Your Makeup Stains My Pillowcase
By Katie
Chapter Six
A week later, Haley could have swore that she was still feeling the hang over. Just the thought of alcohol made her insides curl and her head spin. But that didn't even begin to do justice to what she had felt the morning after the party. Along with a ruined dress and lost shoes, she'd woken up with a mind-spitting migraine, a raw and burning throat, and a stomach full of jelly. She'd nearly thrown up all over again, and would have if there'd been anything left to throw up.
She'd also woken up that morning to the sight of Nathan sleeping wearily in a chair next to her bed. Forgetting all about the hell that her body was going through, she'd been filled with a feeling of warmth and hope. It had pleased her to see him lying in the stiff chair, eyes closed and seemingly relaxed. It had touched her in ways that she hadn't experienced in a long time. He'd stayed with her, he'd stayed for her.
He'd woken up not minutes later, snapping into caring mode and pushing her to swallow some aspirin for the aches and pains that throbbed throughout her body. Then he'd left her to shower while he'd prepared breakfast for her. She'd been deeply touched that he'd done all of this for her, and she could still remember distinctly, the sharp overwhelming feeling, a mixture of pleasure and pain, that she'd felt seeing him standing at the kitchen stove, making her breakfast as he had done many times before.
But when breakfast had been finished, and when she'd assured him that she was feeling better, he'd been out the door as fast as he could manage. Though it had hurt slightly, listening to his reasons for why he needed to get home and then watching him nearly sprint out the door, she couldn't help but feel relieved. It turned out that she actually remembered more than she'd expected from the night before.
The two hadn't been too talkative during their breakfast, both taking care to stay on safe grounds in means of conversation. Him, worried about what she did actually recall from the night, and her, trying to wrap her head around everything that she did recall. Which did in fact include the events taken place in her bedroom. She remembered every word that had been said.
"Tutorwife, you're snoozing on me here, come on."
Haley felt herself break away from her thoughts, looking up to meet Brooke's questioning gaze. She blinked the haze from her eyes.
"Am I boring you?" the brunette teased. "Where'd you go?"
"Oh, no. Sorry." Haley reached up to run a hand through her hair, letting out a short breath. "I was just...thinking," she filled in for Brooke.
"Something we're all often guilty of, I must admit. You're forgiven. However, don't let it happen again," Brooke advised, pointing an instructing finger towards Haley. "Focus Haley, I'm clueing you in on tonight's agenda."
Haley let out an easy laugh and leaned back against the couch in her living room, where she and Brooke were currently sitting. She gestured with her hand, "Continue, please."
"Alright." The cheery girl clapped her hands together, letting them rest in her lap as she leaned forwards, anticipating Haley's reaction. "First, we get all hot and made up. Then--"
"Oh, I don't like the sound of this already," Haley muttered, getting a warning look from Brooke in return.
"Then," Brooke continued sternly, daring her friend to object her. "We're meeting up with Peyton and the guys at the pool bar, where I will proceed to kick everyone's asses in pool."
"Brooke," Haley immediately went to decline.
"Oh, don't worry Hales, you can be on my team," Brooke promised and received a less than amused glare. "Don't you give me that face," she instructed. "I know what you're thinking and that is just not going to fly. You're not backing out of this. We're going to have fun."
"Like we had fun last weekend, you mean?" Haley countered and Brooke merely rolled her eyes.
"I had fun." Haley frowned. "You brought that upon yourself, pal. Maybe if you weren't still swimming in your self-pity, you'd realize that the rest of the pool is way more fun."
"Nice analogy," Haley dead-panned.
Brooke smirked, despite herself. "Did you like that?"
~*~
When they arrived at the pool bar, they found it to be surprisingly less crowded than it usually was on a Friday night. Still, there was loud music, flowing beer, and the sound of ball cracking. Brooke smiled easily at the sight, tightening her grasp on Haley's arm as they entered. She turned her head to study her friend's face, which remained blank and stubborn.
"I'm warning you, Haley. There will be no party-pooping tonight, got it?"
Haley merely rolled her eyes, trying to slip her arm away from Brooke's death grip but failing. "Um, I wasn't even thinking of indulging myself, in any kind or form, of party-pooping. So, don't worry, your night won't be ruined."
"I'm sensing a kind of sarcastic undertone in your voice young lady, are you being flippant with me?"
"No," Haley ground out, but yanked her captured arm free and walked over towards where they'd spotted everyone.
Everyone included Peyton, Tim, Lucas, the rivercourt guys, a few of the basketball players, a handful of cheerleaders, and of course, Nathan. They took up almost 3 of the back booths and were currently using 4 of the pool tables. Haley trudged over and dropped herself down next to Peyton, silently thankful that the blonde was seated in the furthest booth from where Nathan sat.
Lucas watched the set frown on Haley's face, contrasting to the wide, chirpy grin that graced Brooke's lips. He raised an eyebrow when the bubbly, brunette sizzled up to him, turning his head away from his best friend and eying her. "Someone doesn't look too thrilled to be here tonight," Lucas commented, motioning to Haley.
Brooke blew out an exasperated breath. "Tell me about it. She's been the queen of bitch since I picked her up."
"Yeah, well," Lucas reasoned. "She isn't the only one bitter tonight." And both their eyes simultaneously went to Nathan.
The darker haired boy was currently sulking to himself in the corner both with a half drunken beer and a scowl. Like Haley, he'd been dragged out of his room tonight and had been made to promise that he'd have fun. Since that promise was shot to hell now, he decided it was in everyone's best interest if he just kept his frowning mouth closed and observed everything going on around him in his normal resent-filled fashion.
He was less than pleased that his homely brother had taken it upon himself to help Nathan out. Lucas had done just about everything shy of hauling him over his shoulder out of the house and now couldn't even take the time to bother with him. Which was just fine in Nathan's opinion, he didn't want to talk to him either. He just wanted to silently watch everyone and silently pass his crude judgements.
And speaking of Haley, what was she doing there? She was just about the last person he wanted to see right now. Of course, he hadn't seen her since the whole party scenario went down last week, giving him no new specific reason to hate her. But, left to his own inclination, he'd managed to find one. The woman was now firmly placed in his mind, unable to be shaken and driving him mad. He'd never been so frustrated with anything in his life. Which was all the reason he needed to hate her.
And yes, maybe he was being just a smidge unfair, but he couldn't have cared less. She was the reason that he'd spent the better half of the week pulling out his own hair. After that night in her room he'd felt obliged to stay and care for her. Thinking back now, he thought it was a rather foolish thing to do, and he often wondered why he'd done it in the first place.
Since he already knew the answer to that wondered question, and it didn't make him the least bit pleased, he'd decided to come up with a new one. It was merely out of habit that he'd stayed the night and morning with her. It wasn't as if he needed, or even wanted, to stay and care for her. It was simply a habit that he'd grown accustomed to.
And if anyone doubted or questioned his reasoning then they could kiss his ass.
Oh, and wasn't he bitter tonight. And it must be a severe, foul mood when even he had to admit it. But he wasn't going to be taking the blame for this rotten demeanor, oh no, this was all on Haley, his trouble making, mind controlling wife.
He slanted his glare sideward, letting his eyes fall upon his said wife and Peyton as the blonde chirped happily, Haley's only responses short. Her scowl matched his, as did her stance. She was sitting against the wall of the booth, arms crossed over her chest and body slumped. Hmm, looks like he wasn't the only one miserable tonight. Well good, Nathan mused, she definitely deserved it.
"Hey, Nate."
He looked up when he heard his brother's insistent voice calling him, his frown still firmly set. He met Luke's gaze with a smoldering expectant one.
"You want to get your ass kicked by me in pool?" the fairer haired boy asked him with a laugh.
Nathan was less than amused. "No."
Still smirking, Lucas rolled his eyes. "Come on Nathan, one game."
"No."
Lucas leaned against the booth, crossing his arms lazily and sighing at his brother's attitude of the night. "You know, I didn't invite you to come here so that you could sit around and wallow."
"Well," Nathan surmised. "Then I guess next time you'll think twice before forcing me to come out with you."
"Don't be an asshole, Nate."
Nathan glowered at Brooke as she slithered up next to Lucas. "Fuck you," he hissed out to her.
"Oh now, you know I'd let you but I think it'd be crossing just a bit too many lines, don't you?" Brooke teased. "I mean I'm screwing your brother, you're married to my friend. Not to mention all of the dirty fantasies playing through your head about her right now--"
"Shut the fuck up," he snapped back at her, shutting her up but not wiping the smirk off of her face.
