Your Makeup Stains My Pillowcase
By Katie
Chapter Five
Mmm. Warmth. This was nice.
Her lips curved, her mind still blurred and deliciously so. She was sleeping but slowly awaking from her peaceful slumber, warm, fuzzy feelings melting her body.
Mmm. She felt warm. Warmth all around her. A good kind of warmth.
It was a nice feeling to wake up to. A feeling that she hadn't woken up to in the longest time. And she wasn't really sure why she was feeling this way. It was kind of like a serene feeling, washing over her body in the happiest of ways.
It must have been some good sleep she got to be feeling this way.
Yum. She snuggled deeper into the warmth.
Hmm, this was weird. The feeling surrounded her, but it felt slightly unfamiliar. But at the same time it felt all too familiar. It was like a...like a heated body or...or like a--Nathan!
As soon as the thought was in her mind she squeezed her eyes closed tighter.
Oh. God.
It most definitely felt like Nathan now. It felt like she was snuggled up to a warm body and they were equally snuggled up to her. Hmm, maybe it wasn't Nathan.
Letting her mind clear, Haley focused on her position and stiffened as she realized what had happened. It seemed that somehow she was curled up to him, her head on his chest and her body pressed against his, while his arm was around her and his cheek resting against her head. Her pulse spiked.
She thought that maybe she was just imagining it all. After all, how could it be that Nathan was in her bed and it was most definitely morning? It couldn't be. She was delusional.
She opened her eyes. And shrieked.
Jerking up from her place on him, Haley sat up and stared down at him.
His eyes were staring back at her, just as wide and shocked.
Gasp! Nathan was in her bed! Looking at her!
She felt a weird kind of heart-felt giddiness rush through her. He had spent the night.
And as soon as that feeling went through her, it was gone. It was replaced with a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach as he looked back at her, the surprise apparent in his widened blue eyes.
"Shit," she heard him murmur as he covered his face with his hands.
Her heart sank further and she swallowed hard, still unable to move from her position. Staring at his now rigid form she let her eyes trail further downwards and realized that he was naked. Whew. Okay. And she was also naked, she saw now, scrambling to grasp an abandoned sheet and pulling it up to cover herself. That definitely made the situation more real.
She didn't know why she was feeling so self-conscious in front of him now. It wasn't like he'd never seen her naked before, because he most definitely had. It was just...awkward and she felt so goofy sitting above him now without any clothes on.
Not like he was looking at her, he had his face buried in his hands and was grumbling to himself. Which just made her feel soo much better.
God, this was weird. She felt like she was in a completely different world right now. Here she was, waking up beside her naked husband and feeling guilty that he had overslept and had forgotten to leave her in the middle of the night.
And she couldn't figure why she felt so guilty in the first place, it wasn't like it was her fault that he hadn't left. She just...before she had realized that it had been him lying next to her, she had felt something that she hadn't felt in so long. And that feeling had made her feel so good, it was something that she wished she could experience waking up everyday. But she knew that thinking that was wrong and that she shouldn't be having those thoughts.
And now she was in a completely awkward situation that she was going to try and smoothly get herself out of. Fat chance of that.
"Um..."
He moved his hands from his face and stared at her through narrowed eyes. He still looked tired and sleepy, his hair was mussed and she had to clench her fingers together to stop herself from running them through it. He looked so amazingly sexy lying on her pillow.
"Haley..." His voice croaked with sleep. "I...I'm sorry."
She didn't think a simple apology could hurt her so much. But the words sliced through her, splintering her heart. He sounded like a kid who had just gotten caught stealing candy. So she remained quiet, watching as he pushed himself up from her mattress and shuffled around the room for his clothes.
"I guess I just fell asleep," he went on, grabbing at his pants and pulling them up over his hips. Struggling to get his shirt over his head, he turned and faced her, now fully dressed. "I never meant..."
She looked away from his apologetic eyes. She didn't want his apology. She didn't want his excuses. She suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to cry and called herself stupid, knowing that she would only look like an idiot in front of him.
"It's okay," she said quickly, cutting off anything else he would have said. She needed to be left alone. She needed to stop feeling like this.
He looked up from where he was slipping his feet into his shoes and their gazes locked. Just for a moment he caught the hurt and the anguish. Then she looked away and he felt a twinge of regret. "Haley..."
She looked back at him, her eyes hard and blank this time. But when he was met with them he could say nothing else.
"Um, bye then." He walked towards the door, just barely out of it when he heard her weary voice.
"Nathan," she called out weakly. She wet her lips to say something but when he turned she stopped. He waited, expecting her to speak again but she only shook her head. "Bye."
When he was gone she dropped back onto his pillow, inhaling his scent and letting out a lone sob.
~*~
After that morning he didn't go back to see Haley. He didn't come by at night and he avoided going out with his friends if she was going to be there. He knew that it was cowardly but he didn't know what else to do.
That morning in her room had been his wake up call. He couldn't keep doing this to her anymore. It wasn't fair. And seeing the look on her face just before he left was enough to keep him away. He didn't like seeing her hurt. More than that, he didn't like knowing that he was the one causing her the hurt.
But that morning when he had seen the pain and the distress that he had been causing he knew that he couldn't do it anymore.
And besides, it was totally awkward between them. He really hadn't meant to spend the night. He'd just been so content with her and while relaxing had somehow fallen asleep, only to not wake up again. That shriek that she had given off when she'd woken up had brought him abruptly out of his slumber.
When he had apologized he had immediately felt guilty. He knew that he wasn't sorry. It had felt so good to wake up next to her. And while there next to her he'd had the sweetest dreams about her. He'd only apologized because of the look upon her face when she had gazed down at him.
She'd looked at him as if he were in stranger in her bed and nothing had hurt quite like that before. So, barely thinking, he'd sputtered off apologies and excuses, the look in her eyes never really going away.
And even now he was plagued with her face in his head, that look that she gave him as if he'd belonged anywhere else but her bed that morning. And her eyes just before he had left.
So he made himself stay away from her. He assured himself that it was better this way. Easier. This way it would all just go away and they could go on with their lives.
Unfortunately, he knew that, that wasn't true at all and that just depressed him more.
Eventually his friends and teammates had tracked him down and had somehow convinced him that a party at the beach house was just what everyone needed. And somehow he had agreed.
So tonight, more than a week and a half since that morning at Haley's, was his big bash at the beach house. Party time.
~*~
"Ow Ow." Lucas grinned as he watched his friend do a fancy spin to model her outfit for him. "Nice party dress, Hales."
