When Push Comes to Shove

By Brynne

Part 1

“You’re going out with the guys again?” I ask incredulously, “Nathan, you’ve gone out with ‘the guys’ every night for the last week and a half. I feel like I haven’t seen you at all lately.”

He rolls his eyes before leering suggestively at me. “You saw all of me last night,” he points out, taking a step towards me, causing me to blush, even after all this time.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” I complain, brushing him off, “This is ridiculous. We live together, and I still never see you. How does that happen?”

“We see each other plenty, Hay,” he argues, “You hung out with us, what was it, on Tuesday, and then I had lunch with you just yesterday. What’s the big deal?”

What’s the big deal indeed, I want to shout, glaring at his back as he heads for the shower. “What an ass,” I mutter to myself, “He thinks he’s so damn great that I’ll just roll over and put up with this.”

Pissed off to the point I don’t want to see or talk to him, I rush around, grabbing my bag and putting all the necessary books in it so that I don’t have to come home until all my classes are over and I know he’ll be at practice. Bitchy, yeah, but screw him and his partying and ignoring me to hang out with the guys. As Brooke would say, a girl should only put up with so much shit.

I swear, everything was fine up until two weeks ago. At that point, I had no major complaints about my boyfriend of three years. Yeah, he leaves wet towels lying around and he thinks it is funny to distract me with sex when I’m trying to study, but I can live with the first and kind of love the second. And he’s never been so aloof, and he hasn’t spent this much time partying since our freshman year, before we started dating.

I’ve known Nathan forever. We grew up together. He, Lucas, and I were inseparable until I discovered I was a girl somewhere around the age of fourteen and started hanging out with Brooke and Peyton. I was still friends with both of them, but after that, it wasn’t quite the same. Then, when I was sixteen, I realized that I had a crush on the unattainable Nathan Scott, with whom I was decidedly stuck in friends mode with.

~*~

By the time Peyton and Brooke had, in their words, respectively ‘prettified’ and ‘sexified’ me, and we got to the party, things were in full swing and then some. Jake was flirting with some blonde in the corner, and Peyton rolled her eyes at me when we both noticed Brooke getting her back up about that.

“You guys broke up four months ago,” Peyton reminds her. Brooke turns and practically hisses at her.

“Peyton, that doesn’t give him the right to come out and be a complete ho, does it?” she grumbles, even though she had her own period of sluttiness after the breakup. Actually, she’s still going through her period of mourning sluttiness.

“Whatever,” Peyton sighs, perking up when she sees Luke across the room, “If you’ll excuse me, ladies, I see a gorgeous boyfriend who looks like he could use some company.”

“And I’m going to find us drinks, Tutor Girly,” Brooke informs me, “And maybe a couple of hot guys, too.”

Well, we’re here for three minutes, and I’ve already been effectively ditched, which sucks since they really are the only reasons that I’m here. I could’ve survived the weekend without being witness to the destruction of the Scott family beach house. And yet, here I am, standing around like an idiot, trying to figure out a way to sit without the entirety of my legs showing.

“Having trouble?” Nathan breathes in my ear, his hand coming around to keep me upright when I jump in surprise. I’m not sure if the surprise stems more his sudden appearance or from the feel of his hand on my bared stomach.

“No,” I manage to squeak out, acutely aware that he seems to be in no hurry to remove his hand. Trying to sound nonchalant, “So, who’s the flavor of the week?”

He leans over my shoulder to look at me. It is an intense look, but then everything about Nathan is intense, so I can brush it off. “Haven’t decided yet,” he shrugs, finally removing his hand and taking a step back. I turn around, raising an eyebrow at him. He shrugs again, but this time laughs. “Maybe the whole fuck and run thing is getting old for me,” he suggests.

I roll my eyes, doubting that this will ever be the case. “Whatever, Nathan, it’s been working well for you so far, right?”

“What’s your problem tonight?” he asks, stopping me short.

“What?” I ask, confused.

“Why are you being so snotty? I come over to say hi to you, and you, not in so many words, but still, accuse me of basically being some kind of male slut. And yet you’re the one standing there in a shirt that rides up under your boobs every time you move and a skirt so short that you’d better not even think of bending over in.”

I gape at him, partly in shock that he’d say that to me and partly in shock when I realize it is true. I was being a bitch to him, inexplicably so. Why would I act like it bothered me that he does what he always does? There is no reason why it should, unless – oh, no. No way. Nooo. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Oh, my God, I do.

I like Nathan. I like Nathan Scott. That’s why my breath catches every time he’s near, that’s why my skin tingles in awareness when he’s close to me. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit. This is a bad thing, this is a very, very bad thing. I can’t be wanting Nathan, I can’t. That’s so bad, so potentially bad. Shit, shit, shit.

He’s looking at me warily. “What?” he asks, sounding defensive, “What are you thinking, your mind is obviously going a million miles a minute?”

“N-nothing,” I stammer out, taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for and rude. And you’re completely right, I am dressed like a slut, I have no right to cast stones. Excuse me.”

“Not so fast,” he says, grabbing me and pulling me so I am flush against him, his front to my back. “You aren’t dressed like a slut, Hales, I’m sorry I implied that.” He wraps his arms tight around me, and I stop struggling to pull away, but also stop breathing. It isn’t a good trade-off.

“Please, Nathan, you said it yourself – if I bend over, I’ll be totally flashing everyone. And this shirt? So tight that if someone looked, they could see – well, you know,” I mutter, shivering when his hot breath his my neck.

“It’s okay to be sexy. I like sexy Haley. I don’t know if it’s okay for other guys to like sexy Haley, but its okay for me to appreciate it a little.”

Nathan has always been the biggest flirt I know, and I’ve never blinked in the past when he uses his charm on me. Why is this so different now, so suddenly? Damn hormones, it has to be hormones. Nothing else has changed. Nothing has changed, except now when his fingers trace little circles on my bare skin I want to turn around and jump him. Oh, sooo bad, so very bad.

“Trust me, Hales,” he murmurs in my ear, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin, “Every guy in here wants you right now. Too bad I’ll kick their asses if they come near you.”

I wrench away from him, rolling my eyes at his surprised look. “Oh, knock it off, Nathan. Besides, it isn’t like they’d even try and come near me, right?”

“Are you kidding? Tim was already talking about how – in his words – fuckable you are.”

“Wow, that’s promising,” I mutter, knowing that one, Tim is deathly afraid of Nathan, and two, he’s an idiot that I wouldn’t want interested in me anyway.

“Well, he was just an example. There are better ones, too.”

“It doesn’t matter, anyway,” I shrug dismissively, “I mean, it isn’t like I’d go off to find a bedroom with any of them or anything.”

He grins widely at me. “Glad to hear that. You can save yourself for me,” he winks.

I roll my eyes at him. “How tempting, but not likely.”

“You wound me, Hales, you really wound me.”

Brooke comes bounding back over to me, drinks in hand. “Here, these are for you,” she grins, passing them both to me. One is pushing things, two is definitely out of the question for me usually, but with Nathan so near, and everyone else hooking up or at least having that potential, two doesn’t seem like such a bad idea right now. I can see the confusion on Nathan’s face when I take both from her, thanking her.

“Wow, you normally would tell me to go to hell,” Brooke points out, laughing, “What changed you tonight?”

“Maybe it’s the hoochie outfit,” I offer with a shrug, slamming the first drink down, “Maybe I just want to have fun, too.”

“Excellent,” she smiles, “Then you can come with me and ditch Mr. Serious here. We were going to play I Never in the kitchen soon.”

“Sure,” I agree as the fiery liquid warms me from the inside out. Nathan rolls his eyes at me and stalks off, probably pissed that I’d do something so unlike me, and –gasp- have fun. Jerk.

“What? Did you call me a jerk?” Brooke asks, confused.

“I – no,” I quickly assure her, surprised I said it out loud, “Not you.”

“Ah, the delectable Mr. Scott then,” she grins, her deductive reasoning powers just mind-blowing. “What’d he do?”

“Nothing, he did nothing at all,” I sigh, which is the truth. Nothing except come over and get me all hot and bothered and take exception to the fact that I might show an interest in the male species and vice versa.

“Well, you didn’t call him a jerk for no reason, right?” I shrug. “Oh, come on, Tutor Girl! You can tell me. God knows I won’t go running off to him to tell him anything.”

“Honest, Brooke, it’s not him. It’s me.”

“Well, that doesn’t make any – “ she starts before cutting herself off, looking at me in shock, “Oh, my God, you like him!”

She says it loud enough that there are about fifty pairs of eyes are immediately on us, and she grabs me by the arm and drags me outside, barely giving me time to grab my second drink.

“Brooke, stop manhandling me!”

“What the hell, Tutor Girl! Tell me you are not into Nathan,” she says sympathetically, “You know that can’t turn out well, right?”

“Brooke,” I sigh, “Look, just forget it, okay? I know exactly where things stand between Nathan and me, and I’m not going to do anything stupid.”

“Oh, honey, how long have you liked him?”

