

“And what do you want me to do? You know what? Screw that. It’s your job. Do it! What the hell are you going to do about this?”

“You sound like a prissy diva when you say things like that.”

“Fuck you, man!” he roared.

Lucas stood up abruptly. “That’s more than enough!”

He and Lucas glared at each other for long moments before he expelled an angry breath, fighting to seize control of his anger. Losing his temper was still his first instinct most of the time. Besides, this wasn’t Lucas fault. He shouldn’t be screaming at his brother. What he should be doing was calling up those idiots at that TV station and screaming at them. “I’m. . .I didn’t mean to. . .I’m just-“

“Angry, I know,” Lucas finished for him. “I am too.” He looked at his brother in surprise. “What? Did you forget? Haley’s one of my best friends. I don’t like seeing her privacy violated anymore than you do.”

He had forgotten. At least momentarily. Haley had become so important to him that it was hard to imagine what things had been like before they had met. It was easy to forget that other people cared about her too, because it was hard to imagine that anyone could love her like he did. Then again, it wasn’t that hard. Haley being who she was. . .it was easy to see how people could so easily care for her. To love her. It seemed impossible not to once you knew her.

He sighed and finally stopped his relentless pacing. He sank down on one of the armchairs in the hotel room. “I can’t. . . .believe this is happening.”

“You okay?” Lucas asked him, sitting back down.

“No,” he answered honestly. He placed his head into both hands and expelled a tired breath. “Damn it, Luke! I was. . .I didn’t want Haley to be pulled into all that crap! I don’t want to be pulled into all that crap but at least I know the score. It goes with the territory. But she isn’t a part of that territory.” He shook his head. “You think she saw it?”

Lucas shook his head. “I hope not.” Long moments of silence passed between them as each retreated into their own thoughts. “O.K. Look, I’m gonna call the station and. . .raise some hell to see what I can do for damage control but. . . .the cat’s out of the bag, man. Even if I could get them to issue an apology or even make a retraction, Haley’s picture and name is already out there.” Lucas sighed tiredly. “Besides, according to them, this is about to go national soon. It’s just. . .it’s. . . .” Lucas paused and shook his head again. “I’m still trying to figure out how some photographer knew you guys were in Wilmington to take that picture.”

“Zack Mitchell.”

Lucas looked at him in surprise. “What? How would Zack-“

He sighed. He had been slowly piecing things together since seeing that report air and it was all starting to make an ugly kind of sense. “We ran into him in Wilmington. I brushed him off and he was probably pissed about that. Then again, who knows? Maybe he didn’t even care about that. Maybe he just needed money for a fix or something. He probably called a tabloid and they sent one of those sleazebag photographers after us.”

“You should have told me you ran into him.”

“It didn’t seem important at the time.” He sighed. “That’s why I had to tell her about. . .you know. Well, one of the reasons I had to tell her.” He jumped up, suddenly agitated again. He was beginning to think that his past was going to dodge him no matter what. It seemed to always be there. Reminding him. “I’m gonna go try and reach Haley again.”

He strode into the bedroom and scooped his cell phone off the bed and punched the speed dial button for Haley’s cell. It rang for a few seconds, and then just like countless times before, he was switched over to her voicemail. He sighed before he disconnected. This time, he hit the speed dial for his house in Charlotte. Oddly, instead of ringing, the line just simply disconnected. He stared at his phone in confusion and was about to dial the number again, when Lucas walked into the room, his cell phone pressed against his ear. He was clearly in the middle of a conversation. He looked at his brother irritably. Did he need to have his conversation in here?

“. . . .yeah, okay, I’ll take care of that.” Lucas nodded as he listened. “Okay. That’s cool. You sure you’re okay? If you want, you can just stay at my place. I’ll tell you where I keep the spare key.” Another pause. “You sure? Okay. Yeah, it is, isn’t it? Alright. Yeah, he’s right here.”

“It’s Haley,” said Lucas as he held his cell phone out to him.

He grabbed the phone quickly. “Hales?”

“Hi,” she said softly. He felt a rush of relief at hearing her voice, but that was quickly replaced by concern when he registered how she sounded. He knew then that she had seen the report on TV.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just. . .” He sighed. “Are you okay? Where are you? You’re not picking up your cell and the line at the house seems to be disconnected.”

“Uh, yeah, I, um. . .unplugged the phone.” She paused and he could feel his anger at the station. . .at the photographer. . .at himself. . .well up again. “Some. . .people started calling. And I, um, haven’t even bothered to check my cell.”

