When Push Comes to Shove
By Brynne
Part 2
“Haley, hello, is Nathan there?” Dan asks, rather politely for him.
“No, he’s out right now, actually, would you like me to ask him to call you?” I ask, equally polite. Dan and I have experienced a thawing in our relationship over the years, but it has never progressed past stiffly formal.
“I’d appreciate it.”
“Not a problem,” I assure him, scribbling Nathan a note that he called as I talk, “He’ll probably be home late tonight, though. Are you coming up for the games in two weeks?”
“I’m not sure yet, but I definitely will if I can get some time off of work. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve made it up there for one,” he sighs.
“Well, don’t tell him I told you this, but I think Nathan would be really happy to see you there,” I offer, not sure why. I owe Dan nothing, but I owe Nathan everything so I guess it evens out. And although there is a relative peace between Dan and me, being so kind to him still leaves a slightly bitter taste in my mouth.
“I – “ he begins, faltering, “I’ll try, I really will.”
“Good,” I say quietly, “Well, I should go study.”
“Okay,” he agrees, “Thank you for telling me that. I’m sure that doing me a favor isn’t really high on your priority list.”
“See, here’s the thing, it isn’t,” I agree with a small smile, “But Nathan is at the top of my priority list, and if it makes him happy, it’s a small thing, right?”
“For you, but I appreciate it greatly. So it is more than that to me. Look, I’ll let you go. Thanks again.”
“You’re welcome.”
Wow, weird. Definitely not as weird as it has been in the past, but still a little uncomfortable for me to be talking to Dan Scott, and in such a pleasant manner, even. For Nathan, though, I’d talk to Dan forever if necessary.
~*~
“Luke, stop,” I whine as he tugs the rubber band out of my hair for the hundredth time today.
“This is not getting us anywhere,” he sighs, sitting down beside me. He and I are co-valedictorians and requested that we give a joint speech at commencement, which we have been trying to write for the last six weeks.
“Couldn’t we just, I don’t know, read a poem or something?”
“That’s kind of gay, Hales,” he remarks, laughing, “Like, we could be so cliché as to read that stupid Dr. Seuss book.”
“Well, I didn’t mean that we should go that mainstream, but Luke, we are running out of time,” I argue, “And we have got to come up with something today!”
“This sucks,” he moans, “We could be at the river with everyone else, but we’re stuck here working on this damn thing. I could be watching Peyton in her bikini.”
“Ew, Luke, I don’t want to think about you mooning over Peyton right now, okay? You need to focus; all you’ve done is complain about my suggestions, and yet you haven’t offered a single one of your own.”
“Well, I don’t have anything to offer,” he sighs, “Everything I’ve thought of has been worse than the shit you’re spewing.”
“Gee, thanks,” I laugh dryly, “It isn’t hard to see why Peyton likes you so much when you talk so sweet like that.”
“Hey, at least she went after the Scott that talks,” he jokes, “You went for Mr. Silent and Stoic, Hales.”
“I did not go for him!” I exclaim, smacking him on the arm, “That just happened, for your information. It wasn’t like I chased him or something.”
“I know,” he nods, “I was just teasing you, Hales. You and Nathan both get so defensive about your relationship that it’s fun to test you guys once in awhile.”
“I’m not defensive,” I argue, knowing that is exactly how I sound right now, “It’s just, I don’t like it when you make erroneous assumptions about how things are.”
“Maybe that’s what we should speechify on!” he suggests with a grin.
“Oh, my God! My sex life? You’re freaking crazy, Lucas Scott!” I yell, shoving him hard in the shoulder, “What are you thinking?”
He cracks up, practically dropping to the floor to roll around. “I didn’t mean that, perv! Jesus, who do you think I am, Nathan?”
I roll my eyes at him. “If that’s not what you meant, then do explain.”
“Geez, touchy much?” he grumbles, sitting up. “Look, so we live in this crazy, fucked up town, right?” I nod. “Why not focus on relationships? We’ve all got some really complicated ones, right? Let’s talk about that.”
“Isn’t that about as clichéd as reading a poem?” I shrug, intrigued by the idea, but not sure if I want to commit to it. Seems like it might be hard to pull off nicely.
“Hey, you can’t bitch at me now, I’m trying to help,” he pouts, “Come on, think about it. You have your relationship with Nathan, which is complicated as hell.”
“Yeah, thanks for pointing that one out,” I glare at him.
“Well, it’s just an example,” he shrugs, “Besides, I have my weird relationships with Dan and Nathan, and I don’t know. I just think that instead of trying to do something too catchy and too impersonal we’ll end boring or no one will remember what we said. If we talk about what we know, we can do it right.”
I hate to admit it because he’s being so annoying, but the man has a point. “If we do it your way, you’ll be less annoying?” I bargain.
“I make no promises,” he laughs, “But I’ll try.”
“Sounds like a plan then,” I smile, thinking that he might have hit upon the absolute best way that the two of us could’ve gone with this.
By the time graduation rolls around, Luke and I have managed to put together what we both feel is a pretty good little speech. We’re both a little nervous about giving it, but we know that it at least has some meaning, and everyone should be able to take a little something away from it.
Lucas and I have to sit on the stage for the duration of the ceremony, which we both think sucks. We’d much be out in the audience with our friends, but no matter how much we pleaded, we were told no, we had to stay on stage with the other presenters.
“You ready?” he whispers to me when Shannon Thompkins and Josh Rodriguez finish up the song they were singing together.
“No, you?” He shakes his head. “Comforting,” I smirk. I glance out at the audience, waving slightly to my parents who are grinning and snapping pictures like this is the last time they’ll ever see me. “Dorks,” I mutter to Luke, who just snickers quietly.
“Well, at least both of them are here,” he points out, “Who knows where Karen is, right?”
After Deb’s death, Luke stopped referring to Karen as his mother, instead referring to Deb as such. It bugged the shit out of Nathan, but it seemed to please Dan and give Luke comfort, so I say more power to him.
“You’re right, I’m an ingrate,” I admit, sighing. I’m still scanning the audience, and when I catch Nathan’s gaze, I blow him a kiss.
“Jesus,” Luke laughs, “Are you two ever going to just go for it?”
“What are you talking about?” I whisper harshly. This is so not the place for him to finally ask that question.
“You two love each other,” he says after a brief pause.
“Right, we’re friends, Luke.” I roll my eyes at him.
“But you’re more than friends. You guys just fit. Neither of you are ever as happy as when you are in each other’s presence. Hell, that might be the only time Nathan is every happy.”
“He’s not as miserable as you think,” I protest, trying to defend him.
“Yeah, Hales, he is. He doesn’t let you see it, though, and you really do improve his mood. But ever since Deb, I mean, Mom, died, he’s been miserable. God, he doesn’t even party or hook up with girls anymore!”
He says it like it is the most appalling thing in the world, that Nathan doesn’t hook up with his sluts anymore. It surprises me to hear this, since Nathan hadn’t said anything regarding his apparently diminished interest in partying, but then again, when does Nathan ever offer things like that up? Seldom to never.
I don’t have a chance to question him on that because the principal calls our names and invites us onto the stage. We are both well-liked students here, and get a lot of applause from the other students and the faculty. Luke grabs my hand as we walk to the podium, squeezing it in support.
We give our speech, and if the audience reaction is anything, it went over well. Nathan even cracked a smile, and I’d know, since I kept my eyes on him the entire time. The rest of the ceremony is a blur, and before I know, we’ve graduated. Peyton runs over to Luke immediately, waving at me briefly as she jumps into his arms. Jake has his daughter in his arms, and Brooke is there with them. On again, I guess. I look around for Nathan, but he seems to have disappeared, so I look for my family.
I finally find them, my mom chattering on the phone with someone while my dad stands by. “Haley!” he cries motioning me over.
“Hi Daddy! Did you like our speech?”
“Yeah, okay, honey. Guess what?” he brushes me off.
I blink in surprise. “Um, what?”
“Your sister is having the baby!”
“Now?”
“No, a week from now, she’s just chosen the date,” my rolls her eyes, “Of course now!” She turns back to her phone conversation.
“Wow, now,” I echo, trying not to feel inconvenienced by this. I mean, I know you can’t choose when to have a baby, but it would’ve been nice to have my parents to myself, at least for one day.
“Isn’t that great?” Dad enthuses, pulling Mom into a hug when she gets off the phone. “Well, we’d better go then!”
“You’re leaving now?” I ask quietly, unsure why I’m so surprised. It’s a baby. Baby trumps graduation, right?
“Honey, this is your sister’s first child. Of course we’re going to be there for it.”