I shrug. “I dunno, but I just realized it when he was talking to me in there,” I mutter, jerking my thumb towards the house, “I feel so dumb. Why would I like Nathan?”

She starts cracking up, not stopping until I smack her on the arm. “I’m sorry,” she gasps out, “You just sound so confused as to why anyone would like him! Hilarious!”

I slam back the drink I’m holding in my hand. “I think I’m going to need more than this,” I say plainly, Brooke again cracking up. “How much have you had to drink?” I ask her, “You’re finding humor in situations that don’t really have any.”

She puts her arm around my shoulder. “Come on, you have to admit it is a little funny. You’re lusting after Nathan, kiddo. I mean, Nathan. One of your best friends?”

“I know who he is,” I sigh, “And I know that it will never happen. Isn’t that enough for us to drop this subject and never speak of it again?”

“No way, we have to tell Peyt!” she exclaims, “Oh, she is going to die. And then she’ll point out all the reasons why Nathan is a horrible, horrible person to date/fuck.”

“I don’t want to date/fuck him.” She gives me a look. “What? I don’t. I mean, yeah, he’s hot and lust-worthy, but just because he’s attractive doesn’t mean I have to want anything more than the ability to admire him.”

“Okay,” she says, reluctantly letting it drop, “But when I’m sober, we are so discussing the shit out of this with Peyton!”

“Fine,” I concede, “As long as you don’t say anything else about this tonight or to anyone who isn’t Peyton!”

“Fair enough!” she grins, “Now, come on, let’s go join that game. And maybe we can find some cuties to take your mind off of Nathan.”

Jesus.

This is going to be a long night.

I follow Brooke back inside, not protesting when she hands me a shot and another drink. I notice Nathan smirking at me as I toss the shot back like I do it every Friday night, even though it is rare that I would. I glare at him, willing him to keep his damn eyes to himself. Why I’m mad at him when I’m the one who likes him is beyond me, but I am. It is his fault for being so, him, I guess.

Peyton, Jake, and Luke are sitting around the table when we get in there, and they greet us warmly. Tim is also there, and he winks at me and I’m tempted to flirt back, even though I know it will just land both of us in hot water with Nathan. Maybe that’s what I want, though. But I don’t, suppressing the urge to be catty, and just offer the same low key smile to everyone at the table.

“Sit with me,” Tim suggests, patting his lap. I roll my eyes at him, and plop down on Brooke’s lap instead. Tim laughs. “That’s even better!” he enthuses.

Brooke smacks him on the back of the head. “Perv,” she mutters, glaring at him and then Jake for good measure.

“I’ll start!” Peyton jumps in, probably averting Brooke from starting a fight with one of them when they both glare back at her. “I’ve never had sex.”

Nathan walks in then, and I’m tempted to drink just to wipe that stupid, smug smirk off his face. How dare he assume things about me? When I have sex, it isn’t like he’ll be the first one to know or something. But I decide to play it mature, and not drink to spite him.

“Aw, Tutor Girl,” Brooke laughs, “We’ll have to fix that.”

Tim, who is way too close for comfort in the chair next to ours, puts his hand on my thigh. “I’ll help you out with that.”

“God, Smith, you are such a perv,” Brooke growls at him, “Besides, if Haley is going to lose it to anyone in this room, it will be me!”

I can feel my face turning bright red. “And I guess this is the part where I find a new lap to sit on,” I try and joke back, “I don’t want to give you false hope, Brookie!”

“There are no other laps,” she grins, “Guess you’re stuck with me!”

“Well, if my dry spell in terms of boyfriends continues, at least I know I’ll have a fallback plan,” I laugh when she plants a big, sloppy, wet kiss on my cheek. All of the guys, including Jake but excluding Nathan, hoot and holler at this display while I blush profusely.

“Stop molesting Haley!” Peyton demands, although she’s laughing as hard as everyone else, “Leave our innocent little flower alone!”

Somehow, that comment is actually more embarrassing than being pawed by Brooke, which everyone at least knows is a joke. “I’m going to go get another drink,” I say, standing up.

“Oh, Hales,” Peyton sighs, “Don’t go, I was teasing.”

“Yeah, I know, just need another drink,” I assure her, waving the empty cup. Brooke pats me on the butt as I move away from her.

Instead of heading for the dining room, where the booze is being held, I slip out the back door and walk out onto the beach. It is early September now, but the weather is still warm, even though it is late at night. I hear footsteps behind me, and I know without looking that it is Nathan. No one else would come after me unless they could tell I was upset.

“There’s nothing wrong with being the innocent one,” he tells me, lowering himself down to the sand, “And they were just teasing anyway.”

“I know they were teasing.”

“And?”

“And what?” I ask, confused.

“And you know that it’s okay to be the innocent one,” he prompts.

“Maybe it isn’t,” I shrug, “Maybe I’m missing out on something great, and maybe it’s stupid that I haven’t done it yet. What’s the big deal, right? At least I’d know what everyone was talking about.”

“You know what I think?”

“What?” I ask, sitting down beside him and leaning my head on his shoulder. The proximity will probably do no favors in terms of cooling my newly realized lust for him, but he’s my friend, and I just want some comfort from my friend.

“I’m thinking that maybe it’s better to wait.” I lift my head, glancing at him in surprise. “I’m serious, sometimes I wish I’d waited.”

I snort, disbelieving. “Bull. Shit.”

“Well, fine, but sometimes I wish it had been with someone I cared about,” he clarifies, “That’s important, you know?”

“So, you’d say that going after Tim would be a bad thing, but going after, I don’t know, Jake would be okay, because I care about him?” I tease.

“Jake? That’d be worse than Tim!”

I laugh at this. “Nathan! By your own logic, it would be better!”

“Jake dated your best friend, who may or may not still love him. And who he may or may not still love. So it would be worse,” he reasons.

I roll my eyes at him, poking him in the side. “I wasn’t saying I wanted Jake, I was just making a comparison. Because who else could I have said? It’s not like I have many single guy friends,” I shrug.

“Uh, hello, me,” he says in a wounded voice, “You could’ve used me as your example. And by the way, yes, I would be a better choice than Tim.”

“Aw, if I ever decide I have to need to randomly lose my virginity to a friend who cares about me, you’ll be close to the top of the list,” I manage to tease through clenched teeth.

He wraps his arms around me. “Thanks, you’re at the top of my friends I’d be willing to help deflower, if push ever came to shove.”

“I don’t know whether to throw you in the ocean or hug,” I remark, not protesting when he pulls me onto his lap.

“Do neither,” he suggests, “Let me hold you.”

And so I do, even though it seems dangerous and stupid to feed my need for him this way. I can’t help myself. When he starts caressing my arms, skating dangerously close to my breasts, I know I should pull away and stop this game, whatever it is. But I don’t understand it, and I don’t know where its going, and so I let it continue. Perhaps I even encourage it when I snuggle back against him, trying to get warm.

Right now, it doesn’t feel like I’ve known him forever. It feels new and exciting to sit against him in a way that I have before more times than I can count. He’s dangerous now, though, that I’ve realized or admitted the attraction I have for him. So, I pull away, turning so that I face him, my knees hugged to my chest, still in between his legs, just not against him.

“I should go in. I promised to let Brooke help me find a ‘suitable’ homecoming date.” When he frowns, I shrug. “It probably won’t work out, but I told her I’d let her try, at least.”

“No one is suitable for you,” he says after regarding me silently for too long, “You’re too special for any guy I know.”

“Then it is a good thing you don’t get to pick my date,” I grin, jumping up and running inside, the alcohol in my system keeping me playful. I hear his laughter echo behind me, but it doesn’t sound happy or funny. It just sounds hollow.

~*~

That should’ve been all there was to it, and for awhile, it was. I tried to avoid Nathan for awhile after my big revelation, but it was impossible. He wasn’t having any of that, in fact insinuating himself further into my life, tapping me as his tutor.

Glancing around, I end up satisfied that everything I need to avoid him for the majority of the day is in my bag. “Ooh, cell phone!” I exclaim, running over and grabbing it off the charger, “Can’t forget you, old friend.”

“Are you talking to yourself?” he yells from the shower, “Because if you’re that bored, you can come in here and get un-bored.” How his ears are that good, I’ll never know.

“Jerk yourself off, Nathan!” I yell back at him, getting more irritated when he laughs.

“I’ll be thinking of you!” he promises.

“Creep,” I mutter, making sure to keep my voice low enough that he doesn’t hear me this time. God, he can be such a jerk when he puts his mind to it.

I race out the door, slamming it as loud as I can. I swear, I am going to kick his ass when he gets home from practice tonight. It doesn’t matter what he does or says this time, I’m not – I repeat, not – letting him get out of here without forcing him to hear me out. We aren’t in high school anymore, and I’ve loved him too long and too hard to play those childish games with him again.

~*~

“No way!” Peyton protests, and I nod vigorously beside her, “There is no fucking way in hell I am getting up there. Just no way.”