She giggled back at him, dipping into a curtsey. "Yeah well, I figured since you're dragging me to some lame party I might as well look nice."
"And you most definitely do," Lucas assured her, taking the purse from the counter and handing it to her.
"As do you," Haley told him and took his arm when he offered it, laughing. "Now," she started as they left the apartment and headed towards the car. "Where is this party that you're taking me?" She felt Lucas stiffen beside her and frowned, sending him a look.
He forced out an easy laugh and continued to lead her over to his car, pulling the door open to her when they reached. "You'll know when we get there," he promised and listened to her laugh.
They talked the whole way to the party, easy conversation between friends. But Lucas could tell that something was bothering her. And since he had a pretty certain guess as to what it was, he kept quiet about their destination, knowing that he would upset her and be forced to turn back if he told her now. He figured that when they finally got to Nathan's it'd be too late to turn back and she'd have to go in and face him.
It seemed to him like whatever was bothering Haley was the same thing that had been bothering Nathan. The two had been skittish around each other lately, avoiding all possible chances to see each other. He knew that things weren't on good terms with them, but he didn't think it was this bad. So he was assuming that something had happened that had upset them both. And he was sick of his best friend and brother dancing around each other.
So he had called Haley up after he'd heard about Nathan's big bash and had invited her to come, leaving out all details that might change her mind about going. She was reluctant but after some serious convincing, she'd agreed to go and have fun.
She was now wondering if it was such a good idea. She hadn't really been to a party in a while and she didn't really think much good could come out of it. Lucas had told her that it would be fun but she was seriously questioning whether or not she was even capable of that.
She also briefly wondered if Nathan would be at the party. Not like she cared, she just would rather not see him. He hadn't come over since the morning when he'd woken up in her bed and she now thought that he was a coward and wimp. So she would definitely prefer to not see him. Sissy.
When the car stopped Haley turned her head and her felt her jaw tighten. Oh, so Lucas wanted to play games.
Before her stood the infamous Scott beach house/ mansion. The place was overflowing with bodies and lights, music pouring out onto the street. She suddenly felt sick. But before she could say anything Lucas spoke.
"Now I know that you're probably pissed as hell at me and I don't blame you. I just wanted to give you a chance to have fun tonight and I knew that if I had told you that the party was at Nathan's then you wouldn't come. So I didn't tell you, which of course was wrong and I'm very sorry but--" His hasty ramblings were cut off by her icy voice.
"Why would I be mad, Lucas?" she asked him, turning to stare at him with her dark and hard eyes.
"Uhm, because this is Nathan's house." His brows furrowed.
She let out a humorless laugh and pushed open the door. "I couldn't care less. Let's go."
She slammed the door behind her.
Walking into the party the two were greeted by just about everyone. And most seemed to already be drunk or very close to it. Haley nearly laughed at the situation, it was barely 8. Walking further in they spotted Brooke and Peyton who looked equally surprised to see Haley there. But they smiled and waved them over.
"Hey!" Brooke greeted happily, throwing an arm around Haley. "Try my special mix." She shoved the red plastic cup towards Haley but the other girl pushed her hand out with a laugh.
"Thanks, but I'm going to hold off on the drinking tonight," Haley told her and listened to the brunette laugh.
"Okay, well when you change your mind I'll be happy to fix you one."
Peyton smiled at Haley as a greeting. "I didn't think you'd be here," said the blonde.
"Yeah well, my bitch over here convinced me," Haley told her with a giggle, motioning to Lucas who sneered back at her.
"Thought I'd pry Haley from the cave that she's been living in," Lucas informed everyone and they laughed as Haley smacked him.
"You just wait and see if I drive your drunk self home tonight," she threatened and he slung an arm around her neck, pulling her into him laughing.
~*~
From the corner of his eye, Nathan watched the group interact. He frowned. His eyes set on Haley who was cozied up to Lucas and grinning from ear to ear. He could honestly say that he hadn't expected her to be there tonight. In fact, he had counted on her not being there.
And seeing her there, talking and laughing before she'd even been there for five minutes had his jaw tightening. His attention next went to her dress. He sucked in a breath as he examined the form fitting ensemble. It was white with blue and purple patterning and thin white straps. The bottom swished and twirled around her thighs. He felt his mouth go dry.
~*~
Haley smiled absently as she worked her way through the room crowded with bodies. Somewhere along the line she had lost her date to Brooke and the two had gone off somewhere unable to be found. Thus leaving Haley awkwardly roaming around the party.
She'd hung out with Peyton and some of the cheerleaders for a while but she really could only take so much of their giggling and gossiping. So she had excused herself from the group and had proceeded onward, hoping to find someone or something to make this night more interesting.
Fortunately for her, she hadn't seen Nathan in all of the time she had been there. Which actually wasn't very long but she was still hanging on the idea that she could get through the entire party without seeing him.
She also figured that if she stayed away from the bar it would reduce her chances seeing him. And that was part of the reason she wasn't going to drink tonight. The other part being that the last time she had drank she'd ended up in bed with Nathan, and that sure wasn't going to happen again.
Although she had to admit that right now the party wasn't so much of a thrill, she may need to sneak in a few drinks before the night was over.
Moving through a doorway she entered another room and searched it for someone to talk to. Frowning when she couldn't see anyone, she immediately turned to go back and bumped right into someone.
She knew it was him even before she looked up. Breathing in, she inhaled his familiar and ultra sexy scent, feeling her pulse sky-rocket as she found herself pressed up against his hard and muscular chest. Nope, there was no mistaking who that belonged to.
Sucking in a breath, she looked up and was met with his steely gaze. "I um...I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going," she apologized immediately, feeling flustered all of the sudden.
"No problem," he replied, his hands resting on her bare shoulders from when he had reached out to steady her.
She was caught up in his gaze for the longest time, finally jolting back into reality when another party-goer was knocked into her. She blinked up at him and suddenly realized that she was still pressed tightly up against his chest. She blushed.
"Oh!" Pushing away from him, she found herself laughing nervously, her cheeks and neck heated. "I didn't realize..." Moving back from him she placed a good amount of space between them...but she couldn't get her eyes to stray from his own. When he finally looked away her eyes went toward the floor and she fiddled with her fingers. "Well, have a good...party."
And then she was making herself disappear in the crowds.
God she was stupid. Haley reached her hand up and pressed it to her flaming cheeks. She really was an idiot when it came to things like that. It had been so awkward between them! And her talking and muttering like a moron did not make matters better.