"Sore spot?" she guessed viciously and watched as his anger seethed. Keeping his gaze held with his for another moment, she then turned to Lucas a bright smile appeared on her face. "I'll play you," she challenged the blond. "Loser gets hand-cuffed." And then she was pulling him off towards the pool tables.
All Nathan could do was roll his eyes.
~*~
"Ha-ley!"
She fought the urge to cringe as she heard Brooke's chipper voice sing-songing towards her. Gazing up from her place in the booth, where'd she'd been sitting for the entire night, she met the brunette's gaze with her own blank one.
"Well," Brooke observed. "That sure is a yucky expression that you're wearing."
Haley blinked. "Have you been drinking?"
"That's right." Brooke grinned, ignoring her friend's bland look. They had been at the pool bar for hours already and Haley hadn't moved or smiled the entire time that they'd been there. This fact not going unnoticed by Brooke, who had just about had it with Haley's foul mood. She hadn't brought the girl out so that she could sulk around and wish that she wasn't anywhere near her husband. It was just too damn bad for Haley that Nathan had shown up. Hell, it was too damn bad for everyone that Nathan had shown up, the boy--and girl for that matter, were just sucking the party dry.
And Brooke Davis felt that she should put a stop to this nonsense.
"We're going to play a game," the cheery girl announced, looking pointedly at Haley. She looked back at everyone who had quieted and gathered around her. "How about some 'I Never'? Huh?" A slow and potentially dangerous smile graced her lips as she motioned for everyone who wanted to play to sit down at the table.
Once everyone was seated, Brooke squeezed in next to Haley and motioned to the waitress for another round of shots. Let the games begin.
~*~
"Okay, okay!" Peyton relented, a wide smile gracing her lips as giggles erupted through them. "I'll drink!" she said through the raucous of hooting and laughter. She lifted the shot glass but paused before consuming the liquid. "But let me tell you, it wasn't my fault. I didn't know that it was a girl when I kissed her."
"Oh please, Peyton!" Theresa blew out, controlled by her laughter as well. "You might have been drunk but you knew what was going on!"
Their area up roared in laughter and cheers again, tables shaking and shots spilling as they rolled with the humor of it all. They were all surprised that they hadn't been kicked out yet, a bunch of rowdy teens causing noise and chaos out to be, but they kept to themselves and made sure to order lots and lots of booze.
And lots of booze they'd certainly had. Their game of 'I never' had been going on for 20 minutes and already just about every one of them was drunk off their asses. Everyone except for Haley that is. She'd been quiet through out the game, sitting silently beside Brooke and preferring to observe rather than to play. Of course she'd had her share of shots, you really couldn't play a game with Brooke and not, but she was far less trashed than the rest of them. And she planned for it to stay that way.
"Alright, everybody!" Brooke called to attention, still giggling herself. "Let's keep playing, we'll have to discuss Peyton's act of lesbianism another time." She snorted and sent the blonde a teasing wink. "Who wants to go next?"
"I guess I will." Peyton licked her lips as she thought. "Alright, since it seems to me that most of the girls here are way more gone than the guys, this ones for them. I've never told a girl that I was at least an inch more than I am."
As the girls hooted with laughter, the guys rolled their eyes and sat back stubbornly.
"Oh, come on!" Tim spoke up. "We've all done it!" And with that he downed his shot.
Everyone was thrown into another fit of hysteria.
"I've never stuffed my bra."
Brooke directed her eyes towards Tim as she reached for her shot. "You sure about that?"
"Ha ha." But he smiled anyways, watching her down the liquor.
"I've never written trash about an ex-boyfriend on the bathroom wall."
Lucas chuckled along with everyone, caught up in the game himself, but he sent a sideways glance towards Nathan, who remained in the corner booth sulking. He felt his smile falter as he watched his brother take small sips of his beer...the same beer that he'd been working on all night, and he couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt and sympathy. It sucked that Nathan couldn't enjoy himself that night, he just wished that he could do something to make it better.
"Hey Nate," he called and watched the other boy's eyes flicker up towards his. "Come and play."
"No thanks," Nathan muttered, his expression tight and hard.
Lucas rolled his eyes at that. "Come on, man. Have a little fun."
By that point Brooke had overheard and had turned her attention towards the bitter boy, her lips curling into a thoughtful expression. "Yeah, come on, Nate. Why don't you take a break from 'pity me' mode and join the fun."
"Bite me, Brooke," Nathan grit out, his fingers tightening their hold on his glass.
She seemed delighted at that, smirking dangerously. "What? You only came out tonight to shoot death glares at Haley all night, is that it?"
Haley's head jerked to look at Brooke, her gasp audible.
His eyes sparked at her words, his body becoming rigid. "Oh, please," he blew out heatedly. "Sorry I don't want to play your petty, little game, but the least you could do is mind your own business."
"My petty, little game?" she echoed with a laugh. "Hmm, can't say you've ever thought of it quite like that before." She paused dramatically. "You know, all of those times when you used to play. Could this be a special occasion? Or..." Her gaze flickered with venom. "Are you just afraid we'll know all of your secrets?"
"Yeah, Brooke," he murmured sarcastically. "That's what I'm afraid of."
She chuckled. "Fine, Nathan. You just sit back and drink your beer. Keep those secrets to yourself and watch us all have fun."
He knew that she was just taunting him, knew that he shouldn't fall for it, but... "I don't have secrets, Brooke," Nathan bit out, nearly flinching when she smiled in triumph.
"Oh, okay."
"I don't."
"Then, what's the big deal? Play."
"I don't..." He trailed off, his eyes locked hard on her's as she challenged him silently. "Fine. I'll play," he bit out, each word tasting vile as it was choked up.
Brooke didn't even bother to hide her grin. "Then pull up a chair, my friend, and we'll start this game for real."
It started off slow, friendly even. The jabs were playful and teasing like. Everyone seemed to be having a blast, even Nathan. Brooke had urged Haley more into the game, pushing her to swallow shots even when it didn't really apply to her. Everyone was just having a good old time. Of course, some had wandered off, concluding that if they drink anymore then the drive home wasn't going to happen, but some were still there playing.
Nathan tried to keep at least a half smile on his face as he played, still feeling the emotional turmoil that he'd been dealing with for the better part of the day--week--nearly a 5 month period--whatever. He mostly kept quiet throughout the game, taking his shots respectively and passing when it was his turn to say something. And also, as the festivities went on, his eyes didn't seem to wander far from Haley.
Like himself, she'd been quiet for most of the game, taking her own shots and contributing as little as possible to the game. However, unlike him, who stared shamelessly at her, her gaze never really left the game. In fact, it seemed as if she was purposely averting her eyes from his direction. And he wasn't sure why it was bothering him so much.
He felt his palms grow sweaty, his throat go dry. Why was he feeling like this? She hadn't even spoken to him and he was feeling a sufficient amount of anger towards her. And then he realized that he didn't want her just to sit there and mind her own business. He didn't want her to act like the wounded one and ignore him. It wasn't his fault that she'd gotten on a bus and had thrown away everything that they'd ever worked for together. He didn't make her kiss Chris or tell lies to his face.
God, what was he doing? He was a mess. And right now wasn't the time to be having these thoughts. But oh, how he was angry. He was hurt, he was betrayed. And...and he had never really let go of these feelings. Not since she'd been back, not since they'd been sleeping together, not since he'd told her that he loved her. Not since...not since ever.
He swallowed hard when a lump formed in his throat. He couldn't deal with this now, he couldn't let himself break now. But even as he was telling himself to calm down, he felt his emotional walls snap, letting out everything that he'd been pushing down for months. He felt every pain, every sorrow. He re-lived every night, every moment when he'd missed her.
And when he looked across the table and watched an easy smile come to her face as she responded to something that someone had said, he felt a hidden sense of sorrow, one that he'd never let himself feel before. It hit him like a sack of bricks, hard and heavy. He couldn't breathe.
He'd never let himself feel this way because he'd always turned it into hate. He hated her. He hated her with everything that he had in him. So he wouldn't feel sad for her now, he'd hate, as he'd hated before. She betrayed him, she ruined him. And here she was trying to get back into his life, no apologies, no explanations. Didn't she realize how much she'd left broken? Couldn't she understand that it wasn't okay?
No, he wasn't sad now. He was angry. Furious. Completely consumed by his own rage. How could she have done this to him? How could she tell him that she loved him after everything?