“Peyt, we can go tandem, it’ll be great!” Luke enthuses, trying to convince her, “Come on, baby, I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Oh, gross,” Nathan mutters, “Keep that shit to yourself, man.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Well, I’m not going up there, either,” I assert, nauseous just looking at how high up it is.

“Aw, come on, Hales,” Nathan says, gathering me in his arms, “I’d be right there with you, protecting you all the way.”

“No,” I repeat, “I hate heights. You know that I hate heights, and there is no way in hell that I want to jump from a very great distance supported only by a rubber band.”

“But I’ll protect you,” he assures me, which somehow leaves me completely cold. “Come on, please, pretty please,” he murmurs, his lips against my ear.

“Nathan,” I manage to get out rather breathlessly, “I hate heights. Hate them.”

“I know, babe, but I’ll be there the whole time. You know I wouldn’t let you do anything dangerous. Hell, I might not let you go out on anymore dates!”

I elbow him, hard, in the stomach. “Like you have any say in that?” I grind out snottily. I don’t care how nasty I am right now about his involvement in my dating life, since he messed it up so badly for me last time.

“Hey, I said I was sorry about the homecoming thing!” he protests, to which I start to walk away from, “Come on, Hales, I was just trying to protect me.”

I whirl back around to face him. “Nathan, you caused my date to ditch me! At the dance! In the middle of the dance floor! I’m not just going to ‘come on, Hales’! God, you’re stupid sometimes.”

“He was a jerk, Haley. And on the football team,” he has the audacity to utter in a horrified tone. Peyton and Luke are so clearly uncomfortable with this that I think Peyton is considering doing the jump now.

“Oh, and football players aren’t human, too? You’re ridiculous!”

“Uh, guys? We’re going to get in line now,” Luke interrupts, pointedly adding, “Peyton would rather face one of her greatest fears than stand around with you two acting like asshats.”

I stare after them, feeling like a complete heel while Nathan stares openmouthed after them, truly shocked. Is he shocked that Luke snapped? Eh, maybe. Is he shocked that people would find offense in something he did? Probably. I fight the urge to roll my eyes at him again. I swear, one of these days he’s going to cause them to roll right out of my head.

“Were we really that bad?” he asks, surprised.

“Well, yeah, we were screaming. And speaking in incomplete sentences,” I joke, “Some people just don’t take that well, I guess.”

“Luke always was a bookish dork,” he agrees, smiling. “I’m sorry, you know.”

“For yelling?” I glance at him, furrowing my brow.

“No. Well, I mean, yeah, of course, but also for messing up your homecoming date. It’s just, I know more about Bryant than you do, and he’s not the nice guy you thought he was. I didn’t want you to get hurt,” he explains.

I sigh in exasperation. “So, why don’t you, like, I don’t know, just tell me these things instead of being a dick about them?”

“It’s easier,” he shrugs.

“Nathan, come on, that’s not fair. I never complain about the bubble-headed bleach blondes that you bring around, and I never go out of my way to screw things up for you. Why would do it to me? Why do I have to be the only one of our friends who doesn’t date?”

“Here’s the thing, Brooke and Peyton, I tolerate them. If someone was hurting them, I’d tell them to stop, you know?” I frown, unsure where he’s going with this, but I nod. “Right, so there’s them, and then there’s you. And you’re different.”

Oh, great, I’m different. “Right,” I exhale, my frown growing deeper, “Different.”

“Not different bad, just different. I’ve known you a long time, and you’re my friend. I won’t let some jackass fuck around with you.”

“Yeah, thanks, I think,” I sigh, “But couldn’t you just let me be? Nathan, I just want what everyone else has, is that too much to ask? It’s sweet that you’re protective, but you don’t have to be. I can take care of myself.”

It comes out a little sharper than I intended, which is evident as he closes his face off, withdrawing from me.

“Yeah, fine. You don’t need me, I get it. So, you can bungee on your own.”

“I don’t want to bungee,” I assure him, “Alone or tandem.” I know I upset him, or hurt his feelings – ha, like he has them – or something, but I won’t take the words back. My life would be so much simpler if he didn’t feel the need to take on the title of Protector with me.

“No, come on, Haley,” he sneers, “You want to be so tough on your own, just do it.”

And that is how he goaded me into bungee jumping. By being an ass. I can’t believe I’m going to do this just to spite his jerky ass.

“Fine, Nathan. Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll bungee jump, if that will get you off my damn back,” I bitch at him, stomping up to the line, cutting ahead to where Peyton and Luke are cuddling. They make me ill sometimes.

“Haley?” Peyton questions me.

“Don’t ask,” I growl, shaking my head. I have no cause to take my foul mood out on them, but I can’t seem to help it. “I’m just going to do this stupid thing and get it over with.”

Peyton and Luke’s eyes focus on something behind me, something that I immediately know is Nathan, so I make a point of not turning around. “Yeah, Haley is a big badass who can take care of herself now,” he says, his voice sugary sweet.

It takes everything in me not to turn around and kick him. “You know what?” I bark to Peyton and Luke, “I’ll go first.”

They both stare at me like I’ve lost my mind, which, maybe I have. Why I feel the need to prove anything to Nathan – Nathan! – is beyond me. We’ve never been like this, so testy with each other before.

The closer we inch to the front of the line, the more I curse myself for letting him goad me into this. God, what was I thinking? This is all my fault. I should’ve just ignored what he did, let it slide. It’s Nathan, for crying out loud, he wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t think it was for the best. Oh, maybe if I told him that now, I could get out of this.

Turning around to tell him just that, he gives me a knowing smirk, and I whirl back around. Cannot let him win. Cannot let him win. Okay, I can do this. No, I think I’m going to throw up. Damn it, how do I get myself into these stupid messes? It’s like the time Luke and Nathan convinced me that it would be okay to take the pie off of Mrs. Anderson’s windowsill. ‘She couldn’t possibly need it so much that she’d mind if we had it. She could always make another one, Haley.’ Of course, my mom actually spanked me over that. Every time I’ve ever gotten into trouble it has involved one of those two.

We get to the front of the line, and before I can make my mouth work to protest, Luke has paid for all of us, we’ve all signed the multi-paged release, and we’re on our way to the top. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Peyton and Luke looking concerned, and Nathan smirking like crazy. Peyton looks a little green herself, which is a slight comfort, but not much of one. She and Luke will go down together, so at least she’ll have that support. I’ll be flying – or falling, such is the case – solo.

“Haley?” I glance up at Luke, who is looking really concerned, “Are you okay? It sounds like you’re hyperventilating.”

I shake my head. “No, no, just – just – just – uh, preparing, right, preparing,” I manage to sputter out like an idiot.

They all give me dubious looks, but no one calls me out on it. Thank God. Like I need to look like anymore of a bumbling fool than I already have. And will, when I pee my pants either waiting to jump or after I jump. I don’t know which would be worse. Probably during, when it could splash around. Oh, my gosh, why am I thinking of these things?

When we get to the top, Luke volunteers him and Peyton to go first, which is fine by me. Well, partially fine by me, since I don’t even like being up here. But at least I’m not the first to free fall, attached only to a piece of freaking elastic.

“You don’t have to do this,” Nathan whispers in my ear, “I know you can take care of yourself, and this won’t prove anything to me.”

“Except that I’m a masochist,” I point out, tears falling now, “I can’t do it. I was going to, but I can’t, I’m scared.”

He wraps his arms around me. “Come on, let’s go wait for them at the bottom.”

“No, Nathan, you wanted to do this, go ahead. You stay, I’ll just go down by myself. It’s okay, really.”

He shakes his head, stepping away from me to talk to the operations guy. After a minute, he motions for me to come over. “He’ll take us down, Hales. It’s okay now.”

“No,” I surprise myself – and everyone else – by saying, “No, you want to do this, and I know you won’t do it without me, so let’s do it. But let’s hurry up and do it now before I change my mind.”

“Haley, you have nothing to prove,” Peyton chimes in from where she is being strapped into a harness that frankly doesn’t look like it will do much.

“I know, but I want Nathan to do this.” He tightens his arms around me. “I mean it,” I whisper for his ears only, “I want to do this for you.”

He pulls away enough to turn me around so we’re facing each other. “Why?” he asks point blank, and I marvel at his ability to be monosyllabic. Must be nice, thinks the rambler.

“Because you do everything for me, even when I hate it. And I don’t really hate it, and I’m not really mad at you. And if this makes you happy, then I can be terrorized for a few minutes. But if I die, I’m haunting your ass,” I babble.

He grins at me for a minute before pulling me back to him. He presses a kiss to my forehead. “Can you believe how lucky we are this place didn’t card us?” he asks excitedly.

“Yeah, lucky,” I echo, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Hey, Peyton and Luke are about to go!”

Prying my eyes open, we watch as they freefall until the cord goes taut, flinging them back up. Peyton was screaming as they went over the edge, and still screaming as they fling back up. Stupid Luke is laughing the whole damn way.

Once they’re out of the harness – which I refuse to look over the edge to watch, by the way – they bring it back up and start strapping us in. The guy who is strapping me is talking to me, which I know because I see his lips moving, but I don’t hear a single word. Nothing. Just this buzzing noise that is getting louder and louder.