Ergh. She blew out a breath of frustration. This was exactly what she knew was going to happen to her. Hadn't she said that she didn't want to see him for this exact purpose? Yeah well, she'd blame this one on Luke since he was the one who had dragged her there in the first place.
She marched toward the kitchen. Screw what she said before. She needed a drink.
~*~
Okay. She'd had her drink. And then she'd had many more to go with it. A few too many actually. She felt like she was flying. Whoooa. Head rush.
Haley found herself giggling as she stared into her empty cup. It was definitely a good thing that Lucas has brought her to this party, after all those drinks she was feeling soo much better. And where was Lucas anyways? She hadn't seen him in the longest time. Maybe he had left? Nah, he wouldn't leave her there. Or would he?
Oh, who cares. She turned on her heel and grinned at the guy who stood behind the bar mixing up drinks. "Tim!" she squealed, giddy.
He looked up and grinned at her, giving her a wink and leaning over the bar closer to her. "What can I do for you, Hales?" he asked her and watched as she swayed over to him.
"I need a drink," Haley told him, reaching out to stroke his cheek.
He couldn't contain his laugh at that and reached over to take the cup from her hands. "I just gave you one."
"All gone," she promised him, a goofy grin playing her lips as she threw her hands out to show that there was nothing left.
"Haley baby, I think you've had enough. You're gone," Tim observed. He had somehow taken a liking to Haley and felt a kind of need to protect her. So throughout the night he'd monitored how much he had given her...he just didn't know that she didn't have a very high tolerance for the drinks that he was making her. And she'd definitely had enough.
"I'm right here!"
He snorted a laugh. "I see that. Why don't you go and find Brooke or Peyton."
"Can't," she told him and he raised an eyebrow. "Brooke's out fucking Lucas."
Tim's eyes widened at her words. "Christ Haley!"
"Peyton's probably there too. Me, well, I've never really been into that kind of thing. I'm more of a--" She was cut off when his hand clasped over her mouth. She giggled beneath it.
"No more drinks for you. Go dance," he instructed and watched as she sighed and her shoulders slumped.
She slid up onto one of the bar stools...well she tried to get onto one of the bar stools and after a few attempts she finally managed to do it. Resting her elbows on top of the bar she rested her head on her hands and eyed the dance floor. "I can't do that either," Haley told him, defeated.
He frowned at her answer and rested his face on his own elbows, facing her. "And why not."
"Because," she pouted. "He's over there."
"Who is?" But when he looked up he knew. He looked back down at Haley and sent her a sympathetic smile. "Why don't you go talk to him?"
She snorted. "Yeah, that's what I'm going to do," Haley replied sadistically.
Tim watched as she remained slumped in her spot on the stool, staring at Nathan with a longing in her eyes. He felt a pang of sympathy go out to her. Although Nathan was his better friend who he had known longer, he had just as much respect and companionship for Haley and it was killing him to see his friends hurting so much and causing each other so much unneeded pain.
"I bet he wants you to," Tim told her.
Her eyes flickered back to him briefly. She blew out a bitter sigh. "Then you lose."
She turned her head back and she studied him from across the room, watching as he sat on the couch amongst a group of guys from the basketball team. They were all talking and laughing, each of them holding his own beer. Watching, she saw a smile break onto his face, like a sucker punch right into her gut. God, she was pathetic. So much for the alcohol for cheering her up.
Her eyes roamed his body, her mouth going dry as she surveyed what she saw. God, he looked hot. He always looked hot. He had looked hot when she had ran into him in the hall, and even now that she was completely intoxicated he still looked beyond sexy. She truly was a case of the most pathetic person at the party.
Sulking at the thought, she slumped further in her seat, her eyes never leaving his body. Why did he have to be so damn fine anyways? She had never wished that she had married someone ugly more than she wished so now. After all, she wouldn't be staring after him like a loser if he wasn't good looking. He sucks.
Also, she decided, that it was his fault for her wanting him so bad right now. See, she figured that if she had never had sex with him to begin with, then she wouldn't really know what she was missing, so she wouldn't really be wanting sex so badly right now. And boy did she want it badly. She felt like she needed it now. The past few weeks of celibacy had really put her on the edge, she was horny all the time. Like right now.
But not for just anyone. For Nathan. It was always for Nathan. Which really sucked for her because he just about hated her guts. Why else would he completely avoid her for nearly two weeks?
She pouted further. She needed sex. She needed Nathan.
Oh hell, she was done sulking around. It was time to get back in the game. If he wasn't going to approach her...well then she'd just have to approach him. She was sick of waiting around for something to happen between them, it was time that she made something happen.
And besides, she was nearly trashed already and couldn't be accountable for her actions.
Haley smirked.
"Haley?"
Glancing up at Tim's questioning face, she sent him a quick smile and leaned over the bar towards him. "How about this, Timmy, you provide me with one more drink and I'll go and talk to Nathan."
He raised a brow at her offer and had to shake his head. "I told you, no more alcohol."
Keeping her charming grin in place, her eyes pleaded and she gripped his hands from over the bar. "Please, Tim. Please? I just...I haven't been able to talk to him and I just need some more courage." She batted her eyelashes at him.
"Haley..." He watched as her lip went out in a pout and couldn't stop the smile from coming onto his face. "Alright, alright." She grinned with a squeal and clapped her hands. "But last one, got it?"
She nodded, her eyes on his hand movements the whole time as he fixed her a drink.
Finishing the mixing, he held it and debated on whether or not to actually give it to her.
Unable to wait, Haley reached over and snatched the cup from his hand, proceeding to gulp the mixture down, her face grimacing. "Yum." She looked back at him and she slid off of her stool. "Thanks!"
Whoa, okay. Much better. Haley found her hands trembling as she walked towards Nathan and his friends. She didn't know why she was shaking though, she was definitely drunk enough to not be nervous about this. Gosh, her head was spinning a million miles an hour right now. She just hoped that she would be able to control her alcohol better this time around, the last thing she needed was to get sick.
Nathan took a sip of his beer as he listened to one of his buddies tell a pointless joke. At the end of it, everyone around him roared with laughter and he couldn't help but join in. He might as well pretend that he was having fun. He grinned at the joke, which he had to admit he didn't really understand, and he took another swig of his beer.
The conversation moved on now, the basketball guys gossiping shamelessly about the other students at their school and Nathan eyed his drink. The taste was getting to be plain on his tongue and he wished that he had something stronger because the beers that he had already gulped down were doing nothing for him. Of course, originally he had vowed that getting drunk was just not in the cards for him that night, but after seeing Haley in that dress and getting smacked with the reality that they were no longer engaging in the sex that he had so fondly been living off of, he decided to rethink that vow.