“No, yeah, of course, I know that,” I assure them, trying to smile instead of cry. I feel so alone. Peyton has Luke, and Brooke has Jake and Jenny, which is two more people than I have, and my parents can’t even stick around.
They both give me hugs before they run off, seemingly forgetting that I just graduated high school, which is a milestone in its own right. None of my friends are around, so I go into the ladies room and ditch the cap and gown. I wish Nathan were here, but he seems to have disappeared, too.
“Haley,” a deep voice stops me as I head for my car.
“Mr. Scott,” I greet, turning to face him.
“I would just like to, ah, thank you,” he tells me, drawing a blank look from me, “For being there for Nathan. No one has ever reached him, not really, but you do. It’s interesting.”
He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even wait for an acknowledgement, just turns and leaves. I don’t know what to make of that – hell, I’m not convinced it wasn’t a figment of my imagination. I mean, that would make more sense, right? Because the Dan Scott I know doesn’t thank people. Especially people who are me.
“Tutor Slut!” I hear Brooke screech from behind me. I turn around smiling, happy to finally have someone who is excited about everything and happy to see me. She throws her arms around my neck giving me an exaggerated kiss on the cheek. “Happy graduation!”
“Back atcha!” I laugh, hugging her, “We’re washed up college students now!”
She nods, pulling away. “Well, except me,” she sighs, and I immediately feel bad. She chose not to go to college for at least a year, instead deciding to travel and maybe follow Jake and Jenny to South Carolina, where he’s going to school.
“Oh, Brookie, I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay, you know? This is what I wanted, so I can’t bitch about it. If I hate it, then I can try and enroll somewhere later.”
“Exactly,” I try and smile.
“Plus, I’ll be able to visit both you and Peyton whenever I want this way,” she points out with a grin, “And it doesn’t get much better than that!”
“No, of course not,” I grin, “How could it?” She laughs, and I sigh, wanting to ask her something. “How do you do it? Be so able to take risks, I mean.”
“It isn’t a risk for me,” she sighs, “A risk would have been cutting myself off completely from Jake and Jenny. I’m not ready to do that. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that. It’s the coward’s way out.”
I smile at her. “You’re a whole lot of things, Brooke Davis, but coward is not one of them. You forget how long I’ve known you now – four years,” I remind her, “And I remember that you wanted to go to UCLA and be a cheerleader there. And I know that would be a thousand times easier for you because it is your sure thing.”
She looks down at the ground. “It is scary,” she finally confides, “I mean, Jake and I are so up in the air all the time, even when things are going well, and then Jenny! I don’t want to let Jenny get attached to me because I’m afraid Jake will see that I’m not right for them, so I don’t let her get too close, which I think turns him off because he knows I’m not entirely comfortable. But it isn’t the reason he thinks! I’m just trying to protect her!”
“You should tell him that,” I sigh, “Brooke, he loves you. We all know that. And I bet he’d understand that a lot better than he understands why you’d keep her – and him – at arm’s length.”
“I’ll tell Jake if you tell Nathan,” she counters, and before I can question her on that, his voice sounds behind us.
”Tell me what?”
Brooke grins at me as I turn around to face Nathan, blinking in surprise. “And that’s my cue to leave,” she announces, “But Haley, I think you’re right. I think I’m right, too, though, and you should look into taking your own advice.”
Nathan just stares at me, the question in his eyes. “Has she been drinking already?”
Despite myself, I laugh. “Not that I’m aware of,” I grin at him, “So, congratulations. You sure took off quickly.”
He shrugs, “No reason to stay around, right? It isn’t like my dad wants Luke and me posing for pictures in front of the class sign, Haley.”
“You could hang out with your friends,” I point out with a shrug, not really caring much at this point. It isn’t like my parents are around anyway.
“All of my friends are doing family shit,” he reasons, “Or in Luke’s case, doing their girlfriends. Speaking of families, where’re your parents?”
I bite my lip, afraid if I tell him they left to run to my sister’s side that one, I’ll cry, and two, sound like a selfish baby for being upset about them leaving.
“Marie is having her baby today,” I tell him, shrugging like it doesn’t matter, “She went into labor, and they barely had time to find me after the ceremony to tell me they were leaving.”
“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely, patting me on the shoulder, “I know you wanted them here for all of this.”
I shrug. “I guess it doesn’t matter, right? It’s just graduation.”
“That’s my line,” he chuckles.
“Guess I learned from the best, Nathan,” I grin, letting him pull me against him.
“Yeah, I am the best,” he agrees, cocky as ever, “It’s about time you realized that Haley James. I’ve been telling you forever.”
“Oh, don’t I know it?” I smirk, clamping my mouth shut when a gorgeous blonde girl comes over to stand in front of Nathan, ignoring me entirely.
“You ready to go, Natey?” Natey? Ew, I can’t believe he’s letting her call that. Even smiling back dopily. Is this upside down day?
”Yeah, Brandy, let’s go,” he agrees, openly staring at her exaggeratedly large chest. High school students and breast augmentation, how classy. He waves at me without looking as they walk off together.
“Happy graduation, Haley,” I sigh to myself, feeling like a fool standing alone here while everyone around me is happy and celebrating. I don’t even have a car here, so I’m going to be stuck walking. Although, that’s actually an upside since that means I won’t have to talk to anyone for awhile.
By the time I get home, it is nearly dark. I hurry to get ready for the party that Brooke and Peyton have informed me I’ll be attending tonight. I honestly don’t mind that much, at least I’ll be around people and be able to get my mind off of Nathan and my parents all leaving me today.
I hear Brooke the second she gets here – how could I not? A louder person does not exist on this planet, which is funny because Jake is one of the quietest guys that I know. Somehow they made all that work. Opposites attract for Brooke. Hell, probably everything attracts to Brooke, opposites or not.
“Oh, look at you, Haley James!” she cheers as she gets a load of my outfit, “Where did you get that?”
“It’s my sister’s,” I admit, looking in the mirror again. I’m definitely nervous about the outfit I have on. It is the tiniest halter top ever invented, basically held together by strings of dental floss, paired with the tightest pair of jeans I’ve ever worn. Surprisingly, they’re soft and comfortable, and it is easy to forget that everyone will get a good idea of what my ass looks like tonight.
“What happened?” she asks quietly. It’s times like this that I know I will really miss Brooke in the fall.
“I thought he’d hang out with me,” I shrug, trying to seem indifferent about it, “But some bleach blonde bimbo came over and he ran along after her panting like the dog that he is.”
“He just left you there alone at graduation?” she asks, sounding surprised, “Did he know you were alone?”
I nod. “I mean, it’s okay, though, it wasn’t like we’d said we’d hang out.”
“He’s an ass,” she decides, “But when he gets a load of your ass tonight, I bet he’s singing a different tune. This outfit is going to drive him out of his tiny little pea-sized mind!”
I roll my eyes at her. “We don’t even know if he’ll be there. And even if he is, this outfit has nothing to do with him.” She just smirks at me, daring me to continue with that lie. “Okay, fine, maybe it has a little bit to do with him.”
She shifts from side to side, clearly contemplating whether or not she should say what she wants to say now. “Look, I – maybe it’s time you just forgot about Nathan altogether. I mean, I know he’s your best friend, but this thing is starting to seem unhealthy.”
I want to tell her to shut it, tell her that she just doesn’t understand, tell her that Nathan and I just have a complicated relationship, but I can’t. What’s the point? I know she’s right, and she knows she’s right. And we both know the other knows. Why lie now?”
“Yeah, maybe it is,” I agree, though it pains me to say it, “I guess I don’t do well with strings-free affairs, huh?”
She smiles kindly at me. “Of course you don’t, you have a good heart, Hales. And Nathan, I’m not saying he has a bad heart, but he has a really confused one. A dark one, maybe.”
“It’s just hard, though. Since his mom died, I’m the only one he’ll really talk to,” I note, and she nods in awareness, “But you’re right, I can’t put my hopes on him. Maybe I do need some time away from him.”
“Maybe you should start tonight,” she suggests, “Face it, Haley, he’s going to show up at the party, and when he does, he’s going to find you. And then he’ll want you to leave with him.”
I nod. She’s right, it always happens that exact way. Nathan shows up fashionably late, usually because he had a date, code word for fuck session, beforehand, and then he comes in, plays God and mingles with the little people for a few, and then gives me the nod and we leave. Just like that, every time. And I sleep with him. No, heh. No sleeping involved. I fuck him. Whenever he wants me to, I’m there. And that’s pathetic.