“Damn it. I’m sorry, Hales, I-“

“It’s not your fault, Nathan.”

“It feels like it,” he said honestly.

“Nathan. . . .”

“Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m at the house. And Peyton’s going to stay with me for a while. So, um, Jake’s going to be hanging out with us at times too. Is that okay?”

“It’s your home too,” he replied easily. “And I’m glad they’re with you.”

“Yeah,” she said. She sounded so tired, which only made him feel worse.

“I’m really sorry, Hales. I didn’t. .. I didn’t think it’d get like this. I should have. .. warned you or something. Or at least protected you better somehow. You know if you wanted to. . .take some time. . .I’d understand.”

She didn’t say anything for a long time. Long enough so that he began to worry. But when she spoke, she didn’t sound at all tired. Or upset. She sounded resolute. “Nathan? I’m fine, okay? And I don’t need to take any time. I love you. And we’ll handle this together just like we’ll handle everything else. So stop worrying and stop apologizing. It’s not your fault.”

Her words made his breath literally catch in his throat. He often wondered how, but especially why. . .someone like Haley had come into his life. He didn’t think he deserved it most of the time. Especially in that moment. She was so loving. . .so understanding. . . .it amazed him. It touched him in a way he didn’t think possible. But a part of him also questioned it. . . .questioned whether he could live up to her belief in him. Whether he could live up to her love for him.

“I have to go, O.K.?” She sighed softly. “I need to call my father and sister and. . .warn them.”

“Haley, I’m-“

“Stop apologizing,” she chided him. “I’ll talk to you later, okay? I love you.”

He heard the line disconnect and snapped the cell phone shut. Abruptly, he hurled the phone angrily across the room where it slammed against the wall with a loud clatter.

“Dude!” Lucas protested. “That was my phone!”

He ignored his brother and strode out into the sitting room. Lucas followed him, but didn’t say anything. “Fuck,’ he muttered after long moments had passed.

“Did something happen with Haley?” Lucas asked, sounding concerned. “I thought she sounded fine on the phone. I mean a little shaken but she didn’t sound too bad.”

“That’s not the point!”

“Then what?” Lucas asked him calmly.

He expelled a loud breath and tried to get his raging emotions under control. But he wasn’t having much success. Frustrated, he sank down into the armchair. “It’s happening again, Luke.”

“What is?”

“Everything!” he cried. This. . .fear. . .had been nagging at him for a long time now. Ever since he had first considered making his comeback. He had never articulated it before. To anyone. But now. . .now that he was at least trying to. . .it made that fear. . .more real somehow.

“Everything,” he repeated. “Basketball. That life and everything that goes with it. The money and the fame and all the temptations. All the craziness. It’s all just. . .it’s happening all over again.”

“Nothing’s happening all over again. At least not from what I can tell.” Lucas looked at him a beat. “Unless you want to tell me something?”

He stood up abruptly. “It’s not that! It’s just. . . .God, Luke! Don’t you see it? I’m getting back into that life. . .where if you’re close to me, you end up getting hurt! I mean look at what just happened. Haley’s hurt ‘cause she’s with me. That’s it. That’s why her private life was invaded. I just. . .” He walked over to the window and stared out at the city view.

“Nathan,” Lucas said softly behind him. He didn’t turn around but angled his head to let his brother know that he was listening. “Look. . .what happened with this TV report. . .the pictures. . .it’s not your fault. There’s nothing we can do about it. Yes, it’s part of this life as you call it but it’s hardly your fault that Zack Mitchell decided to be a low life scumbag.”

“Look,” his brother continued. “I can see how you may think it’s the same thing happening all over again, but it’s different this time. But it’s not. I’m here. And so is Haley.” Lucas paused. “And you’re not the same person anymore.”

“Really?”

“You know, I don’t think you know how tough Haley is.” He turned and looked at Lucas then. His brother regarded him with an expression of calm resolve. “She can handle this. Trust me. I know she seems. . .delicate at times, but she’s really tough. Tough enough to kick your ass if you even think about pulling any of the same crap you did last time.” Lucas smiled slightly. “Which goes double for me.”

“Luke-“

“It’s not the same this time, Nate. It’s not. You’re not the same. You know what mistakes to avoid. And you have people in your life who would do anything to make sure you don’t take the same path.” Lucas held his gaze. “It’s not the same this time.”