His mind was buzzing with the music and laughter all around him. He was barely listening to his friends now. His eyes scanned the room. He had seen her earlier talking to Tim at the bar. She had been smiling and laughing with his friend. Nathan couldn't ever think of another time where he had actually been jealous of Tim. It was truly pathetic. A frown found it's way to his face, he couldn't see her anymore, she was no longer at the bar with Tim.
Suddenly the laughter and the conversation around him died down. His eyes flickered up then, regarding his friends with a questioning stare. But they weren't looking at him. They all seemed to be focused on something behind him.
He could smell the alcohol even before he felt her hands on his shoulders, her breath on his neck. Her palms slid down his chest and he could feel her teeth as they nipped at the skin of his ear. He felt a wave of heat wash over him.
His head jerked around, his eyes direct on her and he watched a slow smirk cross over her lips. Her eyes were dark and he could clearly see that she'd been drinking. Her face was flushed, her lips curved.
"Hi," she whispered into his ear. Her breath was warm and sent goose bumps over his skin. He gripped the arm of the chair he was sitting in.
"Haley," he bit out, his voice sounding shaky. "What are you doing?"
She let out a chuckle then, a low, seductive laugh that had his skin crawling. "You haven't been coming over lately, did something happen to make you change your mind?" she inquired, her fingers idly sliding over the material of his shirt, feeling the warmth beneath them.
He blew out a breath then, his eyes sending her a warning but she didn't falter, her movements continuing. "This isn't the time or the place for that," he lectured in a low voice, watching as her lips curved further.
"Seems like it never is," she sing-songed, her eyes twinkling as she moved her hands back up his chest. Her fingers danced on his shoulders as she moved to stand in front of him. Then towering over him, she grinned, her eyes laughing. "You know I've missed you these past few weeks," Haley told him.
She moved her knee up to rest beside him on the chair, her arms on either side of him.
"Don't do this now, Haley," he warned her.
"Don't do what?" she taunted him. "This?" And then she was on the chair with him, straddling his waist, her dress bunching up around her thighs as her eyes laughed into his.
"Yes, Jesus." He hissed out a breath, reaching his hand up to pull at his hair. "What are you doing?" he demanded, keeping his voice low so that only she could hear him, keeping in mind that nearly everyone at the party had their eyes on them.
But she only kept smiling. That dark seductive smile that she knew had him every time. "Oh, I think you know by now." Leaning in, she pulled his bottom lip between her teeth.
He could smell the alcohol, nearly making him curse aloud. "Haley," he growled. "Stop it."
"Is that what you want?" She teased him by spreading her legs wider, grinding into him and nearly making his eyes turn into the back of his head. Then she gave him a sultry grin, moving her hand down to grasp him in her fingers. "Didn't think so."
He swatted her hand away, sending her a steely look. "Would you cut it out?"
She crushed his lips were her own, grasping his face in his hands and pulling it harder against hers. Her lips were dangerously addictive. He tore his away.
Her breathing was jagged, her body pressed darkly against his own. She leaned in closer to him, their panting breaths mingling. "I know you want it too, I can feel it. Don't you want it, Nate? Or are you going to try and deny it?" she taunted him, her fingers playing with the buttons of his shirt, slowly un-doing them. One by one. "Imagine if we did it right here on this chair."
The words were barely out of her mouth before he was out of the chair and yanking her with him. He pulled her from the circling crowd that had formed around them, jerking her towards the stairs where he nearly dragged her up them.
Her own breath was caught in her throat as he pulled her hastily down a narrow hallway. He came to a door, which he shoved open and then thrust her inside, following behind and slamming the door closed.
She was crushed against his chest a second later, his mouth crashing down on hers. He hurled them both into a mind-shattering kiss. His lips devoured hers, pressing against them recklessly and forcing them wider. His tongue thrust into her mouth hard, a strangled cry coming from her throat. But he ignored it, plunging back into the depths of her mouth.
The kiss was frustration. It was want. It was greed and desperation and need. It was everything that had been bottled up inside of them for weeks. It was rough and demanding, neither backing down from the challenge.
He was pulling her hair. She was clawing at his back. They stumbled with each other around the room. It was dark so they tried to navigate towards a bed or a chair...hell, even a wall would do.
Her body pushed against his, sending sparks of heat darting through him. He forced her head back, losing himself in her taste. Their tongues battled, their lips fought. It was a frenzy of needs and desires. He felt himself losing control.
Nathan wrenched his mouth from hers, pushing her away from him. "You're drunk," he spat out in disgust.
Her eyes shot open, wide and blurry. She blinked away the haze and felt them spark. Her mind was fuzzy but she ignored it. Shaking her head she stepped towards him again, reaching out.
He pushed her away again, moving back and eying her with disdain. "Would you stop it?"
"Nathan..." she trailed off, unable to understand what he was saying. Well, of course she was drunk, now what was the problem? "What are you doing?"
"What am I doing?" he asked her incredulously. "How about, what the hell are you doing?"
She gazed at him with puzzlement in her eyes, shaking her head again. "What is your problem?"
"My problem? My problem is you, Haley! Damnit! You're a fucking mess!" He grunted in disgust. "Do you have any idea what you were doing out there? Do you ever have any idea what you're doing?"
She felt her anger ignite now, her eyes burning into him, her jaw set. "I wasn't the only participant, Nathan," she ground out, crossing her arms over her chest as a defense. "You weren't exactly struggling to get away from me just now."
"That's just it," he argued. "You...you just do that to me! You know what you do to me and you use it as complete power. Damn you, Haley. You're out of control!"
"I'm the one who's out of control?" She let out an incredulous laugh. "Oh, and I suppose we should just place all the blame on me then. Because I was the one who came over every night in search of sex," she hissed out.
He scoffed. "We aren't talking about that."
"Oh and why not? Is it because then we might have to talk about what happened?" She was taunting him and she knew it. She needed to wield a sort of power over him. She needed it. "Huh? Are you being a coward again, Nate? Because that's what you are, isn't it? Sneaking out of bed when you thought I was sleeping, removing every emotional aspect of the situation." Her lips curved dangerously. "And then you slip up and spend the night. But that was just about all the emotional attachment you could take, isn't it?"
"Stop it."
"Coward," she hissed. "You just got scared, didn't you?" She moved towards him now, her palms hitting flat on his chest where she shoved him back. He stumbled, looking down unbelieving into the fire in her eyes. "Didn't you?" She shoved him again. "It had felt so good waking up next to me. So good. So real. And you hated that. You hated that you liked it so much. So you ran. Just like the coward you really are--"
"Enough!" He cut her off, his voice as sharp and jagged as broken glass.