“Oh, my God,” I breathe out, feeling nauseous, “How did I let myself become ‘that’ girl, Brooke? I was never her, never that girl, and now I am. I’m his fuck buddy, his slut!”
“No, you aren’t!” she protests, “You just – you’re misguided. You love him. And that’s not wrong, to want to be with someone you love. But you do let him use you, too. And that’s what I hate to see, because it hurts you. And I love you and don’t want you hurt.”
“Thanks, Brookie,” I smile, reaching out to hug her, “I needed to hear that tonight.”
She pushes a strand of hair off my face. “I know, it was time. I’ve been waiting, you know, until I figured you’d be ready to hear it.”
I laugh at this. “Yeah, thanks for that. You know, you’re good at this kind of stuff, you should give yourself more credit.”
She shakes her head. “No way, it will ruin my reputation for badass slut.”
“You haven’t had that rep since you started dating Jake two years ago,” I counter, laughing, “I mean, that you used to sleep around is more of a rumor than anything else in school. It’s like an urban legend: people hear the stories, but no one really believes them.”
“I wonder who Jake had to buyoff to get the rumors calmed down to mere urban legends?” she muses.
I laugh. “I’m sure no one. You’re just not like that anymore, Brooke.” I glance in the mirror again, using my fingers to comb out my curls to gentle waves. “Come on, let’s go before I realize this isn’t a shirt I’m wearing, but a few strategically place strings.”
“Hot looking strings,” she laughs, “But yeah, let’s go, Peyt is probably waiting outside for us by now. You know how patience isn’t her greatest virtue.”
We head down the stairs laughing, and now that I’ve made a decision, I do feel better. It isn’t one I can say I’m happy to have made because it does hurt, but at the same time, I needed to make this decision. And it is a relief that I finally have.
Peyton is indeed waiting for us, glaring as we careen down the walkway, giggling like morons. She’s about to yell at us when she sees my shirt. “Holy dental floss, Batman!” she whistles, “God, Nathan and Luke will want to lock you in a room tonight.”
“Well, too fucking bad for them,” Brooke counters, “Haley and I are going to have a bitching time showing off her new threads. And I do mean thread.”
“How are you going to help me show this off?” I wonder aloud, “It seems like a one woman job. You know, we both can’t wear the shirt, right?”
She laughs. “I’ll be your wing-girl tonight,” she grins, “I will help you hook up with whatever guy you want.”
“What if she doesn’t want to hook up?” Peyton asks, “And beside, it isn’t like a challenge to get Nathan Scott into bed.”
“Nathan has been retired from her list of options,” Brooke announces proudly, “Just a few minutes ago.”
“It’s cute and not all irritating how you guys talk about me like I’m not even here,” I grumble, glaring over at them. We’re all crammed in the front seat of Peyt’s car, none of us wanting to sit in the back.
Peyton smiles at me, shrugging. “I just wanted to hear the facts,” she laughs, “Leave it to Brooke to pretend to be the sober voice of reason for an afternoon.”
“What do you think?” I ask her as Brooke whips out her cell phone, I’m sure to call Jake.
“I think it’s a good idea. I know that Nathan isn’t a bad guy, Haley, but I also know that he’s still not anywhere near being good enough for you.” She smiles again. “And you know what, most of all? I’m glad that this means that you’ll hopefully be sad less and less of the time now.”
“Thanks, Peyton, I appreciate that,” I grin.
“Well, you should,” she laughs, zooming us around a corner so fast we all slide against me.
“Jesus,” Brooke barks, “Are you trying to kill us, Sawyer?”
“Just keeping you on your toes,” Peyton laughs back, “Someone’s got to do it, right?”
“Freak,” Brooke mutters under her breath, “Maniac.”
Peyt and I just roll our eyes at each other and laugh. “There’s a pint of tequila in the dash if you want it,” she offers me, “And no, I haven’t had any, thank you very much.”
“I never would’ve asked,” I laugh, knowing that while reckless, Peyton isn’t downright stupid and careless.
I pull the bottle out, and chug as much as I can stand, which is only a shot or two. By the time I pull the bottle from my lips, I’m choking on the fiery liquid. “Don’t make me give you Heimlich,” Brooke, always the queen of helping others, shouts out.
“I’m fine,” I gasp, taking another sip. If I’m going to have fun tonight, I might as well have a little liquid courage to go with it.
We pull up to the sprawling beach house of one of our classes sniveling little rich kids who has apparently decided to stick it to Mommy and Daddy one last time. Uh, not that I’m complaining. There are definite perks that these ingrate brats have to offer, right?
By the time we get in the house, I’ve down a good portion of the tequila, and my body is alive with the warmth it provides. And it definitely helps to have the liquor in me now that people besides Peyton and Brooke are seeing this top – I’m receiving more than a few stares as Brooke looks on proudly and Peyt looks on nervously.
Brooke loops her arm through mine, pulling me towards the bar, I presume. “Come on, Sawyer,” she yells over her shoulder, causing Peyton to roll her eyes as she starts to follow us. I give her a grateful smile when she catches up and hooks her arm through my free one. It isn’t that I don’t trust Brooke, but Peyton is a lot more sensible when it comes to things like revenge and getting wild.
“Where’s Luke?” I ask Peyton as Brooke drags us along.
She shrugs. “Said he had something to do. I figured it was with Nathan and Dan, but apparently not,” she trails off.
“If he’s doing what Nathan is doing right now, I’ll kick his ass for you. And then for myself,” I grin at her.
“Thanks,” she laughs, “Always good to know you’ve got my back, Hales.”
“Would you two quit yammering on and doing that girly bonding thing?” Brooke snaps, “This night is not supposed to be about that. We have all summer for that. This is for finding Haley a perfect specimen to spend the night – and maybe longer – with!”
“How’d this night turn into ‘The Bachelorette’?” Jake asks, appearing out of nowhere.
“Jakey!” Brooke yells, throwing her arms around and kissing him like she hasn’t seen him weeks. They get so touchy that Peyton and I both have to look elsewhere.
When they finally break apart, he looks between the three of us. “Again, I ask, what spurred this interest in males that aren’t Nathan Scott?” Jake teases me.
I shrug, so Brooke jumps in. “She’s wised up. She has seen that there are other fishies in the sea, and we are going to find her the finest fish. No, the finest dolphin! Yes, we will find her a dolphin among mere fish.”
Peyton and I look at her like she’s crazy, which she very well could be, but Jake just gets a fond smile on his face and pulls her closer to him. “Oh, you two are so cute I could start painting flowers and kittens instead of skulls and distorted faces.”
We all laugh at that, and when Jake tries to drag Brooke out on the dance floor, she shakes him off. “Sorry, babe, I’m wing-woman tonight. So, you’re flying solo,” she grins at him.
Peyton’s right – they are so cute it could make you puke. Jake pouts at her cutely, and she presses kisses all over his face. Peyton makes gagging noises, and I can’t stop myself from laughing at it all. This is fun, being with these people, my friends, and just being a goof.
“Okay, I’m outta here. I heard there’s a pool table in the basement,” Jake relents finally, “Haley, you, uh, might want to get a jacket or something. I know its June, but you could get frostbite in that shirt!”
“Hey!” Brooke cries, “You are the one guy who isn’t supposed to notice that shirt!”
“How could I not?” he winks, making his exit while he still can.
“Ugh, boys,” Brooke bitches, mostly to herself.
“So, are we going to get this meat market underway or what?” Peyton questions, wiggling her eyebrows to make sure we get her bad pun.
“Yes, we are,” Brooke grins, “Okay, you two stay here. No, wait. Haley, get drinks. Peyton, you come with me, I’ll need your help. Hales, meet us out on the back deck in five!”
There’s a back deck? God, why do I have such a bad feeling about this?
The second I find the back deck, ten minutes later than ordered, I realize exactly why I had such a bad feeling. Brooke has got at least fifteen guys – all surprisingly hot – lined up, shirtless, with Peyton writing numbers on their chests. Oh, this is not going to end well.
“And there’s the woman of the hour!” she shouts, waving to me. Other people are crowding around, some sitting on the edge of the pool opposite where we are, some on the balconies above us, and some looking out from the windows and doorways looking out towards the deck. “Come over here, Haley, and make yourself comfortable.”
Peyton gives me a pained look, but continues painting the numbers on the few remaining guys’ chests, obviously doing Brooke’s bidding. A still shirted guy comes over and takes the drinks I’ve got from me, and leads me to a cushy chaise lounge. Oh, the embarrassment. The humiliation. But it is still better than being dragged off by Mr. Fuck and Run again. Yes, it is.