He heard his brother’s words. And a part of him understood and knew that Lucas was right. Yet, there was a larger part of him that was desperately trying to convince himself to believe Lucas. And not quite succeeding.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN – Perspectives of Truth

He was with Tim.

At some party. Everyone seemed to be having a ball. Laughing, talking, dancing. But the noise. . .the noise was so loud. The booming music, the raucous laughter and the ceaseless chatter swirled around him and seemed to swell into one deafening cacophony right above his head. He winced, looking around, trying to see through the throngs of people, but couldn’t do it. It was like he was trapped.

Suddenly, Tim was gone.

He spun around, desperately trying to find him but all he could see were people. . .nothing but a sea of people. Laughing and dancing like they didn’t have a care in the world. He pushed his way through the crowd, calling out for Tim but his voice was easily drowned out by the noise. That head-splitting noise.

And just as suddenly, there was Tim. Just standing in a corner and staring at him.

Unexpectedly, he was in a car with Tim. They were racing along the road at a dizzying speed. The lights and street signs spun past him in a crazy swirl of colors. The noise from the party had been replaced by the roar of the wind. He looked over and Tim was talking. . .but he couldn’t hear anything except the wind. He laughed crazily as the car took one hairpin turn after another.

And then, there was a thunderous crash, followed by the sickening sound of metal scrapping against concrete. Then sirens and bright lights and voices that seemed to come at him from all directions. Voices that didn’t seem real. . .that seemed to float just above him. He tried to look around for Tim but couldn’t move. He saw the blackness coming at him and fought against it but it overpowered him. And then, there was nothing but silence.

When the darkness finally released him, he found himself in a hospital room. He struggled to move but something held him still. He tried to cry out, but no sounds came from him. He struggled harder, which seemed to make his restraints bind him even tighter.

Out of nowhere, Tim suddenly appeared. Standing at the foot of his hospital bed. . . .just staring at him with dead-looking eyes. He fought against his restraints once more. . .trying with all his might to reach out to Tim. He opened his mouth to call Tim’s name but the only thing that came out was a pitiful sounding sob.

Tim continued to stare at him with those lifeless eyes as he struggled helplessly in his hospital bed. And then, slowly, deliberately, Tim began to turn and walk away.

“Tim!”

“It’s your fault!”

Nathan awoke with a start. His breathing was labored and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He bolted upright, gasping for air, and his lungs contracted painfully in protest. He blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the darkened room and felt a wave of relief wash over him when he saw that he was in his bedroom and not some hospital room. He ran a shaky hand through his hair as he fought to regain control of his breathing.

Besides him, Haley began to stir awake. She reached out to him and when she found him sitting up in bed, she slowly sat up. “Nathan?” she asked, her voice still groggy from sleep. “What’s the matter?”

He let out a quiet, shuddering breath. “N-nothing.” Leaning over, he kissed her on the forehead gently before he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her back down on the bed with him. “Go back to sleep.”

She sighed softly and snuggled into his embrace. But a second later, she sat up abruptly. “What’s. . .your heart’s racing! What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he replied softly, reaching out and pulling her back against him. “It was. . .just a bad dream. Don’t worry.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Sorry I woke you.” He felt her hesitate against him for a second before she nestled her head into his shoulder. He stroked her hair and after a few minutes, her breathing began to grow steady and he felt her relax against him completely as sleep overtook her again. He held her against him, continuing to stroke her hair, as he stared at his bedroom ceiling. He knew he wasn’t going to go back to sleep tonight.

~*~

“Nathan!”

He glanced up at Lucas, who was looking at him irritably. “What?”

“What?” Lucas repeated incredulously. “You know contrary to popular belief, I don’t talk because I like the sound of my own voice. Have you heard a single thing I’ve said to you?”

He sighed, looking down at the floor. He knew he should have cancelled the meeting with Lucas today. He knew Lucas would have picked up on his preoccupation. Of course, canceling would have presented its own problems, since Lucas would have wanted to know why he was canceling. Either way, he would have had to come up with a good excuse. And he wasn’t in the mood for excuses today.

“What’s going on?” Lucas asked, dropping the notepad he had been holding onto the coffee table. “You worried about the camp evaluation? ‘Cause I told you. . .the coaches were impressed. You’re looking good to get a spot on the starting line-up.”

He didn’t respond, not caring at all about his basketball career just then. He knew he had done well at the camp. At least something ‘positive’ had come from that news report. All that anger had been channeled into his workouts. . .sometimes to the detriment of his scrimmage partners.