Her eyes widened and she felt a shiver down her spine. But she didn't falter from it. "Why? Because you know I'm telling the truth? Because you know that you ran away terrified that you had shown just an ounce of feeling towards me!"
"I said enough, Haley. You don't have any idea what you're talking about." But she did, and that was what was hurting him now. He was a coward, he did run away from reality. But he kept his eyes cold on her. "Besides, it isn't like I'm the only one who knows how to run away. You seem to have a knack for it too, don't you babe?"
His words were like ice when they hit her. She shuddered. "Is that what this really is about? Still?" Her voice was loud and rough, making her stumble in her dark and drunk state of mind. "You want to place blame, Nathan? Then do it." She let out an unsteady breath. "Fine. It's all my fault that we're in this fucked up situation!" She felt sick, her body was trembling, her head spinning.
He just scoffed, turning away from her. "You know what..." He turned back around, the words dying from his lips as he watched her shaking in front of him. Tears were running down her cheeks now, going completely unnoticed by her. "Nevermind," he murmured.
"No, go ahead. What were you going to say? Were you going to tell me what a fuck up I am? Tell me how much you hate me? Come on, Nate. Don't back down now, let's just get it all out on the table." Her fingers were clenched together in a fist, her chest heaving. She stared at him through her hard and blurred eyes, not even acknowledging that she seemed to be crying.
When he didn't say anything she stepped forward. But he only moved back, looking down at her, his anger nearly blinding him. He merely rolled his eyes. "You're drunk, Haley."
She stepped back at his words, her eyes darting at him. "And so what? I don't feel?"
"You don't even know what you're doing, Haley! You won't even remember this tomorrow." He watched as her body swayed with drunkenness and felt his own stomach tighten. He shook his head in disgust. "Go find Lucas, Haley. Have him take you home. I'm done."
And then it was just her standing alone in the middle of the room, tears running down her cheeks and the strap of her dress drooping off of her shoulder. She let out a lonely sob, reaching up and feeling the tears that were cascading down her face. God, she was a mess.
~*~
The slamming of the door echoed inside his head. Damnit!
He slammed the door again.
With his fingers clenched into a fist he banged it onto the hood of the car. Damnit! He didn't even know what he was doing. He was so out of control. Emotions streamed through him, twisting and curling and sending him into a fit of anger and frustration.
He hated seeing her like that. He hated listening to her say the words that were too close to the truth, hated listening to her weary and broken voice. And most of all he hated the look in her eyes.
It was a look that wasn't shown very often. Haley had always been good at keeping her emotions hidden and under control. But he knew. He always knew. And when she had stared back at him with those wide brown and shattered eyes he knew that he had to get out of there.
It seemed like he could see through her when she would look at him like that. Through the wet spider webbed eyelashes, through the blurry film, she'd shown him everything. It was anguish, it was pain. It was everything that he was feeling at that same moment.
She had stood there in that room with her chin up high and her back stiff, telling him everything he feared, everything he hid from. Her voice had been trembling, her body swaying. She had looked at him through her deep brown eyes and had stood there in her flowing white dress. And she had looked beautiful.
Pulling away from her in that room had been one of the hardest things he'd ever done. Her taste intoxicated him, her hands made him weak. He felt high strung and felt the adrenaline pumping through his veins. His mind blurred and his thoughts disappeared. She was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. She was everything that he had ever wanted.
So he had left her. He had left her there in the center of the room, her face flushed with anger and her eyes bright with pain. He had stormed down the stairs and had immediately rushed outside, ignoring any and all voices that had tried to stop him on his way.
He was angry. He was hurt. He was everything he'd ever felt all at once and he felt blinded by it all. He'd trudged out to his car, planning on leaving and once out there he had found that he couldn't do it. So he slammed the driver's door shut.
The action and the noise had vibrated back at him, pulsing through him and teetering him on. He slammed it again. Needing to feel the metal hit with metal. He opened it and shut it again, listing to the clanging sound, soaking it up.
He was panting hard now, his clenched fist pressing against the roof of the car as he struggled to get some control. He was so angry. So angry. And he was frustrated. Frustrated with himself and frustrated with her.
She always knew how to bend him the wrong direction. Always knew how to get him to stumble. She had mastered the art of controlling him, even drunk she could do it by just standing there and yelling at him. And oh, how he had loved to yell back at her. The words had been in his mouth just waiting for the longest time, just waiting for the right moment. And then he had snapped.
He'd snapped and she'd been right there to snap back. He had wanted to strangle her. He'd wanted to shake her until she was helpless on the floor. No one had ever made him feel like that before in his life. But oh, how he had been over come with the urge to just wrap his hands around her neck. He wanted her to scream, wanted her to cry.
And then he'd wanted to wrap his arms around her and never let go.
He banged his fist into the car again. Damnit.
~*~
Still standing alone in the room upstairs, Haley felt herself suddenly deflated. She reached up and pressed a cool hand to her spinning head. Tears dripped down her face, hitting her chest and sliding down, getting soaked up in the material of her dress. She turned around and stared at the open door way, blinking suddenly and sending another batch of her tears loose.
It was so stupid for her to cry, she knew. But she couldn't seem to help herself. Her face felt numb and at first she had barely even noticed that she was crying anyways. Now she couldn't stop. The tears flowed freely, down her cheeks, onto her lips, along her jaw. She peeked her tongue out and licked her lips, tasting the saltiness along with everything else she was feeling that had mixed in with her tears.
Her conversation that she had just had with Nathan began to go blurry and that was when she knew that she really was drunk. But even though the words had began to fade from her mind, the effect of them hadn't and it sliced through her with the same throbbing pain as before.
She let out a sob, then moved her hand to cover her mouth. She wouldn't do this, wouldn't break down. But even as the thought was flashing through her mind she felt herself shaking harder, the tears rapidly flowing now. And she knew that she had to get out of there.
She started forwards, stumbling slightly at first but then getting a grasp on herself. She was thankful that her coordination and walking ability seemed to remain even when she was drunk. It was her mind that went first, her thoughts and her awareness. But she wouldn't let herself get lost now. She just needed to get out of there.
Leaving the room, she walked down the hallway and came to the stairs, grabbing the banister as she reached them. Her eyes peered down and she felt her stomach drop. They always looked so much steeper when drunk. But she pushed herself onward, taking one step at a time and commanding herself not to stumble.