They next hook Nathan and I up to the bungee cord, and advise us to put our arms around each other. Or, they put my arms around him, so I assume that’s what they were saying. Still with the buzzing thing, wouldn’t you know.

We’ve got helmets on, and when Nathan taps his into mine, something finally catches my attention and I look up at him. “Smile, Hales, this won’t be so bad.” And with that, he pushes us off the edge. I want to scream, I might even open my mouth, but no sound comes out. The ride is over before it even began, basically, and while I wouldn’t do it again, I don’t think it was as bad as I expected. I’m still alive, after all.

“Well?” Luke grins at us, “What did you think?”

“Awesome,” Nathan laughs, and I’m suddenly really glad that I did this with him. He doesn’t laugh nearly enough, and if bungee jumping is what it takes, then sign me up. He glances over at me, still smiling. “You okay?” I nod. “You did it, and you didn’t even scream your head off.”

“It was scary, but I’m glad you liked it.”

“I loved it!” he enthuses, reaching around the guy who is unhooking us to pull me in his arms. He shocks the hell out of me by kissing me, right here in front of everyone, on the lips. “Thanks, Hales, you’re the best.”

He leaves the ‘friend’ part unsaid, but really, it is there for all the hear. I manage to smile at him, and I’m sure the fact that I just jumped off a really, really, really high platform with him is excuse enough for how wan it is.

When we’re finally out of the safety gear, we make our way over to Luke, who looks like he had a great time, too, and Peyton, who looks worse for the wear than I do. “We’re going to go get drinks,” Luke announces, “We’ll be back.”

Peyton ignores him, so I nod, indicating one of us heard. Once he’s gone, Peyton glances up at me. “What is going on with you and Nathan?”

”What do you mean?”

“First you fight, then he comforts you, then you agree to that stupid thing with him, and now he was kissing you?”

“It was nothing,” I shrug, trying to brush it off, “I swear, Peyton, that’s just how Nathan is.”

“Come on, I’ve spent a lot of time around Nathan because of Luke, and Nathan isn’t ever like that with those twits he dates.”

“Well, see? I’m not one of his dates. And I’m not one of his twits, either,” I point out, laughing triumphantly. She doesn’t do more than smile though, and shake her head, so I further clarify. “It’s just how Nathan is with me. I never knew why, and I still don’t.”

“Huh,” she muses, “I mean, we all knew Nathan likes you best – that’s not hard to see. But sometimes it just seems like more than like, don’t you think?”

I snort in laughter at that suggestion. “No. No way, that would never happen. I mean, I’m just his friend, Peyton, and he wouldn’t try and change it.”

“You’re his friend, but what is he to you?” she asks, looking at me knowingly.

“Ooh, does Hales like someone?” Luke asks as they return with drinks for all of us, “Who is it, Haley?”

“You’re such a fucking girl sometimes,” Nathan mutters to Luke, but wisely doesn’t say anything about my potential romantic inclinations.

“Oh, my God, do you see the things you start?” I sigh, while glaring at Peyton, “It’s no one. I don’t like anyone.”

Luke, and Nathan now, peer intently at me. “Okay, fine,” Peyton laughs, dropping it, although she gives me a look that suggests it is anything but. At least I get a reprieve now.

~*~

I can barely get through my first few classes before lunch break because I am so bothered over how things are with Nathan. It’s stupid, but I’m really letting it get to me in a very distracting way. But he’s my boyfriend – hell, he’s sort of the sun in my universe – and I love him, and I hate that we’re not one hundred percent right now. It sort of scares me.

When I’ve picked up a sandwich and latte from a coffee shop on campus, I head back to the student union building so I’m close to my next class. I dig out my phone, dialing Peyton’s number, knowing she’ll appreciate my frustration.

“Hello?”

“I hate Scott men. No, actually, I hate all things related to anything Scott in anyway. Yeah, that’s better, I think.”

“Hi Haley,” she laughs, “And I know the sentiment.”

“I knew you would,” I smile, “How’re things with you? I haven’t talked to you in a week and a half. That’s a really long time.”

“Four emails though,” she points out, “But I miss you, too, dah-ling.” I laugh at her goofiness. “And things are good. Luke is being a prick, which apparently seems to run in the family.”

“Apparently? Seems to?” I laugh again, “What did he do now?”

“Oh, he’s just an ass. Doesn’t want me to drive up to see him this weekend, even though he has home games. Whatever. I’m so over this shit, you know?”

I sigh, not wanting to be even remotely near the middle of anything between those two. “Isn’t his school hosting a tournament this weekend? I’m sure it’s just because he’ll be so busy with that he knows he wouldn’t see you,” I suggest, at least wanting her to feel better.

“Sure, I know. But I’m still mad. You’d think that five minutes would be better than nothing, but apparently, he’d choose nothing.”

“What the hell is wrong with these Scott men?” I grumble.

“Two words, one name,” she states, and I chime in with her, “Dan Scott.”

~*~

“Is your dad going to be around?” Peyton asks, “He just makes me kind of nervous. I’m not scared of him, but he’s uncomfortable to be around. No offense.”

Nathan rolls his eyes, but Luke grins. “That’s the nicest way anyone has described him in the last two decades, actually.”

Peyton and I giggle, assuming that is true. Dan isn’t exactly the most personable fellow in town. Or on his block. Or in his house. Or – well, you get the picture.

“Yeah, he’ll be around,” Nathan bites out, “Making everyone in his path miserable.” He shrugs. “It’s what he does best.”

I put an arm around his shoulders, guiding him towards the house. “Well, at least your mom will be here this weekend, right?”

“Yeah, great. Nice of her to take time to visit for her kid’s eighteenth birthday, right?” Nathan sighs.

“At least she didn’t drop you off on Dan’s door on your thirteenth birthday,” Luke snips back, “I think that might just be a smidge worse.”

“Yeah, I know,” Nathan concedes, knowing that what Luke went through was worse than his traumas with Dan. I feel bad for both of them, having seen firsthand the kind of crap he inflicts on them. He doesn’t discriminate when it comes to treating his sons like crap.

“Come on, it’s going to be a good day, even if that means getting out of here and ditching the ‘rents, right?”

“If? You say that like there’s a question of whether or not we’ll end up doing that,” Luke laughs, “I don’t think anyone is inclined to stay here longer than necessary.”

“Let’s get this over with,” Nathan growls, shrugging off my arm and stalking towards the house. Luke follows him, and Peyton and I share a look. There is no way this will turn out well. Nathan is already in a ‘mood’, and Dan is a mood, and this is just going to be like two storm fronts colliding.

Deb is already there when we get into the dining room, arguing with Dan. She freezes when she sees all of us, pasting on a fake, but cheerful smile.

“There’s my birthday boy,” she grins, walking over to hug him. He holds himself stiffly away from her, not moving to reciprocate the hug at all. “Nathan,” she chides, “You could give me a hug. I haven’t seen you in a few weeks.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” he mutters, pulling away from her as Dan smirks at her.

“Wow,” Peyton whispers, quiet enough for only me and Luke to hear. Luke motions for her to shut and then steps forward and hugs Deb. It always surprises me that he is affectionate with her, much more so than I’ve ever seen Nathan be, considering how his mom just left him here. But the mother son vibe is definitely more prominent between them.

Nathan falls back away from his parents, but makes sure to keep his distance from us, too. He always shuts down after being around them. It will almost be pointless for the four of us to hang out tonight considering what a foul mood he’ll be in by the time this dinner is over.

Deb ushers all of us into chairs around the table. “Well, I hired caterers for this,” she announces, “So, this can be a relaxing, fun event for all of us.” She did the same for Luke’s last birthday. It isn’t so much for ease as it is to cover that she cannot cook.

“As usual, honey,” Dan sneers, not willing to let the white lie slide, “God forbid you be a woman and cook for your family.”

“Knock it off, Dan,” she snaps back, “It isn’t like you ever bothered to cook for yourself or the boys either.”

“Well, I also never tried to project some false mother hen image, did I?” he volleys back. Peyton’s wide eyes travel between the two as the tension in the room escalates.

“I’ll go tell the caterers that we’re ready,” Luke announces, standing up and leaving the room as Dan continues to glare at Deb. Nathan ignores everyone by leaning back in his chair and staring at the ceiling.

Luke returns quickly with the caterers right behind him. Sometimes I think that he’s the only reason there hasn’t been a homicide in this house; he really is that much of a peacekeeper.

“I peeked at the food, Deb, and it looks great,” he smiles, trying to defuse the tension. I almost laugh when Peyton looks at him like he’s crazy. It is always amusing when new people are here for the first time – no one is ever prepared how odd this family is.

“Thanks, Lucas,” she smiles softly at him, “I appreciate that.”

Dan snickers. “My wife can’t be woman enough to cook, but one of my sons can be woman enough to coo over the food selection. Real nice, Lucas.”