“Well?” Lucas demanded, his voice impatient. “Are you just going to sit there and stare at the floor or do you want to tell me what’s bugging you?” A beat. “Is it Haley?”

He shook his head. “It’s. . .forget it. I’m just. . .there are just things on my mind.”

“What things?” Lucas persisted.

“Forget it,” he repeated. He didn’t want to get into this with Lucas. Or anyone else for the matter. “I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Lucas studied him for a moment before he nodded. “O.K. So you want to get back into what we were talking about?”

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch’s cushion. He wasn’t in the mood for this. All he could think about was that dream. Even now he could still see it so clearly in his head.

“Nate?” Lucas asked softly. He could hear the concern in his brother’s voice. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed as he opened his eyes. Clearly he wasn’t going to be able to avoid this conversation with Lucas. “I had a dream. About Tim.”

“What did you dream about?” Lucas asked in a neutral voice.

Images from his dream played in his mind and he couldn’t help flinching. “It was. . .kind of jumbled but it was the night of the accident. That whole night with the party and then us in the car. The crash. And then I was in the hospital and. . .”

“And?”

He stared at Lucas’ notepad on the coffee table, hoping that by focusing on something else, he could get the picture of Tim out of his head. It didn’t work. “And, uh, I saw Tim.” He shook his head, hoping that action would dislodge the image from his mind but it seemed like the vision of Tim was now seared into his memory permanently. “God, Luke. He was standing there but he just looked. . .dead.” He rubbed his head tiredly. “He was just standing there. Accusing me.”

“What do you mean accusing you?”

“’It’s your fault!’” He repeated the horrifying words from his dream. “That’s what he said. ‘It’s your fault!’”

Lucas didn’t say anything for long moments, and when he spoke, his voice was quietly gentle. “It’s just a dream, man. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Doesn’t it?” He looked at his brother. “Aren’t dreams supposed to mirror your subconscious or something like that?”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Lucas said quietly. “It was an accident. Just a tragic accident.” He stared at the wall. He heard Lucas’ words. He just didn’t believe them. Lucas must have seen this, because he heard his brother sigh in frustration. “Nathan. I thought we had already settled this a long time ago.”

“You did,” he retorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

Lucas seemed to be considering something before he sighed softly. “Look, man, I know you’re upset about the accident. Still. It was a terrible thing. But you have to understand that you’re not to blame for it. Blaming yourself isn’t going help anyone. Least of all you.”

“Maybe that’s the point.”

“What?”

“Maybe it’s not supposed to help me. Maybe I don’t deserve to feel better.”

“What!” Lucas stared at him, completely baffled. “What the. . .where is this suddenly coming from?”

“Who says it’s sudden?” He looked at his brother challengingly.

He could see Lucas slowly piecing things together. “Nathan. What the hell? Are you telling me all this time you’ve-“ Lucas stopped abruptly as he struggled for control. “Look, I know that you’re upset. . .by the dream, and it’s natural that you feel some guilt-“

“Some guilt?”

Lucas ignored his outburst and continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “. . .and it’s understandable that you’d feel that way. But to take that guilt and to punish yourself is wrong, Nathan.” Lucas drew in a deep breath and shook his head. “I honestly thought you had resolved this years ago. I mean. . .in rehab. . .I know you talked to-“

“Those useless shrinks?” he mumbled in contempt. “Right. Yeah. All you have to do is tell them what they’re expecting to hear and they rubber stamp your ass out the door.”

Lucas stared at him for a long beat. “So what was all that? A charade?”

“That was me wanting to get the hell out of that place! Wanting to be left the hell alone!”

Frustration flashed across Lucas’ features. “I can’t believe this Nate! All this time?”

“What? I was only doing what you. . .what everyone wanted. Saying what you wanted to hear.”

“I wanted you to get through that,” Lucas retorted. “That’s it. Just to get through it. Honestly get through it. Which apparently you can’t do because facing the truth-“

“Oh, the truth?” he bit out, standing up to glare down at Lucas. “You want to talk truth? How about the truth of how you. ..and everyone else. . .banded together to smear Tim’s name after the fact?”

“What!” Lucas jumped to his feet. “Nobody did anything like that!”

“Oh yeah? Then what was all that crap in the press about Tim being a bad influence on me? That it was his circle of friends that corrupted poor, innocent me?”