She let out a long breath when she reached the bottom. Pushing a hand to her heart. But she began to worry again as she looked around for the exit. Her mind was hazy, her steps clumsy. Finally she navigated herself to the back door and pushed her way out of it.
The cool air hit her suddenly and she sucked in a breath. Her eyes drifted closed briefly, reveling in the calm and ocean air. It smelled like salt and the sea, something that she had always been fond of. She found herself letting out another sob now, her lips trembling.
It felt so good to have the breeze hitting her and the quiet night air sucking her in. She didn't know why it made her want to weep more. Her lips curved in only the slightest of ways and she tasted the tears stronger than ever as they seeped onto her tongue.
Her steps now were slower, easier as she made her way down the pier. She looked around but didn't see too many people. She wondered why everyone had stayed inside on such a lovely night. She felt the wood creak beneath her feet, felt the splinters in the rough banister beneath her hand.
Suddenly she didn't feel the creaking wood anymore and realized that she had come to the end. Her feet sunk into the sand, the small particles seeping into her shoes, in between her toes.
She kept walking, moving further down the beach and away from the party. She hated the lights, hated the sounds. Everyone was having mindless fun. Everyone but her. She swallowed another sob, a tangled moan slipping from her lips.
Finally, the music was merely a pulse and the lights were only a flicker. She sunk down to the sand and pulled her feet up to her. Fumbling with the clasp of her shoes, she struggled to get them off but finally released her feet, stretching them out pushing them deep into the sand before her.
Her eyes went to the ocean. She watched as it seemed to sway. Back and forth. Back and forth. Her lids became heavy as she watched this. She felt a pang of envy inside of her, wishing that she could be like the sea. She wished that she could be tranquil and careless. She wanted to get lost in the waves and feel the freedom of the water.
The moon sliced through the water, golden and shimmering in the black ocean. It seemed as if it were almost under the water, the waves washing over it. She wanted the waves to wash over her. She wanted to dive into the water and let it take her away.
The waves continued to sway towards her and then back again. They seemed to be calling out to her, beckoning her to lose herself in their depths. She wanted so desperately to do so. The ocean was black as night, the party just a fading light behind her.
She pushed herself up from the sand, her eyes trained on the endless sea in front of her. Her legs took her slowly, without hesitation to the shoreline where the edges of the water met with the damp sand. She recoiled when the shock of the cool water first touched the tips of her toes. But then she took a firm step in, feeling the wet sand give underneath her weight.
The water swirled around her ankles, the tide pushing her back and then pulling her forward. She took in a deep breath, the thick and misty air filling her lungs and sending her spinning head into delirium. She took another step in, shivering as the water around her rose up, touching more skin and sending goose bumps up her arms and legs.
She brought her arms to her chest but kept walking. As she went forward, feeling her feet sink into the sloped sand beneath the water, she barely even acknowledged the cool salty ocean, rising higher and higher on her body. When it reached the fabric of her dress, the water seeped into it, soaking it and weighing it down. She kept walking.
Soon it was up to her chest, her dress soaked nearly all the way and floating around her. The tips of her hair teased the surface of the sea, growing wetter and wetter with each wave. She let out a long sigh as she threw her head back, lifting her arms up out of the water to above her head. Then she dropped them back down, letting them hit the water with a splash.
The water felt good flowing around her, the waves making it hard for her feet to stay in one place. She felt herself begin to relax, letting the sea take control of her, moving and drifting her about.
She needed this. Needed to feel this feeling of serenity. It was something that she hadn't had in a long time. The water was cool around her, bringing her body to life and starting to clear the haze from her eyes. She was still drunk, she knew, but this felt better. She didn't feel so lonely and broken all the way out in the sea. She felt carelessness and freedom, things that she knew would be lost when she left the ocean.
So she let herself sink into it, losing herself, letting go of all control. She sunk beneath the surface, letting the ocean engulf her and all of the pain that she was holding onto so tightly.
~*~
Nathan paced in front of the car. His anger teetering just on the surface. His hands were clenched and his face was tight. And he couldn't stop thinking about leaving Haley alone in there. She wasn't okay. She wasn't stable. She was drunk and broken, angry and hurting. He knew that leaving was his hasty, initial decision, but he was debating on whether or not that was the right thing to do.
He imagined her standing in that room alone, tears running down her face, her body trembling. And he swore.
He shouldn't have left her alone in there. And even though he was spitting mad and blinded by resentment, he couldn't help but feel for her. He couldn't help but care. He knew that nothing would ever change this between them. He'd never stop caring about her, he'd never stop loving her.
He thought again of her stumbling with drunkenness, he thought of her wet brown eyes. And he took off back towards the house on a curse.
His first stop was back to the room where he'd taken her, but after rushing up there and finding it empty, he was heading back down again, taking the stairs two at a time. He moved about the first floor, surveying rooms and looking out for the white of her dress.
After searching every room twice he began to panic.
Spotting Tim at the bar, Nathan jetted over towards him. He was nearly out of breath and teetering with nerves when his friend looked up at him, a confused smile coming onto Tim's face. "Hey."
"Have you seen, Haley?" he demanded, his eyes scanning about the room.
Tim's own eyes narrowed, questioning his friend. "Not since she was with you..."
He swore.
Then he was gone, pushing through the crowds of people in the kitchen and trying to look over heads in search of Haley. He saw the back door of the kitchen, wide open, and made a beeline for it.
The summer's night was cool and breezy, but he didn't acknowledge either of these things. Instead, he rushed down the pier, his eyes scanning all sides. When his feet hit the sand and he still saw no sign of her, he felt his heart launch it's way into his throat.
He remembered how Haley liked to take walks on the beach. She used to tell him that it relaxed her and gave her time to think. He remembered this because it was where she'd go sometimes after they'd had a fight. He used to always find her walking along the shore with her shoes off picking up pretty rocks. He remembered all of this fondly but couldn't bring himself to feel the pleasure of the memory, he was too caught up in the fear of where she could have gone.
Ignoring the sand as it slipped into his shoes, he took off jogging down the beach, further and further away from the party. He scanned the shore as well as the water, praying that she had stayed on the sand. It would be so like Haley to decide to take a midnight swim...and that was exactly what he was afraid of.
The shadow in the near distance had him halting his steps rather than speeding them up. He felt his heart beat skip quickly as he watched her. She was stumbling as she made her way up the shore, her body trembling viciously. Her feet were skidding and sliding along the sand, her movements jerky.