“Dan, stop it!” Deb snaps as the caterers set plates of food in front of each of us. Peyton and I are the only two who thank them. Everyone else ignores them, either too caught up in the fight or just not caring.

Once the caterers leave, probably off to finish preparing the fancy dessert Deb has planned, Deb says a quick grace and we all start eating. Except Nathan, who seems hell-bent on pissing Dan off. He continues to tilt his chair back and ignore his plate. Even Luke is getting tense at this point, and Deb looks like she’s going to have a panic attack.

Dan orders Nathan at least five times to sit correctly in his chair and eat, but Nathan ignores him. When Nathan fails to respond to him for the sixth straight time, Dan leans over and shoves him, sending Nathan flying backwards.

Deb gasps, jumping up out of her seat. Luke just buries his head in his hands, and Peyton gawks at the whole scene. I watch Nathan, waiting to see what he’ll do, growing steadily enraged at Dan and the way he treats Nathan. Nathan just stays there, on the floor for a minute, his face tightening into a mask of anger and disinterest.

I can’t take it anymore. I can’t sit here knowing that no one else is going to say anything, no one is going to help him. So I stand up, dropping my napkin onto my plate, and move to kneel beside Nathan. He looks at me like I’m crazy, but I don’t care anymore. I grab his arm and tug on it until he lifts himself up. Once he’s standing, still looking at me like I’ve lost it, I turn on Dan.

“How dare you treat him like that?” I hiss, “This is disgusting! You’re disgusting.” Even Luke looks horrified at this point, probably imagining all the possible outcomes. Nathan grabs my arm, trying to pull me away. “No, stop it, Nathan! Let me say this!” He drops my arm, holding his hands up in defeat. I swear I can see a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. “You’re a selfish jerk. You have two of the greatest sons anyone could ask for, and you endlessly treat them like shit. You take no pride in them, and clearly none in yourself. You’re a disgusting shell of a man who should be locked up for the way he treats his family!”

Once my little tirade is finished, I let out a puff of air and stomp out of the dining room past the staring caterers and out the front door. I know Nathan is following me, and that’s fine, good even. God knows he’s better off with me than any of them. I don’t stop, though, continuing down the driveway out to the road where Nathan’s car is parked.

I sit on the hood of his car, waiting for him. When he catches up, he stands in front of me with a smirk on his face.

“Oh, go ahead and say it,” I mutter miserably, “I’m sorry for embarrassing you.”

He looks at me a minute before busting out laughing. “Come on, don’t apologize, you know I love it when someone fucks back with Dan. That was great,” he enthuses, “And I think he actually respects you more now, too.”

“He’s twisted,” I mutter, rolling my eyes at Nathan’s amusement.

“Haley, this is the greatest birthday I’ve had since I – since I can remember, actually. You got us out of there before Dad even got to take a bit of his food. That was awesome,” he laughs, and I can tell he’s genuinely happy right now. This isn’t a side of him that we see often, not even me.

“Let’s get out of here,” I grin, giving in and seeing the amusement in the situation.

“What about Peyton and Luke?” he wonders, knowing that I’d usually care.

I shrug. “They’ll find something to do. Brooke is throwing a party tonight. We could go there; I’m sure that’s where Peyt and Luke will end up.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t feel like that tonight. Let’s just hang out, huh?”

There is no way I’d turn down that suggestion, so I just grin at him and walk over to the passenger door, waiting for him to unlock it. He does, and I climb in.

“Where we going?” I ask.

“Where would you like to go? Because this is your night, really. Birthday be damned. That display deserves the right to choose the activities.”

I roll my eyes at him, blushing. “Well, then let’s go to my place. My parents are out of town, of course,” I tell him, eyes widening when I realize what it sounds like I’m suggesting, “I mean, I made a cake for you because I knew Deb would have one of those frou-frou desserts that you hate so much.”

He glances over at me as he starts the car. “Yeah, that sounds good,” he agrees, seeming to not notice my embarrassment.

When we get there, he tells me he’d rather hang in my room than the downstairs, so he heads up there while I go in the kitchen to get the cake. It’s pretty big; I’d figure that Luke and Peyton would be here, too. Of course, now it is just us, which isn’t a bad thing. I put eighteen candles in there and grab the matchbook and head upstairs.

“Hey, look at that,” he grins when I walk in the room, “Haley, you shouldn’t have.”

“I always do,” I remind him, setting it down on my desk. He’s sprawled out on my bed, so I motion him over here. “C’mere.”

He shakes his head lazily. “Nope. My birthday, I want to eat over here.”

I roll my eyes at him, but don’t push the issue as I light the candles. “You know, if you get crumbs on my bed, I’ll have to hurt you.”

“Hurt so good?” he quips.

“No, not the good hurt,” I assure him, “Perhaps the kind that ensures you’ll never have good hurt again.”

“Oh,” he grimaces, “That’s not even okay to threaten.”

“You brought it up,” I shrug, “I’m just letting you know the consequences.”

“Brat,” he grins, staring up at me as I approach with the cake. “Hey, look at that, your cakes get better every year, Hales.”

“Blow out your candles,” I order him.

“Nope. Not until you sing,” he laughs, looking so relaxed that it is hard to remember how he was acting at dinner not so long ago.

“No, blow! Wax is already starting to drip onto the frosting, Nathan! Just blow them out,” I cajole.

“Sing, Hales. Please? I love it when you sing.”

Sighing, I nod, knowing he’d sit here forever letting the candles melt until I complied with his request. And really, it’s a simple enough request to comply with. So I sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him, cheering when I’m done and he blows out the candles. “Way to go, old man. You’ve still got a little breath left in you,” I tease.

He sticks his finger in the frosting, swiping a chunk and sticking it in his mouth. “Tastes good,” he grins.

“I made it myself,” I beam, “Nice and sugary and fattening, just for you.”

“Yeah, you know how I like it,” he laughs, taking the cake from me and placing it on the end table by my bed. “Come here,” he beckons, holding his arms out.

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Nathan.”

“No, really, come here. I want you to hold me. For my birthday present.”

I blink in surprise. Nathan has never, ever said anything so, so vulnerable. “But I got you a real present.”

“Well, I’ll take that, too, but first…?” he trails off, the question in his voice. I nod, dropping down on the bed next to him, surprised when he lies down, putting his head in my lap. What on earth is going on with him?

“Are you okay, Nathan?” I ask cautiously, “You seem, um, out of it.”

“It’s really cute when you do that,” he smiles, staring up at me. At least he’s looking at my eyes, not slightly south of there.

“Do what?” I ask, thoroughly confused.

“Bite your lip like that. Like you’re not quite sure if you should say what you plan on saying. It makes me want to soothe it, though.”

If I was a cartoon, I would’ve gulped at this point, accompanied by a loud, obnoxious sound. Thankfully I don’t, though, or don’t think I did. Nathan is looking at me like something is funny, which is probably the face I’m making at him.

“How?” I ask plainly, not sure why I’m getting this close to the flame.

“Want me to show you?” he asks, his voice low and husky.

“I – yeah, I do,” I say strongly, almost daring him to follow through with it. He blinks in surprise, but recovers quickly, grinning like a letch at me.

He leans up on an elbow so that his face is at level with my breasts, and I shiver when he lays his hand flat on my stomach before slowly sliding it up, between my breasts, to cup my face. “Come here,” he whispers, gently pulling me down to him.

“Nathan,” I try to question, but it comes out as more of a plea.

“I’m right here, Hales,” he assures me, brushing his lips against mine for the first time, softly, gently. He’s right; it is soothing. But at the same time, it is the least soothing thing I’ve ever felt as it gets my heart racing and heat suffuses into my cheeks.

He pulls back slightly, the hand that was cupping my face now tucking the hair that had fallen forward behind my ears. I dare to open my eyes and look at him, finding him staring at me with a bemused expression on his face.

“Sooo, that’s how you soothe,” I breathe out, trying to calm down. Having his head in my lap and his hands still in my hair isn’t really helping me there.

“That’s part of it,” he grins, “I could show you more. If you want.”

“Okay,” I nod, probably willing to agree to bungee jump again if he suggested it right now.

His eyes darken as he leans back up, his hand tangling in my hair. I lean back down to him, ready to feel his lips on mine again. He obliges, again brushing his against mine, his fingers gently caressing my cheek. I gasp in surprise when he begins to gently lave my lower lip with his tongue, and he takes advantage to invade my mouth.

I go still for a moment, not entirely sure what to do. I’ve been kissed before, but never by Nathan Scott. There must be something special to do when it is Nathan kissing you, right? When he pulls away from my lips to kiss my cheek, I snap into action, laying one hand on his stomach above the rise of his jeans and the other fists in his hair, guiding his lips back to mine.

“Mmm, Hales,” he laughs, pulling away. I look at him, confused. “Thanks for the great birthday. I should go now.”

“What? Leave now?” I ask quietly.

“Well, yeah, maybe I’ll make an appearance at Brooke’s party. Might as well come home hammered and really piss the old man off, right?”

I stare at him in dismay as he extricates himself from my grip. “I haven’t even given you your present yet,” I tell him, at a loss for anything significant to say.