Lucas fixed him with an icy gaze. “I had nothing to do with that. That’s called the press reporting on what they found.”

“Oh reporting? Like that bullshit about Haley last week? Which again, you didn’t do anything to stop.”

Lucas snatched up his notepad angrily. “You know what? This is pointless. I’m not going to do this with you.” Lucas turned and began to walk out but stopped suddenly, turning back to him. “No! Screw that! I’m not going to let this go on for any longer ‘cause it’s fucking ridiculous! What the hell are you doing?! Why are you doing this to yourself? Huh? Why?”

“For Tim,” he said quietly.

“What!”

“You asked me,” he retorted defiantly.

“Tim?!” Lucas cried, contempt clearly evident in his voice. “You’re doing this for Tim?!”

“Yes!” he shot back, his anger matching that of his brother’s. “Doesn’t anyone care that my carelessness cost him his life? Doesn’t anyone care about him at all?”

“Of course we care! You think we. . .that I. . . didn’t give a damn that he died. That you almost did?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“What are you saying then? ‘Cause that’s what I’m hearing. Like if I don’t feel guilty about the accident. . .about Tim’s death. . .24/7 or tear myself up inside about it that I didn’t give a damn. Well that’s bullshit! I cared.” Lucas paused and drew in a deep breath. When he spoke again, his voice was calmer, as if he were trying to control his anger. “Just like you don’t need to do those things to show that you cared. I know you did. I know you do. You can care about Tim. . .you can still mourn him. . .without this, Nate. You can remember him and love him without saddling yourself with this kind of insane guilt.”

“I am trying to take responsibility! For once! Isn’t that what everyone wanted me to do? Grow up and take responsibility? Why can’t you understand that?”

“God damn it, Nathan!” Lucas finally lost whatever hold he had on his temper. “This is stupid! Stupid and crazy! You want to take responsibility? Fine! Take your share of it! But leave the rest where it belongs! With Tim! He was no fucking saint alright? He could have killed you that night! Have you ever thought of that?”

He drew in a quick breath, feeling like Lucas had just physically struck him. He wasn’t even angry anymore. More than anything he felt weary. “Look, I know you never liked Tim. But that’s your opinion. I should feel guilty about that accident. And I don’t care what you or anyone else thinks about that.” Without looking at his brother, he strode past him and out of the room.

~*~

Haley looked down at her half-eaten dinner, grilled salmon with wild rice pilaf, which had been ordered from a nearby restaurant, and pushed her plate away. For the umpteenth time that night, she glanced across the table at Nathan. And again, she was met with the same sight. Nathan absently eating his dinner while staring at some spot in the middle of the table. She followed the path of his gaze and found nothing particularly fascinating about what he was staring at, but something there had to be of interest. He had been staring at it for the entire meal almost.

She frowned. She had found him in this mood since she had returned from her clinical hours earlier. He had offered her a quiet greeting but then had retreated to his gym, ostensibly to work out but he didn’t look like he had put in much of a workout from what she could see. During dinner, it was nothing but brooding silence from his end. She had hoped that once he had resolved whatever it was that was upsetting him, he would confide in her. That’s how things usually worked between them. She knew that Nathan tended to need some ‘processing time’ on things. So she hadn’t pushed him. She had given him his distance and had eaten dinner in silence as well. But now, she was starting to worry. Whatever it was that was bothering him. . . .it seemed serious. She had never seen him like this before.

She cleared her throat, which made him look up at her. She smiled slightly. “So, um. . .how’d the meeting with Luke go today?”

Anger flared in the blueness of his eyes but he was calm when he replied. “Not too well. We, uh. . .had a fight.”

“Serious?”

“No fisticuffs so. . . .” He shrugged. “We just need some time to cool down.”

“You sure? It’s not-“

“Can we not talk about it?”

She sighed. At least she now knew what the source of his dark mood was. That was enough. . .for now. “O.K.” She got up and took her plate over to the sink, where she began to clean up. She had rinsed a few dishes when she felt his strong arms come around her waist, pulling her against the solidness of his chest. He held her for long moments before he bent his head down, so that his cheek was resting against her temple.

“I’m sorry, Hales,” he whispered against her ear. “I’ve been a temperamental ass.” He sighed. “It’s just. . .it’s been a rough day.”

“I understand.” She turned her head so that she could look at him. “You want me to beat up Lucas for you?”

He smiled. . .the first one that she had seen all day. “Maybe later.”