And then he was running again, his eyes never leaving her figure as he rushed towards her. He watched as she clumsily fell onto a beach log, barely catching herself with her hands and collapsing onto it.
When he finally reached her she was slumped over the log, heaving noises filling the air as she hurled out the alcohol that had been so hastily consumed. He felt a pang of guilt and sympathy for her, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat.
"Hales," he nearly croaked out and was down on his knees in the next instant, bending over her. His hands quickly gathered up her hair, pulling it away from her face as she continued to be sick. He watched her painfully, feeling the burning of tears threatening behind his eyes. Blinking quickly, he pushed away his feelings and forced himself to focus on her.
His hands rubbed her back soothingly, listening to the gagging and moaning that was sharply filling his ears. Her body was wracking with sobs and she coughed and choked until she had nothing left.
And then she merely laid her head down on the log and continued to weep.
~*~
It hadn't been difficult for him to get her home from the party. After she had cried out everything and was exhausted from the sheer insanity of the night, he'd easily convinced her to let him take her home. So, he'd picked her up from beach wood that she'd been collapsed on, taking her completely off of the ground and cradling her in his arms.
He'd trudged through the sand back towards the party but instead of going inside, he'd cut across the side of the house to where his car was parked. Her body was limp and weak and she'd barely assisted him as he'd slid her safely into the small car, fastening the seat belt and making sure that she was comfortable.
Her eyes had immediately drifted closed once she'd been seated and as he'd watched her face, he'd felt a pang in his heart. Her gut-wrenching sobs had been merely whimpers then, the light moaning and consistent tears being the only thing she'd had left. So he'd looked away, walking around to the other side of the car and getting away from the noise and chaos as fast as he could manage.
He hadn't said anything to her on the drive back to her apartment, nor had she said anything to him. But he'd known that she was awake, he'd known that she was aware. His mind had run a million miles an hour, his head and his heart fighting against each other in the same battle. He'd known that he shouldn't stay with her, he'd known that being with her longer would only get him more attached. But at the same time he'd wanted nothing more than to bundle her into bed and stay with her there for eternity.
In the end it had been his heart that'd won out.
Opening her door, he looked down at her slumped figure and felt his teeth clench. Her face, red from crying, was streaked with mascara and damp from the tears that continued to slip through her closed lids. He knew that she wasn't sleeping, and he knew that she wasn't relaxed. She was trying to block out her feelings and the pain, but from what he could tell, she wasn't successful.
He reached in, sliding his arm around her waist and hauling her up from the seat. Her arms came around his neck immediately and clung to him, her legs dangling until he set her slowly onto the ground.
"My shoes," he heard her murmur, her voice surprising him slightly.
After closing the car door, he turned his head to her, his eyes direct on her grief stricken face. "What?"
She licked her dry lips, her arms still banded around him, keeping her upright. "I left my shoes at the beach."
He blinked slowly, her words just rambles that had him nodding, unsure of what to say to her. "I'll get them tomorrow," he promised, steering her towards the apartment.
He practically dragged her up the stairs, her feet limp and useless as she clutched onto him, letting herself be guided up. Getting inside, he soon found out, proved to be much more difficult. When he realized that she didn't have her purse with her, which held the key, he blew out a frustrated breath, wondering how the hell they'd ever get into the apartment.
It was then that he remembered, feeling slightly foolish and guilty, that he'd kept his spare key to the apartment when he'd moved out. Taking out his car keys from his pocket, he shuffled them around on the ring until he discovered the key to the apartment. Fitting it into the lock and turning it successfully had him sighing in relief and pushing the door open into the dark apartment.
Once in the room, he closed the door behind them and moved them towards the back bedroom. He switched the light on, feeling Haley wince beside him, and sat her on the bed, watching as her body swayed carelessly.
It was then that he realized that the whole front of him was soaking wet. Frowning, he ran a hand over the dampness of his shirt and directed his eyes back onto her. He could have laughed at the sheer irony of it. She was drenched from head to toe.
He'd been so caught up in getting her away from the party and back to the apartment that he'd completely overlooked the fact that she'd been dripping with water. He'd felt it of course, when he'd been rubbing her back and again when he'd carried her away from the party, but it wasn't until now that it registered in his mind.
He could only stare at her now. Her hair was a wet and stringy mess, sticking to her face and head, tousled from everything that had gone on. Sand stuck to her body, the particles dancing up her legs and onto her dress. The dress, which he now wondered how he'd ever overlooked, was practically plastered to her body. The white of it making it nearly transparent. Her breasts heaved from the top of the dress, the wet material had slipped down, revealing the tops of them and a peek of purple lace that was edging up from the fabric.
He hissed out a breath. "You're all wet," was all he could think to say.
Eying him blankly for a moment, Haley glanced down at her body and took in her appearance, dragging her gaze back up to him. "Yeah," she breathed out, her fingers running along the wet cloth of her dress. "I wanted to..." She swallowed then, her throat dry and aching from the previous gagging that she had been doing. "I went into the water."
He wanted to ask her why she would do something like that. He wanted to scold her for being so stupid as to wander into the ocean in the middle of the night while she was drunk off her ass and could barely walk straight. But he kept his mouth closed, knowing that she didn't need his scolding nor his opinions. He knew that he was no longer responsible for anything she did, he was no longer responsible for her.
And yet...he was there with her now.
He wanted to question himself then, wonder what he was doing there when he had no obligation to her what so ever, but he knew the answer even before he'd asked himself the question. He knew that he just needed to be there for her. For her...and for himself.
"You should get in bed," he instructed, tearing himself out of his painful thoughts. He didn't want to care so much. He didn't want to love her. He couldn't help it though, it was a fact that he would simply have to get used to. But now, his priority was taking care of her.
"I.." She struggled with the words, her throat raw and aching with each sound she uttered. "I'm all wet."
He nodded at the fact, unsure of what she wanted him to tell her.
Her eyes were wide and helpless as she looked up at him. "Will you help me?" she asked him, her voice weak and hollow.
He swallowed then, hard. It was a question that he hadn't expected, catching him off guard and had him stuttering for a response. He knew what the request held and wasn't sure what the right answer was. He knew that she genuinely needed help, and it wasn't as if he hadn't ever seen her naked, but it was something that he wasn't sure he could handle. She was his undoing and no matter how drunk either of them was, it wouldn't change that fact.
She was standing now, her fingers playing with the strap on her shoulder and she turned around so that her back was to him. The silent request had him sucking in a breath and he slowly moved over towards her, unable to stop himself.