“You’ve given me more than you should,” he sighs, heading for the door. He turns and gives me a small smile. “I’ll see you soon, Hales.”

“Don’t do this,” I say as he’s almost out the door. He turns back to me, a question in his eyes. “I’m not one of your toys, Nathan. I’m not. And I won’t let you treat me like I am.” He opens his mouth to say something. “Get out. I mean it. Get the hell out of here, I won’t let you use me.”

I think if I’d screamed it, he’d have stayed and argued with me. But I say it with such calmness and seriousness, he takes heed and leaves. He did what I told him to, but I’m still mad he left. Augh. What difference does it make, though – he would’ve left one way or the other, right?

~*~

“Well, if we’ve learned anything through the years, it is that Dan Scott royally fucked up both his sons, right?” Peyton says, startling me out of my reverie.

I shift the phone to the other ear. “Yeah, he did numbers on them. I swear, though, I’m going to kick Nathan’s ass because he’s been such a jerk lately.”

“What’s he doing this time?” she asks lightly, laughing.

“No, this time it’s bad. It isn’t something stupid or frivolous or even me just being a complainer. He’s ignoring me!” I finish with a wail.

She busts out laughing. “Oh, Haley, I’m sorry, but Nathan never ignores you. Ever since I started hanging out with you in high school, I cannot think of one single time that Nathan wasn’t completely aware of you and what you were doing. That’s just how he is with you. Now, a giant bird could swoop down next to him and pick up the kid sitting next to him in class and he wouldn’t notice, but you, you were always in his sights.”

“Then why is he acting like I’m kryptonite all of a sudden?” I whine, “He’s spent more time with ‘the guys’, whoever the hell they are, than with me, who lives with him, by the way, in the last two weeks. I just want to scream at him until he acts like…well, until he stops acting like this.”

“So, scream then,” she suggests blithely, “Just do it.”

“What’s the point?” I groan in frustration, not caring that people are staring at me, “I mean, hello, it’s Nathan. He’d just – oh, I don’t know, but it wouldn’t work. He’d shut me out even more.”

“I thought he was past that shit?” she asks.

“So did I!” I exclaim, “That’s why this is so irritating! All I can think is that something must be bothering him, but I have no clue what. I hate it when he gets like this. The last time was when…you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” she sighs, “But we were all kind of like that then, not just him.”

~*~

“I’ve never been to a funeral before,” I whisper to Peyton, Brooke, and Jake, “I don’t know what we’re supposed to do.”

“They’ll tell you,” Peyton whispers back, her expression morose. Not than mine is any different. It is a funeral, after all.

I nod, wiping a tear away when I see Luke and then Nathan follow in a somber Dan. I haven’t spoken with Nathan since his birthday a month and a half ago, but I know that when this is over, I will be the one he comes to, and I will welcome him. He needs me now, and I know that I need him, too. If I learned anything from this stupid, senseless tragedy, it is that no matter what, I want Nathan to be a part of my life. Even when he’s jerking me around.

“Do you think they’ll be okay?” Peyton asks me quietly when the service is over and she and I are the only two sitting in the chapel.

I shrug. “I don’t know. It will take awhile, especially with Nathan. Luke, he’s not as maladjusted as Nathan is, even if you’d think he’d be worse off. But Nathan, he isn’t going to do well with this.”

“She was his mom,” she points out, “And just Luke’s stepmom.”

“Luke loved her, though, and his relationship with her was better than I ever remember Nathan’s being.” I shake my head. “Maybe that is why it will be worse for Nathan.”

“I feel so bad for them,” she sighs, “I mean, I know how they feel, and it is the worst. It couldn’t get any worse than this.”

I nod, wrapping my arms around her. “Its okay, Peyton, we’ll help them get through it. And we’ll help you, too, okay?”

She nods. “You already do.”

We stay in the chapel a little longer, neither of us anxious to join the rest of the mourners. Brooke and Jake had already left, citing the need to pick Jenny up from the sitter, so it was just and a bunch of old people left to mourn. Finally, we realize we can’t stay here any longer, and make our way out the door, surprised to see that the receiving line hadn’t petered out quite yet.

“Do we have to?” Peyton asks me in a low voice, “Because Mr. Scott scares me at normal times, so I’m practically peeing my pants right now.”

If this situation wasn’t what it is, I’d probably laugh at that, but instead I just sympathize silently, feeling the same way. It isn’t that I don’t feel bad for him, because a part of me does, but coming face to face with him at a time like this isn’t a desirable prospect.

We glance at each other and reluctantly join the receiving line. Peyton links her arm through mine in a gesture that I know is meant as mutual support as we inch towards them. It takes about five minutes, and the wait is agonizing, but it gets worse the instant we are in front of them.

Peyton immediately steps forward to hug Luke, pulling her tight against him. I glance briefly at Nathan who is staring into space before turning to Dan. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes, “I’ll really miss her, you know.”

He nods, his eyes not as unkind as they usually are, and I can’t help but notice how broken he seems. He was always such an imposing figure, but now he seems bent, small, defeated. I don’t know how to describe it, but it is just sad. Peyton moves away from Luke after a minute, stopping to whisper something in Nathan’s ear, so I step to Luke, holding my arms out for him.

“She’s really gone, Hales,” he says softly, “She was never at home, but she’d always come back, you know? But now…”

“I know, Luke, I know,” I murmur, hugging him tight.

“He needs you, Hales. I don’t know what happened with you two, but don’t – don’t keep it up. You’re the only one.” I pull away from him, nodding. I know that he’s right.

Taking a deep breath, I step in front of Nathan, not really sure what to do. He doesn’t look at me, but I know he’s aware that I’m waiting for an acknowledgement. I watch his face as he tries to fight back the emotions, staring blankly at the wall to his right. Unable to take it any longer, I reach out and put my hand on the side of his face. He lets out a deep shuddering breath at the contact, but doesn’t react other than that.

I pull my hand back, but step closer to him. “When you’re ready, I’m here,” I tell him, just giving him the verbal reassurance he probably needs after the way I’ve treated him lately, refusing to let him speak even a word to me. But not anymore, no more of that petty crap. It’s all about being the friend he needs now.

He doesn’t say anything, but he does look me in the eye for the first time, and I know he’s forgiven me for shutting him out and treating him so poorly. Peyton gives Luke one last hug, and then we wander off together, snaking through the room set up for the mourners and outside. There’s a pond out back, and we find a bench in the shade of a huge, old magnolia tree and sit there.

Neither of us has much to say, and so we don’t. We just sit here trying to come to terms with the curveball that life has thrown at us, and trying to come up with ways to help Luke and Nathan. I don’t know if she’s got any ideas worth trying, but I’m broke. When Nathan comes to me, I don’t know what I’ll say, I don’t know what I’ll tell him, and I don’t know how to comfort him.

“Oh, there’s Luke,” Peyton says, jumping up. I don’t look, just nod at her and gesture for her to go. It isn’t like I need her more than he does now. She squeezes my hand once and then takes off.

I’m so lost in my own world that for once I don’t realize that Nathan is approaching until he is actually in my line of vision. “Nathan,” I breathe, glancing up at him. I scoot over on the bench so that he can sit down, which to my surprise, he does.

“You don’t have to say you’re sorry,” he says quietly after a long period of silence, “It won’t bring her back anyway.”

”No, it won’t,” I agree, “But I’m still sorry. For you, Luke, even for Dan. For all of us, actually. I’ll really miss her.”

He nods. “Yeah, I know you will.” We lapse back into silence, staring out at the pond filled with ducks lazily floating around. “You don’t have to stay with me,” he says to break the silence, “You should just go.”

I stand up to do just that, figuring this is one time when I should respect his wishes without a fight. I stop in front him, trying to think of something to say, but nothing comes to mind, so I turn again to leave. To my surprise, he grabs my hand, holding me in place. I look down at him, unsure of what to do. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t release my hand either. Just when I think he isn’t going to anything, he pulls me close enough that he can wrap his arms around my hips, burying his head in my stomach.

I just let him cry, not protesting when he pulls me even closer to him, his hand idly caressing my hip. He’s so out of it he doesn’t even know what he’s doing. I lean back to pull away so that I can sit down and wrap my arms around him, but he shakes his head against me.

“No, don’t go. I need you like this, Hales,” he whispers, his voice broken and pleading.

And who am I to deny him that?

~*~

“You do realize that the anniversary of the car accident is this week, don’t you?” she points out, causing me to sigh in frustration.

“I can’t believe I forgot that. Well, maybe that’s what is bothering him,” I concede, even though I don’t really believe it. That was almost four years ago, and I know he misses her and gets depressed and angry about it sometimes, he doesn’t usually take it out this way.

“You guys will be okay,” she says softly, “How could you not, after everything you went through to even get together, right?”

I have to laugh at that: it did take a lot for Nathan and me to finally get to a point where things were even okay between us, let alone where we could think about dating each other. But it was a long time coming, and we had to walk on eggshells for awhile. I don’t want to be back in that place with him where things are awkward, even if we try not to let them be.