My face turns beet red when two guys stand over me fanning me with giant feathers. There were freaking giant feathers in this house. Of course there were, Brooke probably scoped things out and planted them beforehand. One of the guys is staring blatantly at my chest, but the alcohol is seriously diminishing the urge to kick him in the shin.
“Okay, listen up, everybody!” Brooke screams at the top of her lungs, “We are playing a little game here tonight! We are treating everyone to a special round or two of ‘The Bachelorette’ starring Tree Hill’s very own Miss Haley James! Stand up and take a bow, Hales!”
Glaring at her, I stand up and wave before sitting back down quickly. There are a shit ton of catcalls, so many that I actually look down to make sure everything is where it should be.
“Alrighty, then,” Brooke continues, “Now, let’s get on with this. Here are the rules. Sawyer over there, who is taking her sweet, sweet time painting those pecs, and I get 2/3 of the say in who Haley ends up with tonight.” Oh, my God, I’m their prostitute. They are pimping me out. Huuuu-millll-eeee-aaaation.
Peyton enjoys the shout out and waves to the crowd. “Thank you, thank you, the line for painted pecs starts thataway,” she points, giving an exaggerated wink. Am I the only one thinking this will end in disaster?
“Okay!” Brooke continues enthusiastically, “So Peyt and I get 2/3 of the say, and you all, our lovely audience, gets the other 1/3 of the say in which of these strapping hunks Haley gets to call her own!”
What about my say? I’m so tempted to pout over this, but that wouldn’t do. It’s just a silly game, so I settle back on my elbows – even thrust my boobs out a little - to watch the festivities. I down a few of the drinks that the – what are they? – feather boys, I guess, have brought me, knowing I’m going to seriously need to loosen up to enjoy this mess.
“Okay, contestant number one, come on down!” Brooke giggles, waving down a guy that I have to admit is one of the finest members of the male species I’ve ever seen. Blonde hair, green eyes you could get lost in, and muscles that won’t quit. “Oh, I have to tell everyone what the first competition is! It’s muscle poses!”
The girls in the crowd go crazy hooting and hollering, and even Peyton pretends to fan herself. I can’t help but begin to enjoy this. It is too much of a train wreck not to, right?
“Here’s how this will work,” Brooke continues, grabbing a drink out of the hand of a passerby, “I’ll call your number, you’ll come down and tell us your name and a few of your interests, and then you’ll walk that little makeshift runway of the pool bridge and do your posing in front of Miss Haley’s chair. Everybody clear?”
All the contestants nod. God, I hope they don’t really think they’re getting something out of this. Like me on my back in the guy’s whose house this is little sister’s room or something. Yuck. They go through round one, and then Peyton and Brooke, along with audience participation, make the first cuts, dropping it down to seven guys still in the running.
And if I thought round one was bad, round two is worse. So much worse. I’ll be singing humiliation for the rest of my life after this. That’s right, round two is strip teases. For me. I feel like a cross between a hooker getting pimped now, and a pathetic virgin who can’t get a date so her friends buy her one. How lame am I? And I’m drunk enough that my thoughts are slurring in my head, but even I still realize how lame this makes me seem!
I notice Peyton waving furiously at someone, and I glance behind me to see that Luke has arrived, and that Jake is there talking to him, probably explain what the freak show is going on here. I turn away, not needing to make eye contact with anyone during this process. Someone might turn to stone. And, ew, I’m twelve tonight, because even that was dirty.
“Okay, okay, okay!” Brooke shouts, jumping up and down, “Let’s get this started! Music, Geoff!”
Geoff, I guess, turns the music on, which is this hip-hoppish porn sounding thing, which is sadly appropriate. The first guy, number six, whose name I can’t remember, approaches me, running hands over his chest in a manner I’m sure he thinks is enticing. I can hear Brooke and Peyton leading the catcalls, and it is all I can do not to cover my face with my hands. Some girl from my math class runs over, and shoves a wad of ones in my hand. What am I supposed to – oh, I get it. Great. Haley the whore, shoving onesies in the waistbands of guys she barely knows! Woo!
Gingerly, I do as the crowd encourages, and slide one of the crisp bills between the elastic and his skin. He winks at me, and I think he knows that this is just a game, but I don’t know. This is so fucking skewed. And so it goes on, just like that, with each of the remaining seven guys wiggling their asses – or worse – in my face. I think some of these guys actually have real training at this. They seem to know what they’re doing.
It gets a little out of hand, and one of the guys actually drops his drawers completely, exposing himself to me and everyone else here. Brooke must’ve instructed the feather boys on this before this all started, because both are quick to grab him by the arms and toss first him, and then his clothes, into the pool. I am actually so relieved they did that, that I smile gratefully at them.
The final round, cut down to three guys, features Brooke and Peyton asking them a series of questions, so they can decide if they’re worthy of me or not. I tune out for the majority of this, since I don’t have to worry about getting hit in the head with a t-shirt or some guy waving his barely covered dick in my face.
I drink some more, though, because hey, that’s got to be a good choice to make when you’re already had enough that you allow yourself to participate – no, be front and center in – a freak show. Before I know it, Brooke is standing on the bridge that crosses the pool, ready to announce the winner. Peyton comes over to me and pulls me up, and drags me over to the bridge.
“Smile,” she whispers, “The guys dig you when you smile.”
“This is creepy, Peyt!” I whisper, forcing the fakest smile and the fakest tone of voice I can manage, “That guy was naked! Naked! In front of everyone here!”
She laughs, “I know, I saw! But come on, it’s almost over! And we’ve picked a good winner for you, I promise!”
Gee, great, the one who looks like he stepped directly off a Greek isle, but is dumb as a box of hair? Or maybe it is the overly muscle bound motorcycle man with the ‘I heart Mama’ tattoo? He seemed like a winner. I didn’t even pay attention to the third one – there is no way he could be worse than the other two.
Brooke wraps her arm around my shoulder, squeezing until I realize she wants me to smile, and I paste one on. “Okay, this is it! The moment we have all been waiting for! The winner is – “
“What the fuck is going on here?”
Nathan. Shit. Oh, shit. I wonder if anyone would noticed if I jumped off the bridge and into the pool. Yes, of course they would. Shit. What do I do? He’s going to give me such shit about this, I can already see the disapproving look on his face. No one responds to him, but a hush falls over the crowd.
“I said, what the fuck is going on here?” he asks again, his voice tighter and angrier now.
“What does it look?” Brooke snaps, dropping her arm from around me to shove him back off the bridge, “Now, get out of here and let us finish our game, Nathan!”
“I should’ve known you’d be behind something this stupid, Brooke. What the hell were you thinking, getting her involved in this shit?” he growls at her before turning to look at me, “Haley, come here. Now.”
Wow. And just when I was beginning to think he was the more rational option, the wiser option, even if he meant a major sacrifice of self-respect, he talks to me like a child. No, better. He orders me around like I’m a child. Oh, the nerve. The blatant, cocky nerve.
Defiantly, I turn away from him, trying desperately to focus my attention on the three guys that are waiting impatiently for the game to resume. “Brooke, come on, let’s finish this up,” I urge her, grabbing her back by the waistband of her jeans, “I want to know who I’ve won.” She looks at me in surprise. “Come on,” I push again.
“Good girl,” she whispers, squeezing my hand. I can distinctly feel the heat of Nathan’s gaze on my back, and it is a fight to ignore it. “Okay, the winner of the win a date with Haley James contest is…..David!”
The guy I hadn’t paid any attention to who is clearly David, grins at me and steps forward, his arms open wide to hug me. At the last second, he blanches and steps back. I look behind me and find Nathan, arms crossed over his chest, legs spread in an obvious intimidation pose.
“You’re a real piece of shit,” Peyton snarls to him, “Why don’t you just let her have some fun for a change? God knows you’re out there getting enough fun of your own.”
“Mind your own fucking business, Peyton!” he yells at her, causing Brooke to jump in between them, shoving at Nathan again. “Both of you just back off right now. This is between Haley and me, not either of you.”
Oh, my God. Well, this has gone from bad to worse in a considerably short amount of time. Luke and Jake push their way past me, each giving me a sympathetic look as they rush by to get between Nathan and the girls. I give them small smiles in return, and while no one is paying attention, walk off. Tonight was supposed to be different. It started out that way, and while it wasn’t the most comfortable thing I’d ever done, at least Nathan wasn’t there raining on my parade.
And really, how dare he come out here and try and dictate what I can and can’t do? This is none of his business, I’m none of his business!