He needed to get out of there. Oh, God he needed to leave. He couldn't be there anymore, not around her, not like this. His feelings were uncontrollable now, overwhelming and impetuous. He felt them consuming him, controlling him.
He jerked out of his chair.
"Where ya goin', Nate?" Brooke wondered happily, oblivious to the rage that seemed to be pumping through his veins. "It's your turn."
"I..." He felt his heart pounding, his head beating. All he saw was red, not the various pairs of eyes that seemed to be focused on him, not the knowing look on Haley's face. His fingers clenched the table, his knuckles white. "I've got to go."
The brunette frowned at that, angling her head towards Nathan. "No, come on. Stay." When he started to quickly shake his head, Brooke reached out and grabbed onto his shirt. "Nate, please? Just do one more."
Her plea was simple, but he knew that it was too much. He needed to get out of there before he lost it. And he was close.
His eyes shot to Haley. She was looking at him now, curious and fearful, as if she knew exactly what was running through his mind.
"Fine." He sat back down. The whole table was staring at him now, anticipating his next words. He knew he shouldn't stay, knew that he was making a mistake. But as his gaze locked with Haley's, he couldn't seem to make himself move. "I've never..." The wide brown of her eyes searched his, but his eyes were cold now, hard. "Said things I don't mean."
The table seemed puzzled at that, looking around at each other as if the person next to them knew what the right answer was. But Nathan didn't pay any attention to them. His eyes still held Haley's.
She didn't move.
He waited.
He narrowed his eyes. The crowd had gone silent. And she still didn't make a move towards her shot glass. He smirked then, evilly. "Aren't you going to drink, Haley?"
She flinched at his words, but her mouth remained closed.
He chuckled then, the taste of it sour in his mouth. "Come on, can't think of anything?" When she stayed quiet his eyes sparked. "No? Well--Oh, wait." His gaze didn't falter as his lips turned into a devious smirk. "Nevermind. I just remembered something. I have." His fingers tapped the wood of the table, the room around him quiet as all eyes settled on him. "You might remember too, it was fairly recent. Do you remember, Hales? When I told you a lie? Something I don't mean..."
"Do you still love me?"
"Yes."
Her mouth fell open now, the events of last weekend replaying in her head.
Her reaction only made his smile widen. "So you do remember." He leaned back in his seat now, pleased that he'd hurt her. "Well, I guess I'll have to go again then."
"Nathan, I don't think--"
"Don't worry about it Lucas, it's all just fun and games, right?" He nodded, assuring his brother and then turning back to everyone else. "I've got another one. And don't worry Haley, this one does apply to you." His eyes shot spears at her. "I've never made promises I couldn't keep." He leaned in, nearing her. "You might want to drink more than once."
Her eyes closed at his words, her fingers teetering on the outside of her shot glass. Finally, when her fingers curled around it, he thought he had won. But her heated gaze met his, her eyes dangerous and threatening. And then she spoke. "I've never carried something around with me for so long it all but consumed me." Her voice was low and deadly as the accusing words spilled from her mouth, directly to him.
And then she slid him the shot glass.
"Drink up."
"Not just yet." He slid back the glass, placing it in the middle of them. Then he looked up and met her hard gaze. "I've never cheated on my husband."
It hurt when it hit her, the words like knives slicing her heart. But his anger had radiated off of him onto her and she was much too furious to be wounded by his words, so she pushed them back, ready for a fight. "I've never slept with my wife's sister."
"I've never stood up my husband on prom night because I was canoodling with some tight-pantsed poser!"
"I've never lied to my wife about taking a heart test!"
They were yelling now, both standing and red-faced. The anger and the resentment seemed to simmer in the air, swirling all around them and making things heated and tensioned. Everyone around them watched, too in shock to say anything. But the two didn't notice, they were too lost in their own emotional turmoil.
"I've never gone behind my husband's back and done something that I promised not to!"
"I've never been such an unforgiving jerk that can't let go of anything!"
"I've never left you!" He relented. "I've never walked away from our marriage, from everything that we worked for! I've never turned my back on us!" He was screaming at her and he didn't care, couldn't care. He felt everything surface and shot them out at her, not even listening to what he was saying. Only what he was feeling, everything that he was feeling. "I've never hated anyone the way you've made me hate you!"
And then he was pushing back his chair and storming out of the pool bar, leaving everything in his path silent.
Haley watched him go, panting and trembling uncontrollably. A sob escaped her throat and she brought her fingers up to her lips, trying to hold on to the only control that she had left.
"Haley..." Lucas's voice was full of shock and still gaping.
Haley turned on her best friend, her movements jerking. "Give me your keys," she instructed franticly.
"Hales, I don't think that's such a good--"
"Give me your keys!" She nearly yelled it this time, her voice shaky and wavering.
"You should probably give him some--"
"No!" she denied. "No. No. He didn't mean that. He didn't. I know he didn't."
"He's angry and you're upset," Lucas reasoned, standing up to move towards his best friend. "You should both just--"
"Here," Peyton spoke up. Everyone turned as Peyton dropped her keys onto the table, sliding them over towards Haley. Haley could only blink at the girl, her mouth opening and closing, unsure what to say. "Take my car," she pressed. "I'll pick it up tomorrow."
"I...thanks." Her shaky fingers clutched around the keys, holding them tightly. "Thank you. I just need to...he doesn't..."
"I know," Peyton said with a nod of her head. "Go."
And then she was gone.
~*~
When she reached Nathan's house, she parked Peyton's car in front of it and pushed her way out, her nerves teetering on the edge. Her dash across the front lawn was quick as she forced to keep herself from backing out now. Then, without even knocking, she pushed open the front door of the Scott's mansion and wandered in.
Thankful that she'd seen only Nathan's car in the driveway, Haley continued onward, moving towards the stairs and bounding up them. Her breathing was jagged and unsteady when she reached the top, looking for recognition of Nathan's room.
When she spotted it, she pushed herself forward, hating the fact that she was so close to turning around and fearfully running all the way home. The door was cracked open just a bit so she used her hands to slide it the rest of the way open.
He was standing at the window with his back turned to her, his posture rigid and his fists clenched. She desperately hung on to her last thread.
"Nathan," Haley choked out, her voice much weaker than she wished it to be. Her fingers were trembling so she fisted them together tightly.
He didn't turn around at first, but when he did she saw that his face was hard and cold, contrasting with the anguish that burned in his eyes. "What are you doing here, Haley?" His voice was gruff and unyielding, making her feel smaller and helpless.
"Take it back," she whispered, not trusting her voice.
"What?"
"Take it back," she told him again, this time with more force. "You don't mean it." But she sounded as if she was really just trying to convince herself. "I know that you don't."
He let out a laugh then, humorless and empty within itself. "See that's where you're wrong," he assured her. "You don't know me anymore. Maybe you never did."
"Stop it. Stop saying that!"
"Go home, Haley. I'm not in the mood."
Following instinct, she took the few steps it took to get to him. The expression on his face was mild annoyance, making her seethe with frustration and anger. In the next moment, her fingers were curling around the material of his shirt and she was yanking him forward. Before he could take his next breath, her mouth was crushed onto his in a rough, hard, desperate kiss.
He let her have control for only a few seconds before he was pushing her off of him and staring down at her as she gasped for breath.
He wanted her to turn away, she knew. He wanted her to leave. But she was done giving him what he wanted, she was done letting him call the shots.
She closed the distance between them again, but instead of pulling him towards her, she was pushing him back, watching as the back of his knees hit the bed and he fell back onto it. He stared up at her, admonishing in what she had just done. His eyes were full of pain and hurt, but it was covered by the wrath that flowed through him like blood.
She stood above him, her hands on his shoulders, preventing him from moving, and she slid onto his lap. Surprise flickered into his eyes first, then frustration.
"I told you to get out, Haley," he reminded her, gritting out the words from clenched teeth. His hands moved to her hips, holding her tightly as he guided them back off of him.
But instead of following his guide, she thrust her hips forward against his, hard. He groaned at the contact, his eyes nearly rolling back into his head.
"Playing with fire now, babe," Nathan hissed. He looked up and met her gaze as a warning. "Think about what you're doing."
"I know exactly what I'm doing," she promised him, her voice sultry and dripping with dangerous lust.
She leaned forward again, capturing his lips with hers and sending them into a mind numbing state. He fought back this time, meeting her harsh and demanding kisses with his own. His lips were hard as they pressed against hers, hungry and greedy.