“It’s just hard, Peyton. I wish I knew what was going on with him. If I knew that, then I could deal with it. Right now, there is just this abstract problem out there, and since it has no definition, there is nothing that can be done about that. I hate that.”

“You aren’t surprised, are you?” she chuckles, “I mean, it’s Nathan. Mr. Four Word Maximum. He’s never been the most open, right?”

She’s right, yeah, but even when he’s not talking, which is usually, I can still read him. I feel like I can’t right now, like he doesn’t want me to, and that’s what is freaking me out. God, it has never been like this with us, even at times when maybe it should have been.

~*~

“You’re drunk,” he says accusingly, pointing his big, drunk finger in my face.

“Am not,” I argue, reaching over him to grab the bottle of vodka he was trying to keep away from me, “I’m just toasty. Nathan, let me have the bottle!”

“No, you’ve had enough,” he smirks, “I don’t want you to get to the point where you’d let some sleaze take advantage of you.”

“Haven’t we had this discussion before?” I mumble crossly, well aware that he is the only sleaze I care to have take advantage of me. Now, where do these thoughts come from?

“You look confused,” he tells me, poking me in the ribs, “And it doesn’t matter how many times you try and convince me to let those jackasses near you, it’ll never happen. And since you were dumb enough to enroll at the same school as me, you’re stuck with it for another for years.”

I roll my eyes at him. “You’re so full of yourself, Scott! You know damned well I was enrolled there first, and that I’ve wanted to go there since I was ten!”

He nods. “Well, you just got lucky that I got that scholarship then, huh? Or will it really be so bad with me there?”

“You salt my game, Nathan,” I snit, trying for cool, but judging by his laugh, failing miserably.

“Oh, Haley, come on, I just think you’re too good for that. You should find someone special to be with, not some ass who just likes your…well, ass.”

“Easy for you to say,” I growl, “You could’ve had another prom date. You chose to come with us as a group! Some of us – meaning me – didn’t have that option.”

And it’s true. From what Brooke told me, Nathan had at least forty offers that he turned down for our group date. It seemed weird at first to me that we’d do this, but Brooke and Jake are tentatively on again, Luke and Peyton are on the outs due to college plans, and I had no date. Of course.

“Not true,” he comments, “I probably shouldn’t tell you this because you’ll kick my ass, but three guys asked if I’d give them a reprieve from the ass-kicking if they asked you out. I said no to all three.”

“What?” I snap, “Nathan, who were they? Why would you do that?”

“Why?” he laughs, sounding a little bitter, “Because its prom. It’s you, and it’s me. I couldn’t imagine going to prom with someone other than you. There’d be no fun in that, and there’s no one that even approaches how important you are.”

Sometimes I think the pedestal that he’s chosen to set me on is so high that there is no where for me to go in his eyes but down. And that scares me. What happens when he realizes that I’m not as special or good as he wants to believe? Would I even still matter to him then?

“Say something,” he prods, bumping his shoulder into me.

I glance over at him, trying to smile. I don’t know what he wants me to say, and there isn’t really anything I have to say, so I just lean over and kiss him, shocking the hell out of both of us. I pull away really quickly, but before I can get far, his hands are on my face, pulling me back to him. When he pulls me over him so that I’m straddling his thighs, I’m suddenly glad that Brooke talked me into the dress with the billowy skirt.

He never breaks the kiss as he pulls me closer and closer to him, which suits me just fine. I wrap my arms around his neck wanting to show him that I’m a more than willing participant in all of this. When we finally do break apart, he leaves his hands on my thighs, where they’d somehow landed under the skirt of my dress. His hands feel warm on me, and I’m more than willing to press myself further into his touch.

“Haley?” he stops me when I start to loosen his tie and unbutton his shirt, “Hey, what are we doing here? I – I’m not complaining, but I don’t want to mess this up.”

I know that the ‘this’ he means is our friendship, not any sort of budding relationship, and that’s okay. It really is. Because no matter what I feel, Nathan will always be my friend, and I’ll always be there for him.

“It is…it just is, Nathan. Don’t question, just feel,” I implore him, leaning down and pressing my lips to his once again.

“Shouldn’t that be my line?” he laughs against my lips.

“I get to be in charge tonight,” I whisper huskily to him, “And I say its mine.”

He leans back on his elbows, grinning up at me. There’s no guile behind it, and it isn’t the same one he gives when he’s in seduction mode. And believe me, I’ve seen him pull the routine on enough girls to recognize when he’s using it, so it makes me happy, makes me feel special that he isn’t trying the same tack on me. Of course, why waste time buying the milk when the cow is giving herself away for free, right?

But I don’t even care about the consequences. In fact, I’m not even worried about them, if only because I know enough to be secure in our friendship. Will things be awkward tomorrow? Yeah, I can’t lie to myself, they probably will. But it will be worth it.

“Are you sure, Haley?” he asks, hopefully just one last time, “Because if you’re not, you need to get off my lap, babe. I can’t take you rubbing on me like that anymore if this is just fun, okay?”

I take his face between my hands, smiling shyly at him. “I’m very serious, Nathan. I want it to be you.”

“Want what to be me?” he asks, even though we both know what I mean.

“I want you to be my first.”

“Are we going to be weird if we do this?” he asks.

“You’re my friend, Nathan. That isn’t going to change, ever. And maybe that’s why this seems so perfect. Because it’s you.”

“And you,” he grins, reaching up to pull the pins out of my hair, letting it tumble down around my shoulders, “It’s us.”

“That’s enough, right?” I smile, leaning against him.

He brushes the hair off my neck, kissing the expanse of skin he’s just revealed. “Enough for me. More than enough, actually.”

I smile coyly at him, pushing him all the way down on his back. “I guess that’s settled, then.”

Everything is really anything but settled, but I don’t care and refuse to think about that. Tonight is just about Nathan, and that’s all I ever wanted it to be about anyway.

~*~

“So, what about you?” I ask, changing the subject, “Going to drive up there to see Luke, even though he told you not to.”

“Hell, no,” she mutters, “I can’t. One, I’m beginning to wonder if I wouldn’t like what I found if I did, and two, if he doesn’t want me there, then why bother? I’m tired of making the effort and him – not.”

“Stop making the effort,” I suggest, “Give him a taste of his own medicine. Not that I think it would do any good. Those Scotts are a breed all their own when it comes to denseness.”

“Don’t I know it,” she grumbles, “Besides, I don’t want to stoop to his level. That would give him far too much satisfaction.”

“Can I tell you something that I really believe?” I ask.

“Yeah, of course.”

“He loves you. He does, Peyt, and I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I do know that. So, don’t get too frustrated with him.”

“I could say the same to you,” she points out wryly, “But Luke and I are different. And I don’t know, maybe it is time for us to go off again.”

“Do you really want that?”

“We were high school sweethearts, we go to school four hours away from each other. Is it really in our favor that we’ll last?”

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. “Since when do you care about statistics? This is a relationship, not a case study.”

“Well, Haley, it’s beginning to feel like both, actually. And it’s freaking me out. It’s like, all I hear when I think of how far apart we are is how unlikely it is that we’ll work it out. And then, throw in that we’ve been together since high school? We’re screwed!”

“Okay, one piece of advice, my friend: talk to him. Just tell him everything. Maybe he feels the same, maybe he doesn’t, but you both need to know.”

“I could say the same to you,” she laughs, “And Haley? You and Nathan, you’re different. I don’t believe for a second in hell that you two won’t make it. Everyone who knows you can tell that you belong together the first time they see you together.”

~*~

Waking up in Nathan’s arms for the first time is breathtaking. I’m sprawled over his naked chest like I’m staking claim, and maybe in a tiny way, I am. Knowing that things are different now that its morning, I move away from him, grabbing the sheet to wrap around myself. We came back to his house last night since Dan is out of town, and in a weird way, I’m grateful for the familiar surroundings.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t even realize he’s up and out of bed until he’s behind me, hands on my shoulders. I glance behind me, smiling up at him.

“Hey,” he says softly, leaning down and kissing my neck.

“Hey yourself,” I practically purr, letting myself lean back into him. I smile when he slides his hands down my arms to wrap around me.

“Still seem like such a good idea now that it is morning?” he asks, sounding surprisingly vulnerable.

“Nathan, yeah. I meant it when I said that I couldn’t imagine it being anyone else.” I turn around, looking up at his face. “It could only have been you, okay?” He smiles at me, and I blush, glancing down. “Nathan! You’re naked!” I exclaim.

He laughs, pulling me to him. “So are you,” he points out, his hands cupping my butt and pulling me close to him. He grins when I sigh in response. “And you don’t mind it so much.”

“You’re still naked!” I say like a moron, averting my gaze immediately.

He laughs, tipping my chin back towards him. “So?” he asks defiantly, “You saw last night. And come on, I’m not so hard on the eyes, am I?”

“It isn’t about that,” I argue, fixing my gaze on his face, “Last night was last night, and today is different.”