It’s a short walk down to the beach, and while there are a few pockets of people out here, it is way quieter than the house would be. And that’s what I want right now, a little quiet. I love my friends, all of them, and I appreciate the things, however misguided, they do for me, but right now I just need to be alone.
“Haley!” God, why did he follow me? I don’t answer, just keep walking. Not that something like that would deter him. Oh, no, he just yells at me again and starts jogging to catch up.
“Get the fuck away from me, Nathan,” I hiss when he touches my arm. He looks so confused that I just want to smack some sense back into him.
“Haley, what’s the matter with you?”
“With me? With ME?” I repeat, incredulous, “My God, you are the most self-centered, egotistical jerk I’ve ever met!”
He stares at me like grew horns and am holding a pitchfork. “Calm down, Haley. I was just getting you out of a situation you couldn’t handle.”
“I was handling it just fine, for your information,” I spit at him, “I was having some fun, with my friends, all of which you ruined by coming in and being a raging jerk. So typical of you, not letting me have any fun.”
“Haley, they had you up there like a piece of meat on display! You can’t tell me that you liked being treated like that!”
“Maybe I did,” I shrug noncommittally, “Maybe it was nice to have guys looking at me in appreciation for a change.”
“Yeah, that’s the kind of appreciation you want, Haley,” he snarks on me, “You really want classless guys like that eye-fucking you all night and picturing what you look like under that shirt, although it is so slutty they barely have to imagine, right? Was that the idea?”
“Get away from me,” I whisper, hurt that he’s saying these things, hurt that he’s treating me like I’m any other girl he’d take to his car to screw.
“Does the truth hurt, Haley?” he taunts, “Does it hit a little close to home? What did you think would happen? Those guys would go to all that trouble of playing Brooke’s stupid, fucking game and then just shrug and walk away after they won? Fuck that, they wouldn’t do that. Not when you’re putting yourself out there like you’re for sale.”
This time I don’t bother trying to think of something to say. Because what’s left? He just called me a whore. I could tell him that he made me this way, but that wouldn’t go over well, and frankly, there is no fight left in me. Not for this, not for him.
“You’re going to walk away? Mature,” he snaps, “That’s just fantastic. You be a little baby, run home and get your cookies and warm milk.”
“Leave me alone, Nathan.”
“I don’t even know what to say to you anymore,” he spits out, “You’re such an immature child. Is this because I left with Brandy today? Is that what your problem is?”
I roll my eyes at him. “What if it was, Nathan? Can you blame me for being sick and tired of being your sloppy seconds? Because I can’t.”
“You have it all wrong, Haley,” he begins, “I’m just watching out for you. Trying to keep you out of trouble.”
I stop, realizing that there are a few things he needs to hear. “I’m not your property, Nathan Scott. You don’t get to treat me like I’m a piece of real estate that you screw whenever you have need of a place to stay. I’m not a whore, and you don’t get to call me one, not when you bounce from bed to bed like a jumping bean on crack. And I am not your responsibility, so set aside whatever misplaced sense of honor you have, and leave me alone.”
He stares at me, and as I walk past him, he moves to grab me. I level a look so cold on him, though, that he stops and pulls back his hand, letting me pass.
And of course he’s the one I’ll be stuck bumping into on campus in the fall. Go freaking figure.
~*~
“Haley?” Nathan yells from the bathroom, “Do we still have to go to that stupid dinner next week?”
“Stupid? Nathan, it’s for the children’s center. The children’s center that I’ve been a part of designing and fundraising for since the idea came about three years ago! Of course we’re still going, are you crazy?”
“It’s gonna suck, right? Be boring and long and hot in there?”
When he comes out, I stare at him, annoyed. “If you don’t want to go, you could’ve said something sooner. I’d have found someone else, someone actually interested, to take your ticket.”
“Well, come on, Haley, you know this isn’t going to be fun. We won’t even be able to spend time together there.”
I roll my eyes. “Like that is so high on your priority list these days,” I mutter, glaring at him, “If you don’t want to go, don’t. I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore.”
“Anymore? What does that mean?”
“I don’t know, it means that you seem to have no interest in anything I do these days! And yeah, I know that some of your enthusiasm has always been feigned, but come on, it’s like pulling teeth to even get you to pretend to listen when I talk about my day!”
He glances up at me. “Hey, don’t forget, final game of my college career is in two weeks. Look extra cute, we’ll probably take pictures afterward,” he advises, walking out of the room. He didn’t even acknowledge that I’d been saying things, with words, to him.
That burns. This is the lowest thing that man has done to me in ages, and I’m about ready to kick his ass. The thing is, what am I kicking it for? Because aloof and dopey, or is something else going on? Something I might not want to know about.
~*~
College was sublime. It really was everything I expected it to be and more. I missed my friends, more than that they’ll ever know, but we talked enough that it was bearable. Brooke called at least once a day, and Peyton and I spoke every few days, but emailed frequently. Even Jake and Luke were fairly good at keeping touch.
The only person I don’t talk to anymore is Nathan, surprise, surprise. I’ve seen him around a few times, always from a distance, and I don’t think he spotted me. He’s actually in one of my classes, but it is a big civics lecture class, and he sits in the middle with some of his basketball buddies, so I figure that as long as I sit behind him, he’ll never see me.
And he doesn’t. Doesn’t notice me, that is. Maybe I’ve got a superpower, namely invisibility, and I just hadn’t realized yet. Nope, don’t think so. God, what a waste. And why do I want him to notice me anyway? I’ve got some awesome new friends here, I’ve got some beyond amazing old friends who would do anything for me, and I don’t need him. I have lots of fun, and I’m getting straight As so for this semester. I don’t need him.
But I can’t stop thinking about him, wishing he’d notice me. Wishing he’d say something, even smile at me. Maybe a wave would be acceptable. But it doesn’t come. It’s November already, the first semester of our freshman year nearly over. And I haven’t talked to him since June.
It shouldn’t matter anymore because so much time has passed, and I’ve survived without him. Hell, I’ve thrived. I’ve become inexplicably popular here, having been assigned a dorm room to share with a girl on the cheer squad. Lucy and I hit it off from the first second we noticed that we both had the exact same teddy bear. And now she’s trying to get me to join the squad. She doesn’t understand two things about me yet: one, I am hopelessly uncoordinated, and two, I refuse to partake in an activity that puts me near Nathan Scott. Not that anyone here knows anything about my connections to Nathan.
And that’s why I’m going to yet another football party with Lucy tonight. She swears up and down that the basketball parties are more fun, which I believe – this is a basketball school after all – but I always decline those invites. I’m sure it wouldn’t bother me in the least, but I don’t need to go out of my way to see Nathan with some stupid blonde slut hanging all over him.
When class ends, I’m responding to a text message that Lucy sent me, and I don’t really pay attention as everyone exits. I’m usually first out the door to avoid being seen by you-know-who, but her description of our friend Anna drooling in class amuses me enough that I get distracted waiting for her next message.
Her next message informs me that I’m going with them to the basketball party tonight, and that she wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. I text her back, asking what happened to the football party. As I’m shoving my book in my bag, I glance up and see him. Him.
He just stands there, in front of me. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me like he wants to, like maybe he still wants me. Or maybe I have an overly hopeful and active imagination. Either way. I don’t know what to do, and almost drop my phone when it vibrates with another message. Not knowing what else to do, I look at it, seeing that the parties have merged. Great, just great. So now I either go and run the risk of seeing him again, or stay home like a dork.
When I remember Nathan is standing here, I look up, finding him looking decidedly amused. “What?” I snap childishly, well before I can stop myself.
He looks at me for a second before starting to walk away. “Nothing, absolutely nothing,” he mutters.
God, after all this time, two things occur – I still want him, and he is still an asshole. And I miss him, a lot, as a friend. And as more than a friend. And no wonder things blew up, I wanted him to be everything to me, when all he wanted was an easy lay. Guess I served that purpose.
I sit back down in my chair, watching silently as everyone else files out. Once the room is empty, I let a few tears slip out as I turn my phone off. I don’t know if I can deal with the possibility of running into Nathan again. It’s too awkward, too uncomfortable. I just don’t really feel like dealing with that.
I brush the tears away and walk resolutely out of the room, nearly tripping over his foot. I groan as he helps steady me.
“You seriously can’t talk to me at all?” he asks, staring intently at me.
“I don’t know what the point would be, Nathan,” I admit, “This is just – too much happened, and we’re both probably too busy to fix it.”
“You don’t want to,” he sighs, “You’d rather shut me out forever?”