She turned so that she could wrap her arms around him and look up fully into his eyes. She was surprised to see that. . .lingering melancholy. . .in them. She had first seen it when he had returned from rookie camp earlier this week. At first she had just chalked it up to stress. . .their public ‘introduction’ had bought an initial firestorm of press inquiries which had since died down.

The first few days, there had been curious stares directed her way on the UNC-Charlotte campus but that had also faded in time. Some of her co-workers had asked a few questions but for the most part, her life hadn’t been affected dramatically. She guessed that Nathan and Lucas had lit a few fires under a few people because the calls had stopped and the few photographers that she had seen nosing around the house had also disappeared. All in all, it had been uncomfortable, but nothing that she hadn’t been able deal with.

Nathan, on the other hand, seemed to have taken it a lot harder than she had. He had continued to apologize every time they had spoken on the phone and had apologized even more when he had returned from camp. She finally had to resort to threats to get him to stop. Any mention of the press or even his comeback had been a touchy subject with him since then. So she had chalked up that. . . unhappiness that she had seen lurking in the depths of his blue eyes to stress and lingering annoyance at the news report.

But now she wasn’t so sure. The sadness she saw in his eyes seemed like it was from something deeper. . .more serious. Besides, Nathan wasn’t easily bothered by annoyances. At least not to this extent. Given the ‘bad dream’ he had last night, as well as this recent fight with Lucas and she was beginning to worry. What was worse was that she didn’t know how to help him with this. Nathan was never the kind of person to seek out others. . .less so when he was upset. . .but she had never seen him withdraw like this before. Especially with her.

She reached up and caressed his cheek tenderly. She was relieved to see him begin to relax under her touch after a few seconds. At least that hasn’t changed, she thought. “You know you can talk to me about anything right?”

“I know.”

She pushed the doubt she heard in his voice away. She reached up and pressed a kiss against his lips. For several seconds, neither did anything. . .just content to hold each other, with their lips pressed gently together. Each seemed to be seeking comfort in the other’s presence. And then Nathan angled his head, capturing her lips fully as he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. She let him slide his tongue into her mouth and stroked it with her own. She felt the passion between them building and pressed closer, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck.

Nathan gripped her waist and lifted her easily up against him. She used his motion to boost herself up even further. . .until she was able to wrap her legs around his waist. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, pulling him further into her embrace. . . .further into their escalating passion. As she felt him begin to relax more and more, even as a different kind of tension begin to build within his body, she couldn’t help hoping that this was enough for him to forget. Enough to erase the sadness that seemed to settle inside of him more and more each day.

~*~

“Hales?”

She smiled at Lucas as he stepped aside to let her in. “Hey. Sorry to just drop in like this but. . .are you busy?”

Lucas looked at her confused for a beat before he smiled. “Never too busy for you.” He led her into his living room. “What’s up?”

“What happened with you and Nathan the other day?” she asked without preamble.

Lucas looked at her surprised. “What. . .you mean our argument?” She nodded. “That was just. . .it’s cool, Hales. We’re cool.”

“Really?” she asked doubtfully, as she took a seat on the sofa.

Lucas narrowed his eyes at her questioningly. “Isn’t it?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I’m worried about him, Luke.”

Lucas stared at her for a long beat before he walked over and sat down next to her. “He’s just. . .it’s complicated. It’s about the accident.”

“The accident?”

“I know he told you about it, right?” She nodded. “So you know who Tim Smith is?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “They were teammates at UCLA and he died in the accident.”

Lucas looked at her curiously. “What did Nathan tell you about Tim?”

She shrugged. “Not much, really. Um. . .just that you know they played together in college. And I guess after Nathan turned pro, they still hung out. I got the sense that they were close.”

“That’s it?”

“It’s not really his favorite topic of conversation.”

“Did Nathan tell you he had a. . .dream about Tim a couple of days ago?”

“Was that it?” She sighed softly as understanding came to her. “He only said that it was a bad dream. He didn’t tell me what it was.” She shook her head. “Is that what’s been bothering him?”

“Partly,” Lucas said softly. “Like I said, Hales, it’s complicated. The bottom line is that Nathan feels really guilty about Tim’s death. To the point where the guilt’s starting to affect him. . .and the things and people around him.”

Her heart ached at Lucas’ words. She was beginning to understand where that sadness in his eyes came from. “God. That’s. . .I mean I can understand why he feels guilty. But still, even though he drove, it’s was an-“

“What!” Lucas exclaimed.