He moved his hand from her hip, bringing it up to tangle in her hair, holding it tightly and making her whimper the sensations that were flowing through her. He slanted his mouth against hers, thrusting his tongue in when her lips parted on a moan.
They were frantic as they worked against each other, Haley pushing herself up and pressing closer so that she could have better access to his mouth, Nathan winding her hair around his palm and using it to jerk her forward. Hands were everywhere, searching and exploring in a frenzy as they fought with themselves to forget everything. Forget everything and demand their wants.
He was rough with her, teeth biting, hands squeezing, hair pulling. She was whimpering against him, squirming in ways that had him only demanding more. He was reckless and quickly losing control. When he tasted blood from her lips, he pulled away.
They were both gasping for breath as they stared at each other, equal want and need in their eyes.
He looked away and pushed her off of his lap, standing up to pace the room.
"Go home," he told her.
From her place on the bed, Haley looked up, gaping at him. "Huh?" was the only logical thing that came from her fuzzy mind.
"Get out, go home!" he repeated, blowing out a frustrated breath as he wandered aimlessly about his room.
She could only shake her head at his words, wondering what she did wrong that made him change his mind so quickly. Haley pushed herself up from the bed. "What...?" He remained silent, his head never turning to face her. "Why are you doing this?"
He shrugged her off when she placed a hand on his arm. "You don't want this."
"Me?" she questioned incredulously. "What on earth are you talking about--and since when do you care what I want?"
"Just leave, Haley. You don't want it like this."
"Would you stop!" She reached out a hand and stopped his pacing, turning him to face her. "Gosh, what is wrong now?"
When his eyes settled on her they were burning with anger. "Everything. Damn it, don't you get it?"
"No, I guess I don't." She placed her hands on her hips. "Why don't you be so kind and explain it to me."
He turned away from her now. "Just go."
"No, I'm not going to just go!" She said it with force but her yell was weary. His back was to her as she said it and she was momentarily grateful that he wasn't looking at her when she spoke, sure that she would break under the pressure of his gaze. "You just expect me to give up, Nathan. You expect me to just let it go." She let out a hard and unsteady exhale. "You want me to walk out of here so that you can prove that you're right. So that you can prove that I'll walk away from us. You want--"
"You don't know what I want!" he cut her off harshly, his tone and words smacking into her and nearly leaving her breathless.
God, she was afraid. She was so terrified, but she knew that she couldn't back away from it now. She had gotten herself too far deep to just walk away. And more than that, he expected her to walk away. He expected exactly what she had done to him months before...and Haley didn't blame him. Not for a second.
But she wished that he could find a way to look past it. She needed him to open his heart and give her another chance. And she'd prove to him that they could make it work, she'd prove to him that it'd be worth it...if only she could get him to listen to her. She needed to get through to him, but she didn't really know how.
The guy was like a brick wall when it came to opening up and expressing feelings and forgiveness, he just wouldn't budge. Or at least he wouldn't budge in the ways that she wished him to. However, there was still a way that she knew, to get through to him. Fortunately--or unfortunately sometimes-- for her, Nathan was the typical teenage guy, living off of his hormones. Therefore, there was one sure way to get through to him. Sex.
She stared at his back and willed herself to get the courage to go through with this. He wasn't exactly in the most ecstatic of moods and being harshly rejected didn't sound at all appealing at this point in time. She let her eyes close for a minute, taking in a slow, steady breath. God, she was going to die.
Opening her eyes again, she pushed her feet forward and reached out to grip his arm. "I know you want me." Her voice was steady, sure, and just a bit sultry, making his body tense under her fingers.
He turned around now, with her hand still on his forearm, with his eyes dark and dangerous. She fought the urge to gulp. His face was hard and unforgiving, his gaze smothering and belittling. "You don't even want to begin to know what you're doing right now, Haley." He tried to say it calmly but she could tell that he was forcing the words out between his teeth, making them painful to hear.
But she willed herself forward, now placing both hands on his hips as she stared up at him. "Try me." Leaning up, she took his bottom lip between her teeth, delighted to hear him groan in response. Then, turning her head, she buried it into the curve of his neck, placing her lips there and trailing them upward slowly to his ear. She heard his hiss of breath as he reached out to grip her waist, steadying them both. "It's been so long," Haley whispered to him, the feel of her hot breath on his skin sending shivers through his body. "Be with me."
"It'd be a mistake," he promised her, his voice still harsh but now more tense and begging for control.
She let out a short laugh at his words, at the irony of them. "We did it for weeks," she reminded him ruefully. "It was always a mistake. Every time."
"I'm angry, Haley. I'm not feeling very friendly at the moment," Nathan warned her, trying to sway her decision because he knew that he was now unable to do it himself.
She laughed again at his words, banding her arms tightly around his waist. "Neither of us are feeling very friendly at the moment."
Her lips were close to his now, hovering above in the most tantalizing of ways. His breathing was hard and quick, mingling with her own pants. When her lips were just barely touching his, he spoke again. "I'm going to hurt you," he whispered, once more leaving it up to her.
But she made no move to walk away from it. Instead, her hands slid up his back, gripping onto his shoulders. "So hurt me." And then she covered his mouth with her own.
He had her backed up into the wall, sandwiching her between it and his hard body, making her immobile and helpless. He was completely taken over by his own desire as he recklessly devoured her mouth, making her weak with need. His body slanted over hers, sparks of heat shocked through them, making them shudder and hurdle themselves into a new realm of want.
The quick lick of desire sparked through her, spreading like a flame and burning from the pit of her stomach to between her legs. She arched helplessly against him, thrusting into him and making them both mad. He wretched his mouth from hers, immediately fixating it onto her vulnerable skin on her neck. She panted out a moan, reveling in the feelings that ran through her like wild fire.
He worked his mouth desperately against her, sinking in his teeth and sucking until the skin was red and pulsing. She whimpered at the feeling, her eyes squeezing tightly shut, torn between pleasure and pain. Her fingers went to his shirt, tugging it mindlessly until it came all the way over his head and was discarded onto the floor.
Her hands raced over his bare chest, sliding up and rubbing down erotically, only encouraged when his moans echoed through the air. Finding the ring on his nipple, her fingers played teasingly with it until she soon replaced them with her mouth. He groaned at the contact, his fist banging into the wall above her bent head as he struggled for control, but was quickly losing.
Reaching mindlessly, he gripped her loose hair and pulled it upwards, bringing her head up so that he could plunge back into her mouth. She cried out at the motion, but was soon nearly sobbing with desperation. His tongue thrust hard into her mouth, reveling in the sweet, addictive taste that was only her. Their kisses were frantic now, hot and heavy with lust and passion.
He slid his hands up her shirt, molding his palms against her breasts and listening as she moaned in pleasure. He quickly moved his fingers back down to the hem of her shirt, tearing his mouth away from hers to yank the material from her body, throwing it somewhere behind him. Next his mouth was hot on the newly exposed skin, sucking and biting along her chest, his tongue working through the confinements of her bra. She gasped at that, her hands flinging up to grip his hair, pushing him into her and encouraging his ministrations.
He trailed his lips back up her body, sliding them up her collar bone and neck. His teeth bit into the lobe of her ear and she hissed out a breath. Realizing how clothed they both seemed to be, Haley let out a frustrated breath and gripped him by his belt, pulling his lower body closer along with un-doing the contraption. She whipped it off of him, going straight for the button on his jeans and releasing them. Her hands were frenzied as they worked, hastily tugging him free of his pants.
"Nathan," she panted out, her breathing jagged and thick, echoing through the room. She continued to gasp for breath even as his hands streaked up her skirt, diving between her thighs and causing her to jerk forward, eyes opening wide. "God."
But he remained silent, grunting and groaning occasionally as he drove her into insanity. When she melted against him, he ripped her panties from her body, pulling them out from underneath her skirt and sending them to join the other unwanted clothes.
He pulled back from her slightly, gazing down to take in her appearance. He waited until her eyes drifted slowly open again, dazed and hazy with need. He merely smirked. She gazed back at him, her body feeling like jelly and grasped onto him to keep herself upright. Her tongue streaked out, licking at her dry and swollen lips that were bruised from the brutal and lustful kisses.
He saw her swallow hard, aware of the primal flicker in his eyes and he leaned towards her again, nipping at her red lips. "You're going to scream," he told her, watching as her eyes cleared and widened.
But she only shook her head, her pants still filling the room.
"Yes, you will." And then he was diving back in.