“What difference does it make?” I question him, growing flustered, “It isn’t like you’ve been so dying to talk to me any time the last five months. You could’ve gotten in contact with me if you’d wanted. Since you didn’t, I think it is safe to assume that wasn’t a priority.”
He grabs my arm. “Uh uh, you aren’t walking away this time. Not until we get a few things straightened out.”
“Nathan, stop,” I mutter, trying to wrench my arm away, and then blatantly lie to his face, “Let me go. I have to meet some friends in a few minutes.”
“Right now, I don’t care,” he snaps at me, “What happened that night? Why’d you suddenly decide you didn’t want me in your life?”
I shake my head at him. “You have such a selective memory it is amazing you get even decent grades,” I sigh, “Look, that’s not how it happened. I was having fun with my friends, and you came up and ruined it. You made me feel like I was – like I was – “ God, I can’t even say the word without almost crying.
He steps in front of me. “I’m sorry, I know you aren’t like that, Haley.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I sigh, “It happened, it’s over, let’s just move on.”
“Move on,” he mutters bitterly, “Move on from what? Our friendship? You know, you’re just another liar, Haley James.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, no retort rushing to my lips.
“You told me it wouldn’t be weird, you told me you’d always be your friend,” he whispers, “You told me it wouldn’t matter, nothing would change that. But it was a lie. Yet another lie.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t know what would happen when I made that promise,” I sigh, “And I didn’t intend to break it. But you – you hurt me, Nathan.”
“You said no-strings! I thought it was no-strings, Haley!” he fairly yells, “What was I supposed to think? Was I supposed to ask for reassurance each time I slept with you that you wouldn’t freak out on me?”
“That’s what you think this is about?” I ask, hurt, “You have no idea, Nathan. None. You are clueless.”
“Then tell me!” he exclaims, exasperation seeping into his tone, his posture, “Tell me what your damn problem is!”
“This – this is my problem, Nathan. You talk to me like I’m some little kid that you have to patronize and pat on the head. Well, guess what, I’m not. And you don’t have to take care of me, you don’t have to try and run my life. I’m capable of doing that myself.”
He stares at me for a minute. “That is really it? Because I thought it wasn’t a good idea for you to be parading around in that poor excuse for a shirt in front of a hundred and fifty horny boys? I was trying to look out for you.”
”No, you were trying to run my life!” I argue, “Again. Nathan, I – you’re my friend, and you really matter to me. But you said some vicious things that night, and it hurt. And you didn’t try to take them back, you just left them there. They’re still there.”
“I’m sorry,” he offers, sincerity in his eyes. I nod, trying to move around him. “Don’t go, Haley, please. You know what today is, right?”
It doesn’t hit me at first, but then I realize that it is the anniversary of Deb’s death. “Oh, Nathan, I’m so sorry, I hadn’t realized.”
“I don’t really want to be alone today.”
It takes a minute for me to pick up on his hints. “You want me to hang out?” I offer, albeit weakly, “If we get coffee, I wouldn’t mind too much.”
He smiles, and it seems genuine. “Yeah, I don’t want to emotionally blackmail you into it, but…that seems like the only way you will, so yeah, I do. Hang out with me. Help me get my mind off of it.”
I nod. “I’ve got all afternoon, but I have to meet my friends for dinner at 6,” I let him know, “But I’d be glad to hang out, Nathan. Come on, let’s get coffee.”
I start to drag him off in the general direction of the closest Starbucks, but he puts his hand over mine, stopping me. “Hang on a second, I need to – to compose myself.”
I blink in surprise, but he looks so sincere when he says that, so I don’t question it, just nod and wait. When he’s ready, he takes my hand and we start walking through campus. How does he do it? After damn near six months of complete hostility, at least on my end, I spend six minutes with him, and he’s already holding my hand? Unbelievable.
And it is like really hand holding, too. Like, fingers intertwined, his thumb rubbing over the back of my knuckles. I can’t even look at him for fear I’ll blurt out something stupid.
“So, how do you like school?” he asks.
I smile. “I love it. It is so freaking amazing here, Nathan. My roommate is awesome, my classes are great, and it’s just fun.” I risk peaking at him. “What about you? How’s basketball?”
He groans. “Kicking my ass. And Dad is riding my ass about it all the time. But he’s an equal opportunity ass rider, though, because it sounds like Luke is getting it, too.”
I bump my shoulder into his. “Want me to kick Dan’s ass for you, then?” I tease, “You know I could do it. I think he’s a little afraid of me since that dinner scene on your birthday.”
He squeezes my hand. “I was a little afraid of you after that. But then I was just turned on,” he winks, and I look away, blushing.
These are the things I need him to not be saying now. I need him to not draw attention to the really great sex that I’m no longer having with him, or anyone for that matter. And it would also help if he wasn’t so dang sweet and cute and melt-worthy sexy when he says and does everything.
“How was your birthday?” I ask, having missed it, of course, while ignoring his existence. I’d marked the day by holing up in my dorm room and reading, kind of ignoring everyone but Peyton, who knew.
“Sucked and blew,” he shrugs, “I missed my cake. It really sucked not having you around for my birthday, Haley. I missed you.”
“Aw, no cake? Poor baby,” I smile, “You should’ve asked your girlfriend, I’m sure she’d have made you one if you wanted.”
He drops my hand looking at me strangely. “Girlfriend? I don’t have a girlfriend. Why would you think that?”
I shrug, noticing how upset he apparently is that I’d think that. “I’m sorry, I just assumed. I shouldn’t have.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” he agrees, “It’s just me. No girlfriend, no girls as friends, no fuck buddies, nothing. Just me.”
I don’t really know what to say to this declaration. It isn’t any of my business, and I kind of resent that he’s not trying to make it so that it is. Granted, mentioning the girlfriend word was kind of a way of fishing to see if he has one or not, but I wasn’t really trying to upset. Just find out if there was anyone serious.
“Why do you always expect the worst out of me?” he asks after a few minutes of silence.
“I – I – don’t, Nathan.”
“Sure you do,” he counters, “You assume I have a girlfriend.”
“Well, that’s not a bad thing, if you had, I mean. Not really assuming the worst, at the very least,” I interrupt, “I don’t know what you are accusing me of here.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything,” he sighs, relenting when I stare at him in disbelief, “I just don’t get why you make assumptions about me.”
“When have you not had a girlfriend? Well, at least a girl,” I point out, “And this is college, you’re on the basketball team, there’s really no reason to assume you’d have a shortage of girls.”
He laughs hollowly, sounding tired and weary more than anything. “There’s been no one,” he shrugs, “Can we leave it at that?”
I nod. “Sure, yeah, of course. I didn’t mean to offend you, Nathan,” I insist, peering up at him intently.
“That’s not dropping it, Haley,” he mutters.
“Yeah, right. Sorry.”
He grabs my hand again. “No, I’m sorry. There’s no reason for me to be so sensitive about it. It’s stupid anyway.”
I squeeze his hand. “I’m sure it isn’t for lack of trying on their parts,” I tease him, “Maybe none of them are good enough for you?”
He snorts out a laugh. “I doubt that, but I do know none of them are what I want.”
I don’t know how to respond to that, so I don’t say anything about it, just keep walking, and change the subject. “We could get flowers or something,” I suggest, “I mean, I know Deb is buried in Tree Hill, but we could still do some sort of memorial thing.”
He smiles sadly at me. “Thanks, but I’d rather just hang out, you know? Not really do anything about it, just be with you for awhile.”
I nod as we enter the Starbucks. Several people, mostly girls, rush over to say hi to Nathan. I drop his hand and move away from him, gravitating towards the line to order my coffee. I’d forgotten the way people, mostly girls, will crowd around Nathan, wanting to be in his presence. It never has bothered me, and it doesn’t now, but I know it bothers him on some level, although I’m not sure he realizes that.
I order my latte and a bagel for Nathan, and then step over to the door to wait for him to finish up with his fans. He looks so uncomfortable, and I can tell he doesn’t know any of these people – probably never met them – but sometime between now and high school, he learned how to be gracious. Interesting.
When I feel his hand on my back, I turn and smile at him. “Sorry about that,” he mumbles, looking embarrassed, “It happens sometimes.”
“It happens all the time I bet,” I say gently, “You’re a popular guy, Nathan Scott.”
He shakes his head. “It isn’t like they know me or I’ve really done anything to deserve the attention, though,” he argues, “I mean, they just think because I play basketball that I can do something for them.”
I hand him the bagel. “Eat this, you’ll feel better,” I assure him, surprised when he bends down kisses me on the cheek. “What was that for?”