His fingers clasp the small metal of her zipper and hesitated slightly before pulling it downwards. It came down slowly, revealing and exposing the skin in the most tantalizing of ways. He felt his palms grow damp and nearly cursed himself. He was being foolish. Pulling the zipper the rest of the way down, he removed his hands and hastily shoved them into his pockets.
Her head turned now, her eyes locking with his, the frown apparent in them. "I um..." She swayed slightly as she spoke. "Could you maybe get me some clothes. I..."
He could tell that it was taking a lot of her to form the words and he nodded stupidly, turning immediately to her dresser. He opened the top drawer, knowing that it was where she kept her night clothes, and spotted a blue and white jersey sitting on top. His fingers froze as they skimmed over the material. It was one of his old jerseys, one that she had stolen from him and had then continued to sleep in. He remembered how sexy she looked in it, the jersey nearly three times too big for her. He remembered how it had been so easy for him to slip it over her head...how she'd never used to wear anything under it.
"Nathan?"
Her questioning voice broke him out of his thoughts and he quickly snatched the jersey from the drawer, turning back to her.
The sight before him had him freezing in his place, the jersey still hanging limply in his fingers. He blinked twice before the haze in his eyes started to clear, his mind whirling in overdrive. And all he could manage was a low exhale of breath.
She'd slipped the dress from her body, standing in front of him now in just the tiny swatches of her bra and panties, both in matching lacy, purple. He felt his breath catch and stared shamelessly. Her fingers were fiddling together, clenched at her stomach, and her eyes were large and seemingly innocent, as if she had no idea what effects she had on him. Finally, he forced his gaze up to meet hers and watched as her head angled in question. He gulped.
A small, smirking smile coming to her face was just about all she could manage for him at that point. Then, staring expectantly at him, she motioned towards the jersey. He tore his gaze from her body, looking dumbfounded at the forgotten shirt.
"Right," he blew out, thrusting the jersey at her.
She only smiled back in return, not moving to take the shirt from his waiting fingers. Instead, she simply lifted her arms over her head.
His mouth went dry.
Ignoring the obvious pleasure that he was getting just from the sight of her, he cleared his throat and moved forward. Then, lifting the jersey up, he slipped it over her arms and pulled until the silky material slid down her body. She dropped her arms and tugged on the shirt, making sure it was fully into place.
"Thanks," Haley murmured, her voice thick and full of exhaustion.
Fully aware of the fact that his eyes were on her, she slipped a hand up her jersey and found the clasp of her bra, fiddling with it until it popped out from it's place. She watched as his eyes widened and nearly giggled aloud. Then she pulled the lacy material down and held in between her fingers in front of her.
"I hate these things," she told him, barely hiding her smirk.
He could only stare. "Yeah," he blew out, wondering if she was trying to kill him or not.
The bra drifted to the floor as she let her fingers go loose and he watched her body sway, a line coming between her brows in a frown. And it was then that he remembered why they were there in the first place.
Pushing away any wanton thoughts from his mind, Nathan stepped towards her, his hand reaching out, grabbing onto her arm to steady her. She looked up and met his gaze and his heart nearly broke all over again as he watched the deep, brown pools swim with emotion.
"Come on."
He guided her over to the bed, taking care to keep her unsteady body from collapsing. Slipping his arm around her waist, he held her firmly as his free hand pulled the covers down and situated the pillows.
After assisting her into the bed, he pulled the covers up around her and allowed himself to look down at her tired face. She stared back up through sleepy eyes and offered him a warming smile. Taking it hesitantly as an invitation, he dropped down onto the mattress with a sigh and locked gazes again.
"Crazy night," he murmured.
She nodded against the pillow, feeling her emotions spike and burn in her throat. She swallowed hard, feeling the lump in her throat growing. "Yeah," she breathed.
"Yeah," he echoed in the same hushed and reflecting tone. He stared at her face, taking in every inch of it. Unable to stop himself, he brought his hand up to her cheek, rubbing it lightly with the pad of his thumb. "You scared me tonight, Haley," Nathan whispered.
Her eyes filled at that and she blinked rapidly, trying to vanish all evidence of her tears. "I'm sorry," she promised him. A single, thick tear escaped from her lid and rolled down her cheek, getting caught when Nathan brushed it away. "I'm sorry for tonight. I'm sorry for everything." A sob choked it's way from her lips.
"Shh," he soothed immediately, bringing both hands up to frame her face. "It's okay, it's okay."
"No." Haley shook her head in opposition, more tears sliding down her face. "No, it's not okay."
He could only shake his head, keeping a firm grasp on her face when she tried to turn away from him. "It doesn't matter right now, Hales. You just need to get some sleep, you're exhausted."
Her eyes stayed locked on his for a moment longer, both of them knowing that what couldn't be talked about then would have to be discussed later. Her gaze challenged his, daring him to say something. But he remained silent, moving his hands away from her face to place them back in his lap.
"Yeah," she said softly, sniffling away any on-coming tears. "Yeah."
He nodded in agreement, pushing himself off of the bed and back onto his feet. She turned away from him then, her cheek sliding into the pillow and her remaining tears rolling onto it. She heard him fussing around the room, picking up her discarded clothes, hanging her wet dress on the door. But he never made a move to leave the room.
More silent tears cascaded down her cheeks, her eyes squeezing tightly closed to stop them. She pulled up the covers, bringing them up to her chin and covering her mouth, muffling any sobs that managed to escape from her lips.
She heard his light footsteps move back over towards the bed, knew that his eyes were on her. "Nathan?" she heard herself whispering into the silence of the room.
"Hmm?"
She opened her mouth to speak but found that she couldn't formulate the words. Hesitating, she turned around to face him, her eyes opening to stare directly into his. "Do you..." she trailed off, licking at her dry lips. "Do you still love me?"
Without being able to stop himself, he sucked in a breath at the question and reached up to run a hand over his face. "Yes." He couldn't lie to her, knew he couldn't lie to even himself. "But...Haley, we just have a lot of things to figure out."
She pushed on a small smile, it never reaching her eyes. "I don't know if I understand it. If I love you, and you love me...what's there to figure out?"
His heart skid in his chest as words so familiar were thrown back in his face. He blinked at her words, letting them sink in. They sounded different coming from someone else...coming from her. He realized now what he hadn't realized then, he realized that it wasn't as simple as love, even for them. It hadn't been then and it wasn't now. He just wasn't sure what was left.
He turned his gaze back to her, his mouth open ready to speak. But when his eyes fell on her, he saw that she had fallen asleep. The words disappeared from the tip of his tongue, remaining unsaid, unexpressed.