They were both lost in the sensation, their rational minds closed off, breathing in only their desires. They knew that things were changing for them now, they knew that it was time to face the real world. So for now, if only for just this moment, they'd lose themselves, holding on tightly to what could be lost between them.
They would hide from reality, one last time. Pretend there wasn't anything between them, just once more. Because when it was over, they knew that they had to stop fooling themselves and face what they were still struggling through. It would be hard, it would be painful, it could ultimately make or break them. So for one last night, there were no rules. Just two people who loved each other more than they could bear.
He held her closer now, she kissed him harder. Both desperate, both struggling. They flung themselves over the edge together, her screams going unnoticed by them both.
Chapter 7
The room was eerily quiet. The two lay on either side of the bed, neither speaking, nor touching, just lying in the defeating hush of the night. He was staring at the ceiling, counting the shadows that played from the dim light of the outside. She was lying on the edge of the mattress, her back towards him and her eyes squeezed shut. The space between them, physically and emotionally, seemed endless.
Neither of them dared to speak, afraid to shatter the silence.
Her body ached. Not from the night's actions, although she did feel the bruises and the strain, but from the emptiness that had found it's way into her.
Her mind felt numb and her eyes burned painfully with the tears that sparked beneath her lids. She clenched her fists, trying to block out the feeling but it swarmed at her, making her stomach tighten. She tried to swallow when a lump formed in her throat, threatening to bring her crashing over the edge, but she choked on it, the sound finally shattering the silence.
He turned his head at that, his eyes setting on her bare back. He watched as her body trembled with silent sobs, knowing that she was hating herself for breaking down like this.
He sighed at the sight, shifting slightly in bed and absently lifting a hand to her naked shoulder. "Haley..."
She flinched at his touch, scooting away from it and bringing herself further on the edge. She heard him moving closer to her and knew that it was too much for her to bear. Shaking her head, she pressed her finger tips to her lips, trying to hold back the wrenching sobs that were building up in her body.
"Haley," he tried again, this time holding his hand back, his fingers curling into his palm. "I know I hurt you. I didn't mean--"
"No," Haley cut Nathan off abruptly. Her hands went to her eyes, the heels of them smothering the moisture away. Suddenly sitting up, she grasped at the sheet and struggled for coverage. "You didn't I just...I need to leave."
He watched as she pushed herself from the bed, his strangled sound of protest weak and he then remained silent as she began to gather her clothes.
She was half way into her shirt and fully sobbing by the time he finally snapped and got up from the bed. He grabbed a pair of shorts that had been lying on his dresser and pulled them on, walking over to her slowly.
She'd turned her back to him as she'd finished dressing, smoothing out her clothes and pushing her hair out of her face. He sighed as he watched from behind her, extending his hand to reach out to her but when a cry shook through her body, making her shudder and whimper, he recoiled, not wanting to upset her further.
"Hales," he tried again, his voice softer and defeated this time. "You don't have to leave..." He immediately cursed himself, hating the words even as they left his lips. He struggled for the right ones but even as he opened his mouth to speak again, she was shaking her head and moving towards the door.
"It's okay," she breathed, her tousled hair falling into her eyes, sticking to the tears. She pushed it back with a huff. "I'm okay."
"No," he protested weakly. "You're not. Just stay." He swore under his breath, knowing that he wasn't convincing her. "I don't want you to leave."
She turned around then, giving him a perfect view of her tear-streaked, make up smudged face. And she offered him a small, hollow smile. "I'm going to go."
"Haley." He grabbed her arm before she could turn back around and leave. "Don't walk away from this."
Another sob spilled out from her lips and she shook her head. "We've been walking in circles around this for so long, Nathan. What's the use anymore?" She didn't sound bitter as she said it to him, but he'd almost wished that she did. She sounded sad, helpless...like she'd finally given up. And her shining eyes reflected that.
He remained silent at her words, unable to give her the right answer.
She pushed her lips to curve slightly for him, moving to leave again. He tightened his hold on her arm again and she turned back, expecting his answer.
Instead he leaned forward and let his lips fall softly onto hers. She choked out another cry, her lips parting slightly and she pushed back against him, letting their mouths mold for another desperate moment.
She pulled away slowly, letting the kiss linger for the sweetest of seconds. Then her eyes drifted up to meet his and she bit down lightly on her lips.
"That isn't going to solve anything." Haley moved back from him, once again shifting towards the door. "Good bye, Nathan."
And he watched, silently as he let her go.
~*~
"Hmm, just as I suspected."
Haley merely glanced up at the voice, grumbling under her breath and casting her eyes downward to where she was forcefully shoving a spoon into a tub of ice cream.
"Only worse." Closing the front door behind her, Brooke walked over to where Haley was seated on the couch and sunk down with her. "Low-fat strawberry?" Brooke questioned incredulously. "Oh, no. I think this calls for Chunky Monkey, at the least."
"It's all I had," Haley muttered, her gaze staring straight in front of her as she shoveled another scoop of ice cream into her mouth.
"Well, then it looks like you're in luck." Pulling out a carton of the banana and chocolate ice cream, Brooke presented it in front of Haley. "Ta-da!"
"Oh, good. I'm done anyways." Letting the now empty box of strawberry fall to the floor, Haley snatched the other tub from her friend's hands and hastily pulled off the top. "So how'd you know I'd be doing this?" she asked, filling her mouth with the new flavor of ice cream.
"What? You mean sitting on your couch in your bathrobe eating ice cream and looking like you've just gotten hit by a train?" Brooke guessed, taking out another carton of ice cream and smiling as she lifted the lid herself and dug in.
Haley turned to frown at her, blowing at the numerous strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail and were now littering her face. "Uh, yeah. And why do you get ice cream?"
"For support Hales, come on. I'm sympathizing with you," Brooke told her, licking at her spoon. "Mmm. Yeah, butter pecan can really make me feel your pain."
Haley rolled her eyes. "I'm sure."
"Anyways," she went on. "I knew you'd be doing this simply because if last night in public was any indication, I knew that being in private with Nathan may just drive you to ingest about a million calories into your body. He's just one of those guys."
"Tell me about it," Haley muttered.
"Hmm, sounding bitter, not a good sign." The brunette angled her head to stare at Haley's profile. "What happened?" she asked, scooping another bite-full of ice cream into her mouth.
"We fucked."
At Haley's blunt statement, Brooke's ice cream sputtered out of her mouth, hitting her hand when she clapped it over it. "Holy crap!"
"Yeah," Haley stated, her tone emotionless. "We've been doing it for weeks, last night was just kind of ...angrier I guess."
"What!?" Brooke yelped, hastily wiping the ice cream from her mouth with her hand. She stared at Haley, her eyes wide.
Haley turned her head, meeting Brooke's gaze. "Yeah. It seemed like it started forever ago, just one night at a club, we'd both been drinking and then--wham bam. Just like that." She pushed another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. "And you'd think that after that one time we'd get it out of our systems and then go back to hating each other, but apparently that only works in theory---in fact, it did the complete opposite." She paused thoughtfully, her utensil in mid-scoop. "And then we just couldn't stop."
When Haley looked back at Brooke, she saw that her friend was wide eyed and open jawed. "You...you and Nathan have been having--"
"An affair?" she guessed and then considered. "Yeah, I guess you could call it that."
"And you didn't think to--"
"Tell you? I thought about it, sure. I just decided against it. See Brooke, I figured that you'd probably make a big deal out of it...kind of like you're doing right now. And since it was on some pretty shaky terms with me and Nathan, I just didn't want any interference. Plus you'd probably tell me that I was wrong in doing it, and I just didn't want to deal with that reality. In fact, it felt pretty damn good hiding from it."
"Oh my god! I can't believe that you guys--"
"Are so dysfunctional?" Haley wondered, cutting off her friend for a third time.
"Would you stop interrupting me?" Brooke let out a huff of breath. "I wasn't even going to say that this time." Shaking her head, she shoved her fingers through her hair, peering at Haley with a frazzled look. "Jeez. So, I'm totally confused. Let me just try and get this straight; this whole time, while you've been moping and moody, and basically just an over-emotional case to anyone who would listen to you--making your friends believe that Nathan had completely shunned you out, mind you--you two have actually been sneaking around and--"
"Fucking in secret?" Haley finished and received a glare in return. "Sorry."
"God, Haley." Brooke let out a strangled breath, rubbing her hand over her face. "What the hell? I don't...I don't even know what to say--I don't even know where to start!"