“So, we – what? That was just that? Nothing more than one night of devirginization and a few practice runs for you? I don’t know if I like that, Hay,” he shrugs, stepping even closer to me. Close enough that I can feel his breath on my face.

“Nathan,” I sigh, as his hands skirt over the top of breasts, sliding beneath the sheet.

“You like that, Haley,” he tells me with authority, leaning down to nuzzle his lips against my neck, “You aren’t going to make me stop, are you?”

“No, don’t stop,” I agree, letting my arms wind around his waist and caress his bare back, “You feel good, Nathan.”

I can feel his smile against my skin. “You make me feel good, Hay. I like how you touch me,” he encourages. His words take away the last of my morning inhibitions as I let my hands wander, exploring his body the way he explored mine last night.

When he pulls the sheet free and lets it fall to the ground, I instinctively move towards him, brushing against him. He backs us towards the bed. He is just pinning my arms down to the mattress when there is a loud banging on the door.

”Open up, Scott!” Brooke screams, “Haley is missing!”

“Oh, my God,” I mutter, wondering where the hell they think I went. They knew I was with Nathan, and they know Nathan isn’t going to dump me off in the middle of nowhere.

“Damn her,” Nathan curses, dropping his forehead to rest against mine, “Bad time, hmm?”

“Really bad,” I agree, not yet removing my arms from around him.

“I can get rid of her,” he suggests.

“She’ll never go,” I point out softly, tilting my head to give him a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“No, she won’t,” he agrees, “So, then, I guess last night really was it, huh?”

“Nathan!” Brooke screams again, “I know you’re in there! I can hear you talking to whatever hoochie you brought home last night!”

“You going to answer the door or should I?” I ask him with a wink.

He looks at me in surprise. “Go for it. But I’m going to sit here naked,” he grins. He rolls off me, and grabs the discarded sheet off the floor. “Have fun.”

“Nathan!” Brooke yells again, “I mean it, you slimy little bastard!”

rolling my eyes, I wrap the towel around myself and walk over to the door, putting on the most annoyed expression I can muster. “Really, Brookie,” I spit out as I swing the door open, “It’s early, you could’ve called first!”

She stares at me, her mouth dropping open in…shock? Horror? “I – I – I didn’t know. What the hell are you doing here?” she gasps at me, “We’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

“Why?” I ask plainly, wondering when she’s going to see Nathan lounging on the bed behind me. Hopefully not naked. Brooke shouldn’t get to see all of him, too.

“Because you were at prom one minute, and gone the next.”

“And you didn’t put two and two together that Nathan had also left?” I ask, laughing at how serious she is about all this.

“Well, yeah, we knew, and at first we figured you guys went to get coffee or drunk or something. But then you never went home, and you never answered your cell. Hey, where is Nathan? And why are you wearing a sheet? Are you naked?” She claps both hands over her mouth. “Oh, my God, you didn’t! Tell me you didn’t, Haley!”

She looks around me and sees Nathan, gasping even louder than before. I turn around, grateful to see he’s placed a pillow in his lap. He is, of course, smirking at Brooke’s reaction to all of this.

“Haley James,” she grins, “I knew you had it in you!” She throws her arms around me in a hug. “Oh, ew, I probably got some nasty sort of Nathan juice on me. But yay for you!”

“My juice isn’t nasty,” Nathan comments idly from the bed, “Wouldn’t you agree, Hay?”

Brooke stares at me for a minute before laughing. “Oh, my God, I can’t wait to tell everyone this!” she squeals, “Luke and Jake owe me a hundred each!”

“You bet that we would sleep together?” I ask, incredulous.

“Oh, of course,” she grins, “We bet on everything. In fact, I guess it would happen prom night, so I collect double from both of them. Well, I’ll let y’all…uh, continue! Bye!”

She leaves, and I shut the door behind her, leaning back against it. “Well, that was weird,” I drawl out slowly.

“Yeah, well, things with Brooke usually are,” he shrugs, getting out of bed and pulling his boxers and jeans on. “We should probably go find everyone and stop the rampant rumors before things get out of hand.”

I’m not sure how to take this. On one hand, I knew this was a no strings, once in a lifetime thing. And I accept that, I really do. At the same time, it feels very hot/cold, what with him being so ready, willing, and able to jump back into bed this morning. I don’t expect him to fawn over me, but it’d be less of an ego blow if he didn’t act like the room was on fire trying to get out of here.

“Yeah, I’m sure Luke is already thinking of a hundred and one ways to kill you,” I joke futilely, “I mean, I am like a sister to him.”

“To him,” he says specifically, “Not me. Definitely not me.”

It is on the tip of my tongue to ask what I am to him then, but I don’t want to know. Not right now. So I just smile at him, and figure that things will work themselves out how they’re supposed to.

“Let’s go then.” I follow his lead and get dressed, pulling on a pair of his shorts and a t-shirt of his. “It’s weird to wear a strapless bra with a t-shirt,” I laugh, “Way too formal.”

“Go braless then,” he smirks.

I stare at him for a second, surprised yet amused by his suggestion, and then I just laugh and reach under the t-shirt, doing as he said. “Give me a sweatshirt, then.”

“No way, that’s not the point of going braless, hiding it under a sweatshirt. The point of going braless is wet t-shirts and giving me hugs and – “

“Nathan, a sweatshirt?” I interrupt, rolling my eyes at him, “And come on, you were the one who said we should stop Brooke from spreading rumors about us. Our parents probably know by now.”

“Fine,” he grumbles, “Let’s go.”

We head downstairs, and I swear I nearly lose a year off my life when I run smack into Luke. “What are you doing here?” I gasp, smacking him on the arm.

“We were waiting for you two to get down here,” he grins, eyeing Nathan, “Hear you guys had an interesting evening.”

“Shut up, man,” Nathan orders him, giving him a look clearly meant as a warning.

I roll my eyes at Nathan, pushing past them both to find Peyton and Brooke. Jake points me towards the kitchen, where I find them on the deck outside. They both blush when they see me, making it clear what – or who – they were talking about.

“Well, don’t stop on my account,” I sigh, dropping onto a chaise lounge, “I’d love to hear your takes on this new and startling development.”

“New, yes,” Brooke agrees, “But not startling.”

“A little startling!” I argue, “Come on, you guys weren’t really expecting this to happen, were you?”

“Since freshman year when we met you, Haley,” Peyton explains patiently, “There’s always been this thing between the two of you. Maybe it’s out of your systems now.”

Maybe his, but not mine.

~*~

“Peyton, I should go,” I sigh into the phone, “Class starts in twenty minutes, and I think I could use another coffee.”

“Yeah, yeah, you addict, you. Call me later, and we can talk this out some more. And quit chewing on your lip, I can practically hear you through the phone.”

I laugh at her. “That makes me sound gross.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll just leave it at that,” she teases, “Have a good day. And call Brooke soon, I think she’s going a little stir crazy.”

“I will. Love you, Peyt.”

“Love you, too, babe.”

We hang up, and I lean back into the couch I’m relaxing on, surprised to see Nathan appear in front of me. “Still love me?” he asks with a pout.

“I always love you, Nathan,” I assure him, “But you are irritating the hell out of me.”

“Gee, I hadn’t noticed.”

“Don’t do that. Make a joke out of everything.” I shake my head at him. “And you can feel free to tell me why you’re being so jerkish any time now.”

“I didn’t think it was that bad,” he sighs.

“Well, it isn’t good. I swear, all you do is go out with the guys. What about me, don’t you miss me?” I plead, grabbing his hand and pulling on him until he’s sitting next to me, “Wouldn’t you rather stay home with me and do…whatever?”

“Haley, basketball is almost over. Maybe for the last time. I just don’t want to miss any opportunities to hang out with my friends.” He glances over at me. “You’re always around, so I figured it wouldn’t matter if we didn’t see each other all the time for awhile.”

I stare at him blankly, trying to think of something to say and a way to say it without biting his head off. “So, what? I’m just something that is of convenience for you? Is that the only reason why we’re together? Because we live together, so it’s just easy for you to sleep with me every night. Excuse me, but I think I need a little more than that.”

He rolls his eyes at me. “I didn’t say that, and I didn’t mean that. Why are you picking fights with me now?”

“Because at least if I do this, you’re here. I’d rather have you here and fighting with me than out at some bar with the boys ogling big boobed blondes.”

“You know you’re the only one I want to ogle.”

“Nathan,” I sigh, looking away.

“Hey, I’d never cheat on you.”

“I know,” I agree, believing him, “But it still sucks you’d rather hang out with people who aren’t me. And I know I’m pouting, but I guess that part of that is because it is almost graduation time, and everything is up in the air.”

“Maybe it isn’t as up in the air as you think.” He glances at his watch. “Crap, babe, I have to go. Got shootaround. Hey, I love you, okay?”

“Yeah, I love you, too,” I tell him, accepting it when he pulls me to him for a kiss. He turns back and waves once he walks away, leaving me lost in my own thoughts.

Not as up in the air as I think? What does that mean?

Chapter 2

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