“For talking to me today. Taking my mind off things. Being my friend for a few hours.”
“I can be your friend longer than that,” I say, surprising us both a little, “I mean, if you know, you want to.”
I sound…nervous when I say it. And I am, I find. I’m nervous that he’ll say no, he doesn’t really need me as a friend anymore, this was a one time thing, a fluke, whatever he thinks will get him out of this. He surprises me, though – no, not surprises, but reassures me, by throwing his arms around my waist and lifting me up off the ground as he hugs me close to him.
“Hell, yes, I want you back as my friend, Hales.” He buries his face in my neck. “I hope you never doubted that.”
“People are staring at us,” I whisper to him as I wind my arms around his neck, knowing I’m blushing at the attention, both from him and the rest of the people around us.
“Let ‘em,” he whispers back, “I’m not letting you go now, Hales.”
“Nathan,” I sigh, not really bothered that he won’t let me down, and interestingly, not bothered by the attention we are garnering either, “You’re going to make me spill my coffee down your back. And then you’ll be burnt and I’ll be mad I have no coffee.”
Laughing, he sets me back on my feet. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Where to?” I ask, gazing up at him. Oh, I am so falling into hold patterns and habits already. How does he do this to me? Does he have some sort of Rasputin like power over me? I don’t get it.
“Show me your dorm room,” he suggests.
“I have a roommate,” I tease, swatting playfully at his arm, “She’s probably there right now, even.”
“Ha,” he mutters, “Is that all you think that I think that we were about? Sex? Because I didn’t. I don’t.”
“I was teasing you, Nathan. I promise that I don’t believe that of you,” I sigh, knowing that for awhile at least, things will be touchy between us. We’ll have to walk the line in terms of what we say to each other, especially about the past.
He nods. “Yeah, I know, some things are just fresh, though.”
“For both of us,” I point out, “It isn’t easy for me either. I can’t forget what was said, and you can’t, and it’s a mess.”
“We’ll try, right?”
“Hell, yeah,” I respond with a smile. “Come on,” I say, looping my arm through his, “I’ll show you my dorm room. But only if you promise to show me yours.”
He grins. “Yeah, I can do that.”
We walk back to my dorm together, arms linked, and just talk. Talk about what we’ve been doing, talk about how our friends like what they’re doing, and make plans to study for an upcoming test in the class we share. It isn’t as awkward as I was worried it would be. Instead, it is fun, relaxed, and really freaking comforting to be with him again.
“I missed you,” he says as I use my key to let us into the building. I smile up at him. “I mean, I really missed you, Hales. Summer was miserable. I actually agreed to go fishing with my dad for a weekend at one point.”
I laugh. “I know, Peyton told me,” I admit, “Was it as big of a disaster as Luke told her that it was?”
“Probably worse,” he admits, shrugging. We walk down the hall, a couple of girls saying hi to me and looking Nathan up and down and like, literally licking their chops. These are girls that I like, that I’m friendly with, and I still want to beat them down. Luckily for him and my sanity, Nathan seems completely oblivious to them, instead focusing entirely on me. Which is new. Even when we were sleeping together on a semi-regular basis, that was no deterrent from him flirting in my presence.
“Well, this is my room,” I announce dumbly when we get to the door.
“I figured,” he smirks, gesturing to the ‘Haley and Lucy’ signs all over the door.
“Did those give it away?” I laugh, sticking my key in the door. Before I can even turn it, the door swings open.
“Haley!” Lucy squeals, jumping on me, “Oh, my God, it is about time you got here!” She lets go of me long enough to notice Nathan. “Oh, hi Nathan.”
They know each other? Of course, they’d know each other. He’s a basketball player, she’s a cheerleader. Some things just go together.
“Hey Lucy,” he nods, looking past her into the room. Now I know things have changed with Nathan. Lucy is one of the most gorgeous people I’ve ever seen, let alone spent time with. And for Nathan to barely glance at her? That says something.
“How do you two know each other?” she asks curiously, not seeming at all bothered by Nathan’s obliviousness to her, almost as if it were a normal occurrence. She keeps me in her chokehold throughout all of this, something that I’ve managed to grow used to. She’s the biggest hugger I’ve ever known.
“Grew up together,” I explain, “Known each other practically forever.”
“Oh. Hey, how come this is the first I’ve heard of this?” she asks, eyes widening, “How come I’m such a spaz that I didn’t put two and two together? I knew you were both from Tree Hill! I swear, I must’ve been dropped on the head like a bajillion times as a baby to miss something like that!”
“Right,” Nathan says slowly, moving over to sit on my bed, “At least a bajillion.”
She rolls her eyes at him. “How come you guys don’t hang out? I mean, I’d know if you did, Haley. If you’re not with me, you’re usually with one of the other girls on the floor. Or Brooke, if she’s come to visit.”
I laugh, extricating myself from her grip to sit on the bed next to Nathan. “We ran into each other after class today,” I explain, “And now we’re hanging out.”
“Right,” she smiles, even though I can tell she clearly believes that there is more to the story. In fact, I’ve told her enough about Nathan without calling him by name that I’m sure she’s put two and two together by now. “Well, Haley, don’t forget that we’re meeting the girls for dinner and a little pre-party before we go out tonight. So you have to be ready, completely ready – dressed, makeup, shoes, everything, okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be ready,” I agree, smiling at her giddiness.
“Excellent! We are going to have so much fun tonight!” She glances at her watch. “Shoot, I have to go. Nathan, you say hi to Bryant for me.”
He nods, rolling his eyes. Once she’s out the door, he shakes his head. “She’s a bubbly thing, isn’t she?”
“Why, Nathan Scott, don’t tell me you are the only person on campus not to fall under the spell of Miss Lucy Gennesee?” I tease.
He shrugs. “I guess so.”
“Well, I adore her. She’s been really great to me, and she makes sure I have a lot of fun. If she’d quit trying to hound me into joining cheer squad, I’d love her even more.”
He starts laughing at this. “She thinks you could cheer?”
“Hey!” I protest, pouting.
He laughs even harder. “Haley, you’re lucky when you make it through a day without dropping your books everywhere! Baby, you know I love you, but you’re a klutz,” he smiles.
“You’re mean,” I pout harder, trying to make him feel bad, “How do you know that I haven’t grown out of the klutzy phase?”
“Hales, it isn’t a phase for you. It’s been that way since the day you were born,” he points out, reaching a hand out to play in my hair. I try not shiver at the feel of his fingers sifting through my hair.
“I know,” I admit, “And I think she’s beginning to figure that out, too.”
“Well, as far as people go for you to make friends with, I’ve only heard good things about Lucy. A lot of the guys on the team like her.”
“What about you?” I tease, “Are you one of them? Need me to hook you two up?”
He glares at me. “Not hardly.”
“You don’t like her?” I ask, confused.
“I don’t know her,” he says pointedly, “But I’m not here looking for you to hook me up with your friends, Haley.”
“Nathan, I was teasing, I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it.” He stands up, moving off the bed. “Maybe I should just go.”
“Nathan, no!” I exclaim, grabbing his hand to stop him, “Are you mad at me?”
“No,” he sighs, “I just don’t get you anymore. If I wanted one of those girls as a girlfriend, I’d ask them out. I don’t need you to run interference for me. I’m here because I wanted to see you, be with you, not them. No one else.”
I bite my lip, unsure what to say. “Believe me, I know you wouldn’t need help getting a date. It really was just a joke.”
He nods, smiling slightly at me. “There you go biting that lip again.”
Sheepishly, I stop what I’m doing, flopping back on the bed. “I’m sorry I got so mad at you after graduation,” I sigh.
“Why?”
“Why what? Why am I sorry?” He nods. “Because it messed everything up. We could’ve been hanging out all this time, all summer. We wouldn’t have had to divide time with our friends to avoid each other.”
“But you still think that I was wrong to intervene, right?” he asks, looking at me so intently that I wonder why my answer is so important to him.
“Well, yeah, Nathan. It is sweet that you want to protect me, or whatever, but at the same time, I got sick of you treating me like child.”
He shakes his head. “Look, Hales, I wasn’t trying to treat you like a child. It’s just – when I saw those guys, half naked, trying to get with you, I snapped. There was no way I could handle seeing that.”
“Why?” I ask plainly, “Why did it bother you so much?”
“For the same reason it’d bother me now,” he mumbles, looking out the window, “I’d be jealous. I was jealous.”
I want to think I’ve heard him correctly, but it would be too perfect if that’s what he said, so I don’t hold my breath. I just stare at his back, waiting for him to do or say something. But he doesn’t, and I keep waiting, like a fool.