“What?” She looked at Lucas in confusion.

“What did you just say?”

“I said I could understand why he’d-“

Lucas shook his head to cut her off. “No, no. Go to the part about him driving.”

Her confusion was growing exponentially at this point. She suddenly felt as if she and Lucas were no longer talking about the same thing. “I. . .don’t know anymore. I mean. . .that’s what Nathan said.”

“He told you he was driving that night?” Lucas asked her slowly. She nodded. “Shit!”

“Luke. . .what. . .”

Lucas stood up agitatedly. “I can’t believe this! I mean I thought. . .”

“Lucas!”

“Sorry. . .I. . .Hales. . .I don’t know what Nathan told you about that night. . .about his accident. But he was not driving. Tim was.”

“What!”

Lucas nodded. “I should have known. Especially after. . .I should have known he didn’t tell you-”

“Luke, what are you talking about? Nathan wasn’t driving? So the accident. . .”

Lucas sighed and sat back down next to her. “Tim was driving and he was. . .drugged out of his mind. . .on top of being drunk. They took this. . .turn. . .and the investigators said that based on the skid marks and everything, they must have been going at least 70 miles an hour. The car slammed into a concrete barrier and. . . .” He stopped and shook his head. “It was pure dumb luck that Nathan somehow survived it. I mean I saw pictures of the wreckage. . .that car looked like it was made out of aluminum foil and some giant had just reached down and crumpled it inside of his hand.” He looked at her. “Tim was thrown from the car on impact and killed instantly. Nathan, even though he survived, was in pretty bad shape. Thank God he pulled through.”

She could only stare at Lucas as her mind tried to process what he was saying. It was like he was telling her some completely different story. “Luke, I. . .I don’t get this. Are you saying Nathan doesn’t know what happened?”

“No,” said Lucas, sounding tired. “He knows. He just. . . .I guess he won’t. . .or can’t accept it.”

“So. . .what? He’s lying to himself? To everyone else?”

“Not lying,” Lucas replied. “He’s just. . .he’s looking at it from a different perspective. Have you ever heard of that. . .hypothetical? About how if you get 4 people on 4 corners of an intersection and have them witness an accident, you could get 4 different versions of what happened?” She nodded. “That’s what’s going on here. My view of the accident is probably gonna be different from say. . .the officer on the scene. Or Nathan’s view for that matter. That’s not to say that my view is wrong. . . .and neither is Nathan’s. It’s just. . .differing perspectives of what’s real. . .what’s true.”

“But something like who was driving,” she argued, still trying to process this. “Isn’t that pretty much an indisputable fact?”

“We all have different ways of looking at facts,” Lucas said softly. “And it’s become clear to me that where the accident is concerned. . . .where Tim’s death is concerned. . . .Nathan’s way of looking at it is to take the version that puts the most. . .really all the blame on himself.”

“I-I. . .don’t understand this, Luke. I mean. . . .why? Why would he do that?”

Lucas sighed heavily. “I don’t know, Hales. Like I said. . .the guilt. . .which I understand too but it’s so. . .” Lucas cast her a sideways glance. “What did he tell you about what happened during that time?”

“Um. . .not a lot really. I mean enough so that I got the sense that it wasn’t. . .pretty.”

Lucas chuckled mirthlessly. “Yeah. It definitely wasn’t pretty. It was. . .messy. . .chaotic. . .just insanity. He had an entourage. Literally. That just took on a life of its own. At the height of it all. . .I think he had something like 20 people around him at all times. Just freeloading hanger-ons. And they didn’t give a damn about Nathan. They just told him what he wanted to hear. . .or what would keep them in that lifestyle. No one was looking out for him. I mean you see how he is now?” She nodded. Nathan had friends she knew but no one that he was particularly close to. “Imagine the worse, complete opposite of that. I mean I basically handle most of his professional stuff now and while it’s hard at times juggling everything, one person can handle it all. But back then? Back then he had publicists, secretaries, assistants, assistants’ assistants. . .it was just ridiculous. I remember visiting him once and he was in a room with like 10 other people and every single one of them worked for him. I remember thinking, what the hell does he do that requires that many people to work for him. Even my mom didn’t have that many people working for her when she had just two stores!”

Lucas shook his head. “No wonder he got messed up. Do you know how much money he blew through? I mean it was. . .” Lucas looked over at her. “Nathan wouldn’t even have to consider going back to basketball. . . .or even working another day in his life ever again after the accident if he hadn’t gone through his money like he did. Or should I say if all those people hanging on to him hadn’t gone through his money. They were like some deranged Greek chorus. . .egging him on in his self-destruction.”