"You can start by telling me how much of a fuck-up I am," she suggested.
"Would you stop saying that word? Christ. This angsty arrangement has put some dirty words into that pure little mouth of yours."
"It's not so pure anymore, with all of the dirty things that have been going in and out of it," Haley mumbled and Brooke let out a shriek.
"That was crude!...and totally too much information--that you'll be needing to fill me in on another time. Is this Nathan's doing? Do I need to have a word with him for teaching you all of these foul things?" At Haley's eye roll, Brooke huffed out a breath and snatched the ice cream bowl out of her friend's hands.
"Hey!"
Placing the bowl onto the table, Brooke turned back to her scowling friend and sent her a warning look. "What is going on with you, Haley?" she demanded, the other girl averting her eyes quickly from her's. "I'm being serious now, and I think you should be too. I don't know what's going on with you and Nathan, but you'd better start talking fast, or else I'm barging down the Scott's door before you can stop me."
"And why would you do that?" Haley hissed out, crossing her arms around her chest and leaning back into the couch.
"Because look at you! You're a mess! And you won't even tell me what went on with you two to make you be like this!"
"Um, I actually just think it's because you took my ice cream away from me."
Brooke hurled a sparked gaze at her. "This isn't a joke, Haley. I'm not kidding around anymore. What happened last night...I mean besides the obvious."
Haley looked up and met her stare, her own eyes wide and blank, covering up all of the hidden emotions that leered beneath the surface. Brooke could never begin to understand everything that went on the previous night...and even for Haley, it was becoming one big mess of a blur. But she knew that every moment of that night had been like a knife, scraping into her heart.
She remembered what had been said, the look in his eyes. It'd been wild from the moment she'd walked into his room. Wild and reckless, threatening to scare her away. But she didn't cower from him, knowing that facing him head on, even just one last time, was all she could do for them both.
And it had hurt her. It'd hurt like nothing imaginable, but she'd stayed with him. And even when he'd told her to go, told her to get out, she'd forced herself to stay. But she knew so well the anger in his eyes. She knew the words of hatred and power. She remembered the feel of his hands, rough on her body, the hiss of his words, piercing to her ears.
"Do you remember, Hales? When I told you a lie?"
"I've never hated anyone the way you've made me hate you!"
She closed her eyes, squeezing them shut, hating the replay of his words in her head.
"Take it back...You don't mean it."
"You don't know me anymore. Maybe you never did."
"Stop it. Stop saying that!"
"Just leave, Haley. You don't want it like this."
"Damn it, don't you get it?"
She felt the tears coming back, burning like fire in her throat, behind her lids. She squeezed them tighter, trying to block it out.
"I'm going to hurt you."
"So hurt me."
"You're going to scream."
And she had.
"Haley..."
Brooke moved forward, alarmed when she saw moisture seeping from Haley's closed lids, pain and distress tightening on her friend's face. Quickly, as a move of instinct, she had Haley curled up tightly in her arms.
Haley felt herself let go, releasing every last bit of control that she had been holding onto. Tears came uncontrolled now, slipping past her closed lids to roll down her cheeks. Her body trembled, strangled sobs escaping her lips.
"This whole time I've been hating myself for hurting him," Haley whispered, her voice shaking and cracking. "But it's been hurting me just as much in return."
"Oh, Haley." Brooke wrapped her arms tighter around her friend's shaking body.
"Last night was it." Her voice was so soft that Brooke had to strain her ears to hear, her fingers curling as the words were heard. "He was so angry, Brooke." A sob choked out from her throat, letting various more pass by before she caught her breath. "I just can't do it anymore. It's over."
"I don't know if I understand it. If I love you, and you love me...what's there to figure out?"
Everything else.
~*~
He felt his heart shudder in his chest each time his feet hit the pavement. The sound of his panting filled his ears, loud and overwhelming in the silence of his surroundings. His body was slicked with sweat, glistening and damp in the hot sun of the afternoon.
The air around him was thick and hot, swarming around him like fire, choking him like smoke. He didn't normally push himself during his runs in the summer, knowing that he was more susceptible of overheating and dehydrating. But today...he couldn't seem to stop. He'd already exceeded his greatest distance by two miles. His legs threatened to give out on him. But he didn't stop, couldn't stop. It was like all of his anger, all of his frustration and all of everything else that he seemed to be feeling, had taken him over, driving him farther, faster, harder.
He'd laid in bed for another hour after Haley had left him, leaving him confused and torn between what to do. He knew that he should have gone after her, knew that each moment of silence between them now meant less of a chance for them to make it again. But he had stayed, standing alone in his room and cursing himself for his stupidity.
He hated what he'd done to her the night before. He remembered how she'd wanted it, how she'd told him to take what he wanted. But he'd been reckless, he'd been consumed by the anger within him, and he'd hurt her.
He didn't like hurting Haley, in fact, he hated causing her any amount of pain at all. But last night he'd been unable to give her what he knew she wanted. He'd said things to her to deliberately jab at her, to make her feel the pain that he had felt for months, and what he was still feeling now.
Nathan remembered the look in her eyes that morning, the pain, the hopelessness, all of it hidden behind a shining layer of her tears. He remembered the sound of her sobbing as she lay next to him in his bed. And he hated himself for it. He'd wanted to hurt her the night before, and she'd let him, but he hated that fact.
Part of him wished that she'd yelled at him. He wished that she'd thrown things and screamed at him for being unfair. He wanted her to hate him, because he knew that he deserved it. But at the same time, he wanted nothing else but for her to love him, as they'd stood in his room that morning, he yearned to touch her, to bring her into his arms and soothe away all of her tears.
However, the fact was that he hadn't. Instead, he'd let her walk away, knowing that she was losing hope of everything that they could still have. Everything that he still wanted.
So he'd thrown on some shorts and a T-shirt, tied up his shoes and jetted out the door. The first couple of miles had been easy, he'd ran and lectured himself on how much of an idiot he was. He'd thought of all the things that he'd meant to say to Haley. He'd replayed everything from last night in his head. And again, he'd cursed himself for all of the pain that he'd caused Haley.
As he drove on, his legs moving without relent, he became more and more angry with himself. He thought about what would happen if he'd blown it with Haley. He wondered if he could survive without her in his life.
Knowing the answer to that, he ran harder, faster, driven by his anger.
Clearing the red from his gaze, he realized where he was and felt his legs slow. He'd ended up at Haley's apartment building. He nearly laughed at the irony.
His legs felt weak now and he allowed himself to collapse on the stairs of the building, leaning against the rail and closing his eyes.
His breathing was jagged, rushed and harsh. His heart was pounding a million miles a second, sweat poured from his temples, down his face and onto his shirt. He swiped a hand over his face, fisting his fingers, frustrated, in his hair.
He allowed himself to catch his breath, knowing that eventually he'd have to get up and face her. For now he let himself stall, trying to figure out what he would say to her when he saw her. They'd been running from this for months. Now it had been taken too far, it was time to get some answers, from both of them.
"Are you being a coward again, Nate? Because that's what you are, isn't it?"
No, he wouldn't be a coward now. He had been. He'd been one each and every time he'd snuck out of her bed, each time he'd shy away from a conversation with her. But enough was enough, he was miserable, and he knew that she was as well. It was time for them to face this thing, once and for all.
Pushing himself up from the bottom step, he turned and conquered the rest of them, taking them quickly to insure that he wouldn't lose his confidence now.
When he reached her door he hesitated, bringing the hand he had to knock with down before sighing and banging hard on the door.
Watching it open, he was met with Brooke's scowling face and found his own frown on his lips. "Booty call?" she guessed, her voice full of venom and disgust.
He sighed, figuring that Haley had told her everything. "Can I talk to Haley?"
"No," Brooke decided.
Nathan merely rolled his eyes at that. "I wasn't really asking for your permission, Brooke. I need to talk to Haley."
"You seem to need a lot of things, pal. But not this time, Haley doesn't want to see you." Placing her hands on her hips, the brunette challenged him.
"Brooke?"
Haley's voice sounded from behind her and after sending Nathan a glare, she turned to see her friend coming out from her bedroom. "Hi," Brooke greeted her, met with her questioning gaze.
Haley looked passed Brooke and spotted Nathan, her features clouding over as she peered at him. "What are you doing here?" she asked him, her hands coming to fidget in front of her.
"I need to talk to you," he told her, sending her a silent plea.
Haley regarded Brooke again, sending her friend a thankful smile before looking back at her husband. "Come in," she murmured, biting down on her lip.