Finally he moves, heading for the door. “Nathan!” I call, when his hand hits the nod, “Where do you think you’re going?”
He doesn’t bother to look back at me. “If you didn’t want to do this, you could’ve just said so. You didn’t need to reinstate your silent treatment policy,” he sighs.
“No! I wasn’t doing that. I – I don’t even know what we’re doing.” I walk up behind him, laying a hand on his back. “What are we doing, Nathan?”
He turns around, and for the first time in my life, I understand the phrase ‘wearing your heart on your sleeve’. Because that is exactly what he’s doing. “Obviously, we’re doing different things, so I’ll just go.” He turns away again.
“No, don’t. Please, don’t,” I plead, moving behind him to hug him. I wrap my arms around his stomach. He still doesn’t move, doesn’t relax. “Nathan,” I murmur, sliding my hands across his abs, down along the line of his belt, “Don’t go.”
“What are you doing, Haley?” he chokes out when I dip my hand under his jeans, under his boxers.
“If you don’t know, then I’m not very good at it,” I tease, going for coy. If I’m misreading this, maybe that would allow me to play it off somewhat successfully.
“Haley,” he moans as I take him in my hand. I’ve never been the aggressor before, so this is a new experience for both of us. Oh, I’ve touched him plenty, but never like this, never when he was resistant even in the slightest.
“You feel so good, Nathan,” I tell him, my voice low with yearning.
He removes my hand, turning around to face me. “What are we doing?” he repeats, his face flushed and his breathing labored.
“I – I want you, Nathan,” I tell him, stepping closer.
He shakes his head. “For sex? If all I’d wanted was sex, I’d have slept with any of the girls who thrown themselves at me over the last five or six months.”
I blink, confused. “Nathan – what?”
“Yeah, Haley, I haven’t had sex since – since – whatever her name was the day of graduation! That’s right, me, Nathan Scott, has not had sex in over five months!” he practically yells.
“Why?” I ask.
“Why? You know why, Haley,” he says, advancing on me.
“I want to hear the words out loud. I want to be sure that I understand you, and the only way to guarantee that is for you to say it.”
“I love you,” he blurts out, shocking both of us.
“You what?” I repeat like an idiot. I just – if he’s saying this, he better mean it. He has to mean it. If this is something he’s ‘just’ saying to say, I’ll kill. I swear I will. “If you are playing with me, Nathan, so help me God, I will – “
He cuts me off by kissing me. “I’m not playing, Haley. Not anymore. I just, you know what? I love you. I do. You have no idea how hard these months away from you have been – “
This time I cut him off, slamming my lips to his. His hands immediately find my hips, pulling me closer, before sliding around to rest on my ass. “I love you, too,” I manage to gasp out when his lips leave mine to kiss down my neck.
“I knew you did,” he responds, his arrogance returning with a bang, “God, I’d hoped you did. I was nervous, Hales.”
“You’re gonna make me cry,” I whisper, “I didn’t know – I never thought. I can’t believe you felt this way, too.”
He wraps his arms tight around me, kissing my cheek. “Always. I think I always did, I just didn’t know it. And then when I knew it, I didn’t know what to do with it. I was freaked out that I’d make you hate me like everyone else,” he confesses, “And I was jealous, so jealous of any guy that would even just talk to you. Sometimes I wanted to bash Luke’s face in.”
“How do you think I felt then?” I ask wryly, trying to shake off the memories of his current hookups that were frequently flaunted in my direction.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just – I couldn’t let myself let you get too close. They – I know this doesn’t make it better, but they didn’t mean anything. Really.”
I place my hands on his cheeks. “I know, Nathan, I know that.” I blush. “I mean, I knew they didn’t mean anything to you, but I didn’t know why, I guess.”
He leans down, resting his forehead on mine. “Go out with me.”
“Like on a date?” I question softly.
“Yeah, exactly like that. A real date, and we’ll go wherever you want,” he promises, “Dancing, dinner, the backseat of my car, wherever you want.”
I sniffle a little, trying to hold back the tears. “That sounds really nice, Nathan.”
“Are you crying?” He tips my chin up so he can see my face. “Did I do something wrong already?”
“No, you’re perfect,” I assure him, “It’s just – I never thought that this would happen. And I’ve wanted it since I was sixteen.”
“I know,” he murmurs.
“You knew? You knew I liked you and you didn’t do anything about it?” I question.
He shrugs. “I couldn’t. I didn’t know how. And you know how messed up I am, Haley, and I was afraid I’d mess you up, too.”
“What changed?”
“I can’t – I hate my life when you aren’t in it.”
This only makes me cry harder and push myself closer to him. This is scary, in the sense that too much is happening so dang fast, but at the same time, it is so amazing, so wonderful, and I’d live this moment forever if I could.
“I love you, Haley, I really do,” he says again, “I love you as my best friend, sometimes my only friend, and I love you for being the woman standing in front of me now.”
“You’re going to make me cry harder,” I laugh, standing on my tiptoes to kiss him, “I love you, Nathan. I really do.”
I swear, when he looks down at me, he has tears in his eyes, too, but before I can really look, he’s kissing me again. And all thought flees.
~*~
“Look who the cat dragged in!” Lucy greets me as I drop into the chair across from her, “Hay, you know I love you, but you look like straight up ass.”
I glare at her, running a hand through my hair. “Well, I feel it, too.”
“Aw, I’m sorry, what’s wrong? Nathan still being standoffish and bossy?”
I nod, tired. “Yes, and it sucks. And I’m going to have to go bitch on him soon, and I would really prefer not having to do that. Because it sucks.”
“Well, I’m sure he’ll snap out of this little funk soon enough,” she placates, “And in the meantime, just ignore him when he’s talking and only use him for hot, sweaty sex. That should do you both some good.”
“I just want to bash him in the head,” I gripe, “But believe me, sex is no problem. I’ve been having sex with Nathan since I was sixteen, and you’d think we’d hit a wall or something, but no, it seriously gets better each time.”
She scowls at me. “And I can’t even find a guy worth a second go-round. Life is not very fair, now is it?”
“Yeah, but at least you don’t have a fulltime, live in man-child who is prone to petty fits and attitude problems.”
“Ha, you know he’s not that bad,” she laughs, “He’s just going through a phase or something. Maybe pre-withdrawals from basketball ending soon. Listen, Hay, I know it sounds dismissive, but seriously, I don’t think this is a big deal. I wouldn’t say that to you if I didn’t mean it.”
I nod. “I know, and you know that I love him. Like, more than anything. But there is something going on with him, and if I find out it is another woman? Stringin’ him up by the balls, Luce. The damn balls.”
She laughs even harder. “I swear, you do that and I’ll charge admission.”
“Hey ladies,” Nathan says from behind me, nearly causing me to choke on my iced tea as he bends down to give me a kiss, “What are you charging admission to?”
“Boyfriend abuse,” Lucy answers, laughing when Nathan blanches, “Okay, I’m sorry I can’t stay, Hay, but I have to go meet non-performer number three.” Nathan looks confused. “Trust me, Natey Boy, you don’t want to know.” She waves and takes off.
“’Natey Boy’? You said three years ago you’d talk to her about that,” he whines, grabbing the chair nearest mine, “Whatever happened with that?”
“It’s Luce, she didn’t listen,” I laugh, leaning in to kiss him. God, no matter how irritating he is, I still can’t stop myself from wanting him, needing him. As I’m trying to get closer to him, my leg hits something. I start pouting when I see what it is. “You have to leave already? I thought you were flying out tomorrow.”
He shakes his head. “Nope, unfortunately its tonight,” he sighs, “But this is the last road trip, and then we have a few home games, and then we’re done. No more basketball.”
I smile at him. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?” I ask carefully.
He pulls me out of my chair and onto his lap. “Yeah, I’m okay with it. Basketball is something I enjoy, you know that, but it isn’t my life. And you know that, too. I’ll miss it, but it’ll be a relief, too. A lot less pressure and a lot more time for you.”
“Wow, good answer, hot shot,” I laugh, leaning back against him, “I’ll miss you.”
“I thought you were pissed at me,” he reminds me, “And now you’ll be missing me?”
“Okay, I take back the hot shot comment because I cannot believe you would remind me that I’m mad at you. Geez, Nathan.”
“Shit, I gotta go, Hales,” he sighs, “Don’t forget to keep your schedule clear for the day of the last home game. It’s really important, babe.”
“It’s really important, babe,” I mock as he walks off and practically dumping me off his lap. “Ingrate.”
And what, exactly, could possibly be so important?