“And you know who the worst offender was?” Lucas continued. “Tim.” He looked at her somberly. “Did Nathan make it seem like Tim was this. . .great guy who was like some innocent bystander who got swept up in the madness?”

“A little,” she said softly.

Lucas nodded. “Right. Look, Hales, I’ll be the first to admit it. There was no love lost between Tim and myself. I didn’t like the guy. . .pure and simple. And the reason for that was because I saw what a destructive influence he was on Nathan. I mean. . .yeah, I’m sure he was a great guy at one point, but when I met him. . .he was nothing more than Nathan’s drinking buddy. . .and the guy who introduced Nathan to drugs.” Lucas shook his head. “I’m not saying Tim’s all to blame for it. Nathan knew what he was doing when he started. . .experimenting. But I am saying that Tim made things a little. . .easier. He was the one who introduced Nathan to Zack Mitchell.” She looked at Lucas in recognition. “Yeah, him. Apparently he and Tim’s older brother had this informal drug business going on for a couple of years and that’s how Nathan got drawn into that whole mess. So no. . .Tim wasn’t some innocent who just got sucked into Nathan’s mess. Quite the opposite.”

The more she listened to Lucas, the more she grew confused. “This is. . .it’s just-“

“Weird?” Lucas supplied. “Like you’re hearing it for the first time?”

“Yes.”

Lucas sighed. “Yeah. See. . .after the accident, Nathan was guilt-ridden and he just wouldn’t accept that Tim-“ Lucas stopped abruptly before he swore softly.

“What?”

“God, I’m so stupid!” Lucas blew out. He got up and began to pace. “I should have known. I mean after-“

“Luke!”

Lucas looked at her apologetically. “Last week, when Nathan and I were at the rookie camp? After that report came out about you guys? He was ballistic and going off, which I’m sure you already know. Anyway, he said something that I didn’t really take seriously but now I realize I should have seen it.”

“Seen what?”

“He’s worried about messing things up again,” Lucas said slowly. “And after our argument, I should have seen it.” Lucas looked at her gravely. “After his accident, he went into rehab, which included sessions with therapists. I thought. . .we all thought. . .that he had resolved the issues he had with the accident then since he completed his rehab successfully. But during our argument, he told me that he was just faking it. I don’t know if he really was faking or not, but it’s clear that he still has some unresolved issues about the accident.”

Lucas sighed. “God. . I just thought. . .I thought it was the stress of the camp. And then with the news report. . .I just thought he was blowing off steam or whatever.”

She looked down at the floor, not knowing what to say. This was not at all what she had expected to come from her conversation with Lucas today. She had thought that Nathan’s behavior of late could be attributed to the some unmended rift with his brother and she had hoped, at best, to somehow broker a truce of sorts between them. But she could see now that the issues were graver than she had thought. What’s more, she didn’t even know how to begin to help Nathan now.

“What am I supposed to do, Luke?”

Lucas didn’t answer her right away, continuing to pace. A minute later, he sighed heavily and sat down next to her again. “I don’t know, Hales. I don’t think there’s anything to do.”

“What!” she cried. “Luke, that’s. . . .of course there’s something I. . .that we. . .can do to help Nathan.”

“Haley,” Lucas’ voice was placating. “I’m not saying to just. . .cut him off or anything but. . . .” He stopped and shook his head and she didn’t think she’d ever seen Lucas look that helpless before. Lucas always had something to say. . .even when he was completely and unequivocally wrong, he still always had advice or an opinion to offer. So to see him like this now was more than a little disconcerting. “Look, Nathan isn’t going to budge on this and. . .even though he wasn’t driving. . .in a way. . .he is responsible for everything that happened then. And we both agree that his guilt is understandable right?” She nodded. “So. . .what can we do? We can’t force him to not feel guilty.”

“I know that but-“

“Besides, even if he was faking his recovery back then. . .he managed to pull through to come this far right? I. . . .” Lucas sighed. “He just needs time. He’s probably just freaked about the report and his comeback kicking into high gear. Once things settle down again. . .he’ll be O.K. He’ll pull through it like he did before.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

Lucas stared at her silently as they each contemplated the answer to her question. She could tell that neither of them liked what they had come up with.

Chapters 15 - 16

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