Brooke sent Haley a warning look, but was returned by only a shrug. She then smiled at her, nodding and opening the door further for Nathan as he stepped in. "Well Hales, I'm going to cut out. I promised Lucas I'd meet him for the follow-up of our hand-cuff bet last night." She grinned at the thought, pleased when Haley laughed and rolled her eyes. "Call me if you need anything okay? I got a free coupon for some Ben and Jerry's," Brooke said with a wink. "Bye Nathan." Sending him a long 'I-dare-you-to-hurt-her' look, she disappeared, closing the door behind her and leaving them alone together.
The echo of the door closing rang out loudly in the room, leaving them both to shift uncomfortably. Still in the hallway by the bedroom, Haley hesitantly moved forward, walking over to the couch where she lowered herself onto it. Nathan remained by the front doorway, his hands in the pockets of his running shorts, his feet shuffling around the floor.
"You wanted to talk," Haley reminded him, breaking the silence. "So talk."
He looked up to see that her head was turned away from him, her eyes staring at the wall in front of the couch. Nathan sighed at her tone, knowing that she probably wasn't going to make this very easy on him, and he expected nothing else. Moving cautiously forward, he came up beside the couch, looking down at her from above it.
"I um..." He inhaled sharply. "I'm sorry about last night, Haley."
She turned her head then, peering up at him with curious, shining eyes.
"I know that I said some things--did some things-- that hurt you. I was angry...with myself. With you. And I know that isn't an excuse, but I snapped. And I'm sorry for all of those things that I said to you...did to you."
He watched as she considered for a moment, clenching and unclenching her jaw as she trained her gaze on his face. Finally, she sighed and turned her head to face him. "I don't want you to tell me that you're sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that has happened between us...but that doesn't make it better for us. It seems like one of us is always apologizing but nothing ever gets solved."
"So...what are we going to do?" he asked, looking towards the ground for a moment before turning back to look at her.
She could only shrug when he did so, looking sad and helpless. "I don't know." She brought her hands up to her face, letting out a cry of frustration. "God, I don't even know what there is left for us to do! We've screwed everything up between ourselves in these last couple months. It seems like all we did was bring our marriage even father apart."
He stayed silent for a moment, letting his eyes drift closed in desperation. "This wasn't what I wanted for us," he whispered sadly.
"Me neither," she mumbled into her hands. "This isn't what want for us. I hate us right now. I hate everything that has happened with us, I hate what it's done to us."
"What do you want?" Nathan asked her.
She let out an ironic laugh at his question, bringing her hands away from her face to stare at him with irony in her eyes. "You know what I want, Nathan. I want us to be together. I want to be with you...I want things to be like they used to be, when we were happy. But this hasn't been about what I want. It's always been about what you want. And I never know because you're always hot and cold with me. You'll do things like take me home from parties and tuck me into bed...and then you'll use every word you can find to hurt me and then throw me up against the wall for angry sex." He closed his eyes and winced noticeably at her words. "So, what do you want, Nathan?"
He stared at her for countless seconds, silent and concentrated. He watched her desperate eyes blink back at him, each time leaving him more and more weak. Finally he looked away. He opened his mouth again to break the quiet, sidestepping her question. "It seems like so long ago that I opened the door and saw you on my front step...but I remember so clearly what I was thinking....feeling." He began pacing the room. "I remember just seeing your face and feeling like things could be okay...that you'd come back and love me just like you used to."
"I still do," she promised him softly, but he didn't look at her.
"But more than that, I remember the hate that went through me. Hate for what you did to me, hate for what had happed to us...hate for you. God, Haley," he blew out, bringing his hands up to tug desperately at his hair. "I hated you so much." His back was to her, purposely missing her reaction to his words. If he had seen the widening of her eyes or heard the strangled gasp that left her lips, he would have surely taken back his words, but he knew that it was time to get things out. "I wanted you to hurt. I wanted you to feel every ounce of pain that I had dealt with in the past months."
"Nathan..." she trailed off, unsure of what to say to him, knowing that she could never find the right words to take away all of the pain that she had put him through.
He turned back to her now, his gaze directly fixed on her face. "I couldn't bring myself to do it," he confessed. "Those first weeks we fought like crazy, always yelling and accusing each other...nothing was ever solved. It should have bothered me, always fighting with you...having you fight back. But instead I just felt better. It felt good to talk to you, even when it was just yelling at you and getting you all riled up." His lips curved sadly at the memory. "When we decided on the break I...well, I didn't think anything could quite hurt like that."
She sucked in a breath at his words. "Then why did you...?"
"I thought that was what you wanted, Haley! It made sense, right? I mean you left me for months, never called, never wrote...what was I supposed to believe?"
"I came back!"
"Yeah, you did...and it wasn't the fairy tale marriage that we wanted it to be." He shook his head, shoving his hands back into his pockets. "Doesn't matter now, it happened. It's done." He looked up suddenly, meeting her panic stricken gaze. "You know I spent that next week in my bedroom?" He laughed at the memory. "I'd never felt that kind of hate for anyone before and when I thought it was over between us I thought that my life was over. Crazy what love does to you."
"Yeah," she breathed, speechless.
"I saw you at that club that night and I don't think I've ever wanted you more." She sucked in a breath at his words. A ghost smile appeared in his face. "That surprises you? It shouldn't, I thought it was obvious. And I saw you dancing with that guy, silly of me to be jealous when we were supposed to be on a break...one that I initiated in the first place. Didn't stop me though, I wanted to kill that guy for putting his hands on you. You were supposed to be mine, we were supposed to be together...that was supposed to be me with my hands on you."
"And then it was," she finished for him softly.
"And then it was," he agreed with a nod. "It felt so good to have you again, Haley. After that I knew that I couldn't resist you again...I tried, lord knows I did. For all the good that did me." He shook his head then. "But as the weeks went by and barely five words had passed between us...I didn't know which was worse." He let out a chuckle. "Okay, I know which one was worse, the one where I wasn't getting sex. But that's barely the point. The point is that all those weeks that we snuck around, I hated being emotionally detached from you. It was like there was a forbidden wall between us...one that neither of us dared to cross."
"And then you crossed it."
"Yeah." He paused, swallowing hard before he continued. "And you were right in what you said...I liked waking up next to you. I liked it so much that I called myself weak. I hated the fact that I was over looking everything that had happened between us and was considering being with you again. I felt cheated. So I stopped seeing you. I thought that being away from you would make things easier, I thought that I could punish you and feel...I don't know, free? But I was just punishing myself, and I realized that while you were throwing up all over the beach."
She spared him a small smile and grimace then.
"Haley, while I tucked you in that night I discovered that it was always going to be there for us."
"What is?" she asked him, knowing the answer but needing to hear him say it.
"Love."
She smiled. "So you meant it, what you said?"
"Always and forever...right?" he told her weakly, watching as she closed her eyes and let out a hard exhale.
"Say it," she pleaded with him, her eyes flinging open suddenly. "I need to hear you say it."
"Haley..." Nathan turned away from her again, his throat going dry and his hands clenching by his sides. "That isn't going to solve anything."
"Why not?" she demanded from him, jumping up from the couch to go over to him. Grabbing hold of his arm, she turned him around to face her, her eyes wide in plea. "Why can't it? Tell me why, Nathan." Swallowing hard, she gripped onto his hand, holding it tightly in her own, making him look at her. "Just let it go, Nate. We can be happy again." Lifting a hand up to his face, she pushed a hopeful smile onto her face. "Remember how happy we were? Remember how good it felt?"
Pushing her hand away, he stepped back from her. "Things are different now, Haley!"
"But they don't have to be!"
"But they are! They just are and nothing we say is going to change that!"
She stepped closer to him now, her eyes hard and determined. "Why won't you fight for us!? For me? For what we had!? Are we so hopeless that we can't even try? Do you hate so much that you have to punish me like this? I'm not a yo-yo Nathan, I'm not here for you to bounce me around for amusement. I need settlement, I need answers." Pushing a frustrated hand through her hair, she sent him a spiteful look. "I need you."
"Haley, don't--"
"No, you don't! Don't tell me that this is hopeless, don't tell me that things are complicated. I know we're having trouble, and I'm not naive enough to think that this will be easy. But I'm willing to fight for us, I'm willing to work until we get it right. And I'm not going to accept that you've given up. You want this Nathan, just as much as I do."
"So what do you want me to do?"
"I want you to say that it will be okay. Tell me that you'll fight for us, for what we had. And I know that we have a lot to work out. I know that you don't trust me. Hell, I know that sometimes you don't even like me very much, and believe me, it goes both ways." She sent him a smile. "But we can get passed it, we can get passed it and just be together, like we were. I know your angry, I don't blame you. I just need you to try and--"
"It's not that I'm angry, Haley. In fact, I wish that it was that simple."
She sent him a puzzled expression. "What do you mean?"
He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. "Last night...I don't think I've ever been so angry with anyone before. It was like everything that I had put on the back burner just came up at the same time, resulting in what happened last night. But I realized that it was more than just being angry with you...I was more angry at myself. I hate what has happened to us Haley. And I was having all kinds of feeling for you again...ones that had never really gone away, and I got angry that I was allowing myself to feel like that again, especially since I didn't think you deserved it. So I snapped."
"But...what you said..."
"Wasn't true," he filled in for her and then shrugged. "I was angry Haley, I just wanted to deny my feelings for you, lashing out at you was the only way I thought I could at that point. I thought that...if I could get you to believe that my feelings were dead, then I could get myself to believe it."
Haley looked down, her feet shuffling on the carpet. "And how are you doing with that?"
She looked back up when she heard his laugh. He simply smiled at her. "How do you think?"
She returned his smile, finding herself moving closer to him, her nerves on high. Her smile fell from her face, her fingers twisting nervously together in front of her. "What do you want, Nathan?" Haley asked him again, bringing back the abandoned question that leered between them.
He stared back at her, his eyes sober and considering. Finally, he answered letting out a long breath. "Everything that you want," Nathan told her. "Us. A marriage. Happiness." Reaching out he grasped her fidgeting hands, pulling her towards him until he could rest his forehead against hers. "You."
As soon as the whispered word found its way into her ears, a hitched breath fell from her lips, her eyes closing in relief. And then she was moving into his arms, her face pressing into his shoulder, her arms twining around his waist.
She felt his own arms come around her, holding tightly and reveling in the feelings that had been abandoned for so long. She sighed into the warmth of his body, breathing in his familiar scent and feeling a lump launch its way into her throat.
They stayed like this for endless moments, completely wrapped up in each other, both of them filled with a new sense of hope, a new sense of beginning. They held on tightly, not wanting everything to slip away from them again.
It felt so good to have her back in his arms again, to feel her body pressed tightly to his. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to indulge in her. He held her close, needing the reassurance that she was right there, never leaving him again. He knew that it wouldn't be easy between them, he knew that they had so much to get back. But he knew that putting himself out there like this, allowing her his trust, would all be worth it in the end.
Finally he shifted, moving his hand up her back, settling it behind her head where he guided her face to look at him. Her eyes snapped open onto his, the deep, chocolate of hers beaming into the sparked, blue of his. He watched as her lips trembled, her breath hitching.
And then he was tilting her head to rest his lips on hers. They tasted sweeter now, warmer and softer against his. He could taste the emotions as they leapt from her tongue onto his. The kiss was gentle and potent, sending both of their head spinning into a haze.
She moved against him, her hands clasping around his neck and bringing his head forward. Her lips pressed hastily to his, moving quickly to part his and demand entry. But he pulled back from her, only diving back in to take her lips slowly, savoring each taste, each texture.
She involuntarily moaned against him, going to speed up the kiss but losing when he continued his unhurried approach. He nibbled and stroked with his tongue, delving deep into her mouth for merely seconds before pulling away and pressing feather soft kisses on either side of her lips.
He felt her labored breathing and smiled against her skin, reveling in the way her body felt as she went weak against him. He secured the arm he had slipped around her waist, guiding her as he led them back over towards the couch.
He moved his head back, opening his eyes to watch as she blinked open hers, grinning as he saw the haze slowly clear from them. She sent him a puzzled look, wondering what he was doing, but he didn't answer her. Instead, he eased her back onto the couch into a sitting position. Next, he got down onto his knees, crouching before her and resting between her legs.
A cat-like smile curved its way onto her lips, anticipating what she thought he was going to do, but he just leaned forward, barely touching her as he placed his hands on either side of her face. Her smile was soon covered again by his lips. He felt her sigh against them, using it as a way to dive deeper into her parted lips.
His tongue slipped through the slight entry, mingling with hers and exploring the contours of her mouth. She responded with vigor, slanting her head to get better access to his lips, taking them urgently with hers. Her hands came up to grip his wrists, his hands still framing her face. She felt his breathy laugh as it fell into her mouth, getting lost in the frenzy of tongues.
Once again, he slowed her ministrations, pulling back gently to let the kiss linger. Then he pressed his lips to the skin beside her mouth, kissing it softly before trailing more kisses along her jaw line and up to her ear. He tugged her lobe in between his teeth, sucking softly before leaving it all together.
She sucked in a breath at the loss of contact, but was soon pushing it out again with the feel of his hot mouth on her neck. He teased the soft skin there, lapping it seductively with his tongue until she was breathless, and then proceeding to dance his lips upon it in just a whisper.
He trailed his lips down, brushing them over her shoulders and collar bone until he was met with the silky material of her robe. Leaning back, he used his hands to part the fabric, pushing it so that it fell from her shoulders, down her arms. She struggled out of it, quickly un-tying the knot in the center and pushing the rest of the material off.
He merely smiled at her frenzy, not complaining when the robe was off and out of the way. She reached forward, prepared to strip him off his shirt but he caught her hands in his, holding them tight as he placed another lingering kiss on her lips. When he felt her fingers go limp in his, he released them.
She moaned against him, bringing her fingers back up to his shirt and eagerly tugging it upward. He chuckled softly, pushing her hands away and listening to her whimper of protest.
"Slow this time, Haley," Nathan whispered to her, bringing her fingers up to his lips where he placed light kisses on them. "There's no need to rush. "
Then he reached down and assisted her up from the couch, clasping his arm around her waist and pulling her against him. She gazed at him through dazed eyes, following wordlessly as he led them into the bedroom.
Once in there, he guided her over to the bed, motioning for her to sit back on it. She complied him, scooting back so that she was lying back on her elbows, her eyes directed on him.
He stood at the foot of the bed, sending her a smirk as he reached down and pulled his shirt over his head. Then he followed suit and joined her on the bed that they had once shared. His body covered hers on the most delicious ways but he didn't give in to his immediate wanton need, he wanted to take it slow this time, show her what it had been like. So he leaned in and firmly pressed his lips against hers.
Reaching up a hand, he tugged on the elastic band that was holding her hair up, releasing it and sending her hair down and cascading around her shoulders. He smiled at the result, taking his lips away from hers to admire the sight.
She was beautiful lying beneath him, with her lips red and well-kissed and her eyes blurred with haze. He felt his stomach tighten with the hope of a new beginning. He leaned in, once again, and captured her lips with his.
This kiss was full of promise and hope. It was love and longing and everything that they felt had been bottled inside for so long.
They were breathless when they pulled apart, his lips pressing tender kisses along her face, beside her ear. "I want to remind you of what it was like. Show you how it can be again. It should be gentle now, Hales. I'm going to show you how much I love you," he promised her softly, listening to her sharp intake of breath.
Her head fell back against the pillow, tears welled up in her eyes as she gazed at him through a blurred vision. "I love you," she whispered to him, reaching up a hand to run it along his cheek.
Nathan smiled down at her, a lump forming in his own throat that he quickly swallowed. "I know." Breaking his suspension from above her, he collapsed gently onto her body, burying his face into the crook of her neck and sliding his arms underneath her to wrap tightly around her body.
She squeezed her eyes closed tightly, feeling a scatter or warm tears race down her cheeks. Her hands slid up his back, sliding into his hair and sifting through it. "I missed you," she confessed softly, her voice cracking with emotion.
He let out a short breath, moving his head up to peer down at her. "Yeah," he agreed.
Snaking her tongue out between her lips, she licked them and held his gaze. "Let's not do that again," Haley told him, her head shaking along the pillow. "All those weeks that we were so... apart--that was stupid."
He couldn't help the smile as it found it's way to his lips. Nodding, he leaned down and placed a smacking kiss on her lips. "That was stupid," he readily agreed.
"Never again," she pressed, tightening her grasp.
"Never again," he assured her. A wide smile broke out on his lips. "But since it did happen, I'd say we have a few months of making up to do."
"Let's start now." And with that their lips were locked together with the promise of love for a lifetime.
The End
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